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Original poster

Did people give up their seats for you when pregnant?

91 replies

ShirleyPhallus · 06/08/2019 19:19

Second time using my baby on board badge today, get on the tube and ask the man sat in a priority seat if I could please sit down

Get a mouthful of abuse about how its not his fault I’m pregnant and he wouldn’t give me his seat. If he’d just said no I might have assumed that he had hidden disabilities or something but he was just being a prick.

A lovely older lady in the seat next to him berated him and several suited men standing up did too (as did I) and finally he got up then just got off the tube

Second time using my badge!! Is it always like this?!

I don’t expect people to be looking up at every stop for an pregnant woman and would be happy to ask for seats but Christ, are people this dickish about this stuff all the time?!

OP posts:
Dec2019mumtobe · 06/08/2019 21:09

I think the best comeback for cunts like this is "I hope one day somebody speaks to your wife/daughter/mother in the same way"

Wankers

Teddybear45 · 06/08/2019 21:10

@dobedobedobedoo - some women, like me, have a blood pressure of 80/60 right from the beginning of pregnancy and need a seat; the alternative being passing out. There’s also the morning sickness and nausea for which I often needed to sit with my head between my legs to have any hope of managing.

wendz86 · 06/08/2019 21:12

I found people good on the tube but on my main train into london they would just ignore but thankfully i normally got a seat anyway.

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MyCatDrinksFlatWhites · 06/08/2019 21:14

It is a normal physiological process but, while it isn't an illness, it does make many people feel physically unwell, eg effect on blood pressure (prolonged standing makes some of us go dizzy), nausea, etc. Especially in the early stages when people can't tell by looking. Then as the bump gets bigger, your centre of gravity changes and, frankly, I wouldn't fancy losing my balance standing on a tube train with a huge bump when the brakes slam on unexpectedly. Happened to my friend and she landed on said bump, had to spend the morning in hospital getting checked out.

At least with a badge, there's no "pregnant or just fat?" dilemma (oh, and they do them for invisible disabilities, with "Please offer me a seat" instead of "Baby on board", on the London network). People can then choose whether to respond to the badge or not, in the same way that you can choose whether you accept a seat or not.

henpartystress · 06/08/2019 21:17

My husband is young and normally dressed in a suit- he always feels pressured to stand up even tho he has a really bad back that's been operated on and awaiting another op. I know it dosent apply to all but some actually can't give up there seat. The man this morning was a knob tho. I loathe the tube

TheBananaInPyjamas · 06/08/2019 21:17

I wear a disability badge that says "please offer me a seat" and 9 times out of 10 people are nice. Sometimes it takes a stop or two to get a seat, and it's usually not by people in the priority seats. Sometimes I get frustrated that it takes someone 4 seats down to offer and people just gawp as I struggle to get through to sit down.

I really hate wearing the badge because, as others have said, it's presumptuous and I'm obviously "asking" to be seated. However when I don't wear it I'm in agony that affects me for days. I hate hate hate having to ask, and have only done so once or twice, but I secretly love it when other standing passengers loudly ask me if I'm okay or shame seating people to stand haha

TheBananaInPyjamas · 06/08/2019 21:19

@henpartystress I highly recommend your husband gets a please offer me a seat badge. People are generally friendly!

Sandybval · 06/08/2019 21:19

My anecdotal experience is that older (but not old!) white men, particularly those in suits, were least likely to offer their seat.

This is so true!

I was lucky enough to be able to adjust my working hours so started really early and finished before rush hour in the evening, so usually got a seat; but before I was pregnant I liked the badges as I was always happy to let someone else sit down, but the debate of are they pregnant or...? Usually stopped me offering out of awkwardness! Not sure if they were TFL issued but saw some Hidden Disability badges too, someone waiting at the station said it had made their life so much easier as they were too nervous to ever ask, but the badge served as an excellent starting point.

BearRabbitPants · 06/08/2019 21:22

Nope! Visited London twice when preg once with DS and once when preg with DD. Both times on tube no one moved to let me sit down. And the time when preg with DD a bolshy aggressive large woman pushed and pushed and pushed against me to make herself more comfortable (we were all standing the tube was very busy) to the point whereby she almost knocked me over. It wasn't till my DH turned round to her & gave her a mouthful that she stopped. Some people are just ignorant & rude bastards.

Tobebythesea · 06/08/2019 21:26

I’m currently pregnant with my second child. I have to say it’s usually women who offer their seat and not men in my case.

I’ve had to be quite loud in my request for seats too as usually people have their eyes closed.

He was a dick.

Morgan12 · 06/08/2019 21:28

When I was pregnant I watched an old lady with a walking stick walk the full length of the carriage with no one offering up their seat. So I, 7 months pregnant, gave her mine.

That was really shit of everyone.

Evilmorty · 06/08/2019 21:29

dobedobedobedoo I love it when people have that attitude shown above that you are pregnant, not ill, it’s a normal physiological condition.

Well what about actual conditions and illnesses and diseases that are related to pregnancy. What about aging, that’s a normal process, would you offer your seat to someone who couldn’t stand or who was blind or who clearly had one leg. All normal human conditions. Do come back and try to justify being a wanker, please do.

etotheb · 06/08/2019 21:29

Never lol, I remember it being soooo hot, I was huge, had pain, and just stood with my back next to the plastic wall thing so I could lean back.. and I remember this woman clocking me and started shouting at everyone! Most people avoid your eye contact lol,

Try to get on at a different tube which is before the craziness and if you can't get a seat try stand with your back against the wall x

DelurkingAJ · 06/08/2019 21:33

I don’t think I ever wasn’t offered a seat and I was commuting into London a couple of days a week. I loved the badge as I didn’t show with DS1 until I was about 25 weeks but my balance was completely off by about 15 weeks. DS2 not such a problem.

I had the opposite experience of many here which was that chaps in suits always leapt up. They were also always the best when I had a buggy on my own and met stairs...

threemonthstogo · 06/08/2019 21:43

That's terrible! I find some people can be pretty unaware and inconsiderate, but generally speaking I've not had an issue and some people can be lovely. Did you point out he was in the priority seat?

Get your answer ready in case that happens again, though hopefully it won't!!

GivenchyDahhling · 06/08/2019 21:51

I live at the end of the line so never an issue with seats; also, I tend to only travel in London off-peak and as far as I recall I’ve only been on one tube train since I’ve been pregnant where there wasn’t immediately a seat available and I was offered one (but declined as only going a couple of stops). When I went to see the Spice Girls at 25ish weeks I had a seat on the way, and then we took the tube back a stop in the wrong direction from Wembley to make sure I got a seat - a few years of commuting from Clapham on the Northern Line taught me that particular trick.

What I would say though is both my husband (identified by a few PPs as the worst type of commuter - the middle aged male Central line commuter in a suit) and I read on the tube in an attempt to pretend we are anywhere but on the tube, and won’t look up/be particularly aware of other people - that can probably look like we are desperately trying to ignore pregnant/elderly/disabled people but that really isn’t the case and if asked would both jump up without hesitation (well, not me now at 33 weeks’ pregnant).

threemonthstogo · 06/08/2019 21:51

@dobedobedobedoo you've obviously had easy pregnancies, lucky you!! There are many many illnesses and conditions associated with pregnancy and some of them can be at their worst early on.

Yes, people choose largely to undergo it, I would still give up my seat to anyone who does, because I know exactly how ill and in pain it has made me.

ym10146 · 06/08/2019 21:58

I hardly ever got offered a seat, I gave up wearing the badge in the end, because it was obvious, and it didn't work. Annoying though as I had hideous morning sickness for 4 months, so I could have really done with a seat.

I found the train worse than the tube.

I know some people will say I should have asked, but not everyone is confident enough to do so, especially on a packed rush hour train.

Yestermo · 06/08/2019 22:05

I had to get a tram most days for 2 of my pregnancies. If people noticed they generally would. But again older white males were by far the least likely. Teenage/20 year old boys then younger women most likely.

Yestermo · 06/08/2019 22:06

embarrassingly I've been offered a seat several times when not pregnant just bloated Grin

Toothlessismyspiritanimal · 06/08/2019 22:18

I remember one snowy day, the trains were all screwed up and being held at stations, delayed etx and i was 6 months pregnant and feeling dizzy because of the crowding, and my bump kept getting barged by the number of people. A stranger asked if anyone could offer me a seat, and a delightful gentleman twat started shouting at me saying I was probably faking it to get a seat. Admittedly tempers were frayed due to the weather and transport issues, but still it felt totally shit.

Wasn't wearing a badge but I was obviously pregnant and I'm quite small so I looked like I'd swallowed a beach ball.

pikapikachu · 06/08/2019 23:36

Never got a seat. There used to be a blind man with a stick who'd get on the stop after me and nobody gave up his seat for him either which is even more shocking.

Lockheart · 06/08/2019 23:47

Not been pregnant, but in my experience of the London commuting world it's rare that pregnant women or the elderly etc don't get offered a seat. A few decline but not many.

In a crowded train or tube where the aisles and vestibules are packed and everyone is absorbed in their phones or half asleep staring into space it can be difficult to notice a badge (this is especially problematic on trains such as Thameslink where the seats nearest the doors are actually facing away from them), so I think it's important to be able to ask if you really need a seat.

If people can't see a badge they might not want to offend if you're not pregnant.

VforVienetta · 07/08/2019 00:18

The badge does help a lot. I took to wearing it on my bump, as few people raised their eyes to lapel level. Row upon row of young suited blokes staring fixedly to their phones, playing Angry Birds (it was a while ago!), who never looked around to see if anyone might need their seat.

Dobedobedoo's post was laughable, but I thought much the same before I realised the realities of pregnancy. I had a relatively easy ride, and even so I ended up getting an injury from strap hanging on the tube at 7 months pregnant. The hormones had loosened me up so much a sharp turn made me pop a rib out of place. Agony. Had to sit on every journey after that, and if I'd accepted the seat I was offered that day it wouldn't have bloody happened!

In case anyone missed it before, that magic phrase again (spoken extremely politely):
"Excuse me, are you able to stand?"
It was given to me by a mum of 5 who'd commuted through 5 pregnancies.

Pillowcased · 07/08/2019 00:24

Virtually always on the tube. I had to ask maybe four times ever. Maybe Piccadilly line types are nice...?

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