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Original poster

OLD for 2 weeks... Most of these men are vile!

47 replies

PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 07:43

My 5 year relationship ended 7 months ago and 2 weeks ago I decided to try OLD.

My profile is pretty standard and my photos are boring but recent.

I have received quite a number of messages, 99.9% are from unsuitable men for example 15 years younger than me and the rest from perverts.

Here's some of the messages.

Him "Hi"
Me "Hi"
Him "wanna watch me wank?"

Next:
Him "Hi where in XXXX do you live?"
Me "Near so and so"
Him "that's close, want me to come fuck your brains out?"

Next:
Him " You look gorgeous in that dress" ( reference to one of my pictures)
Me "thank you. How are you today?"
Him "you wearing stockings or tights? I prefer stockings and suspenders"

Next:
Him "morning did you sleep well?"
Me " Hi yes thanks. How about you?"
Him " let's just say if you were here with me I would have woke you up with me inside you"

These are just a few, I have received many more all along the same lines.
It's actually making me not want to date any man at all.

Why do they believe a single woman in her 40s must be desperate for a shag so will accept their perverted requests?

I am feeling pretty low this morning after 2 more message exchanges with vile men.

Anyone got any advice or positive OLD stories?? Please.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 03/08/2019 07:54

I just completely ignored any messages that said 'hi how are you' or 'you look nice'. If someone is interested they will make more of an effort.
I was online for 6 months. I had loads of messages like you described. The one person I dated sent me a message saying 'hi NSlover I am XX and live in XX. I notice you like bee keeping and basket weaving, I do too and I also enjoy...
I'm still with him 4 years later.
I liked that he read my profile and referred to it and didn't refer to sex or my appearance. You need to be brutal with your filtering.
How are you? Or did you sleep well? Is such lazy communication.

Sleepyquest · 03/08/2019 07:54

You have to push past the creeps to find the genuine guys who are looking for the same as you! Took me about 3 years to find mine; 5 years later we are married with a baby on the way!

So I am a huge supporter of OLD but I did have my fair share of nasty, disgusting men too. You can't avoid them!

GreasyFryUp · 03/08/2019 07:59

What site are you using?

Original poster
PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 08:04

Thanks for the replies.

I am pleased it worked out for you both. Not sure I can stomach a few more years of this to find a decent man.

I have avoided Pof and Tinder and a friend recommended OkCupid as she met her DH there.
I am thinking all dating sites are the same.

OP posts:
EchoElephant · 03/08/2019 08:05

@PennysPocket there's a dating thread in the Relationship section. Lots of good advice and positive stories.

I ignore those who just say Hi or similar. You can usually set an age range as well.
There are a lot of idiots to wade through but also some genuine people on OLD

Original poster
PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 08:11

Thanks Echo I will go have a look.

I have set an age range but it seems they lie on their profile then during messages they admit they are 29 or 61 Hmm

OP posts:
PeacockSunday · 03/08/2019 08:13

I found the pay to use sites are much better. I tried the free ones and got the same sort of rubbish. I ended up meeting DH on match.

Foslady · 03/08/2019 08:38

I met dp on match.

I didn’t rate ok Cupid (probably too old as they all wanted young women), and eHarmony is probably ok if you live in a city, but living rurally the alogorythmn (sp?) soon ran out of matches so was getting matched with blokes 200 miles away!
But yes, it can be soul destroying to thing that men think this is acceptable, but when I look back on that time now I laugh about the worst dates I had (boozer first stop off from the docks that was also a biker pub? Thing was I probably fitted in better there than the fancy wine bar!!!)Grin

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 03/08/2019 08:44

I experienced exactly the same, some even went dick pics!

I agree with others, you have to be ruthless with your filtering. Just saying Hi is lazy and not worth your attention.

I'd nearly given up with OLD then met my boyfriend. We've been together 16 months now and he's amazing and normal!

HelloCanYouHearMe · 03/08/2019 08:47

My experience of OLD is equally as horrendous. Within minutes of creating a PoF profile, I had messages asking if I was up for a shag, Bumble and Tinder got me abosultely no matches, Match.com resulted in messages from men blatantly lying about their age and eHarmony couldnt throw any "suitable" men my way.

I'm now resigned myself to the fact that i'm now going to be single forever.

candycane222 · 03/08/2019 08:52

I'm surprised that the sites don't have some kind of etiquette and feedback process to kick people off for this sort of thing. Can't think many women join old hoping for what amounts to internet flashing. How does it help their business model not to control it? Confused

Theneverendingcleaningcycle · 03/08/2019 08:55

Try Bumble. The woman has to be the first to initiate contact. Worked for me ;)

Original poster
PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 08:57

Think I will take a break from it.

It's doing zero for my self worth and making me dislike men.

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 03/08/2019 08:59

Two weeks OLD was enough for me. I’d rather be single thanks. Grin

ViciousTrollop · 03/08/2019 09:11

Completely agree with Northernsoullover.

I put a lot of work into my profile. It was funny, entertaining and engaging. I then sat back and waited for messages.

I point blank refused to reply to any basic "Hi how r u bbz" type messages. If someone wasn't capable of making even the tiniest bit of effort then they weren't getting a response.

I was waiting for what I called a "golden" message. One that was smart, witty, made me smile/laugh, that referenced the movies/other pop culture nods in my profile, basically one that showed that the writer was on my wavelength and that they were keen.

Two years ago I received one, first date was two days later and we've been together since 😊.

Over50andfab · 03/08/2019 09:21

I think pretty well any of the OLD dating apps can be hard going but the free ones tend to be worse for such messages (I’d report any bad ones I got on OKC). As a new member you tend to get all the chancers at the start before it settles down. Then it’s so much luck of the draw on whether the right person is on there at the same time as you.

I started on OKC (found all the questions quite fascinating and what guys answered more revealing about their personalities than their bios - just don’t answer too many of the sex related ones!). Tbh I’ve never had any smutty messages on there 🤷‍♀️. I do get a lot of “hi, great pics” type messages Despite the fact my bio says I won’t respond to them and also says that I’m not interested in ONSs.

I moved onto match after a while, which I found better, though kept OKC going as it’s free. The latter has recently been more active - I had a date from there last month and got another this afternoon Smile

PippiDeLena · 03/08/2019 09:52

I hear you OP After my last relationship ended I did OLD for a couple of months but had to stop because the constant crude messages really made me start to hate men.

The thing I don't understand is why men are still acting like deranged perverts online. Surely they don't get any takers when they message random women about watching them wank on Skype (I had one of those too!) So why has their behaviour not been modified by their lack of success?

CatInADoghouse · 03/08/2019 09:52

Same as a pp I only responded to messages that referenced what I had said in my profile. All of the other responses are just perverts trying their luck with every woman on there. Even if they send you a long message, if it looks generic and something they've copied/pasted then ignore it. Anyone worth your time would have taken the time to read your profile and want to talk to you about it and not just "Hi, how are you?". I also ignored messages with serious spelling and grammar mistakes.

Try another website like match or Eharmony. I found on the paid sites it got rid of a lot of guys sending those kind of messages. You just have to learn how to spot them and filter them out. Even on the paid sites I got some inappropriate messages. "Wow, you have huge boobs!" Was one and I had a 63 year old (I was 26 at the time) saying he would like to see more photos of me before we took this any further. That the first message he had sent! Like I said some guys just like to try their luck.

Good luck with OLD. Don't give up on it. I found I managed to meet guys I wouldn't normally have met (including my DH). When I first met my MIL (early 70's) said she thought it was amazing what you can find on the internet nowadays!

Original poster
PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 10:08

I have just received this.

Good Morning Miss Moo,
how are you?
An intriguing profile you have there...not enough tall, blue-eyed, porcelain-skinned, cat-loving Virgo ladies on here if you ask me... :)
I know this is an unusual icebreaker but I was wondering if you might enjoy intimately enveloping unusual, exotic, wonderfully tactle items in a sensual, indulgent, empowering way? If so I have a suggestion you might find strangely alluring....are you curious to hear more, even if only to smile at?

WTF does ^that even mean!

App deleted.
I may just get another cat and be done with men Grin

OP posts:
Dowser · 03/08/2019 10:27

Met a man on POF...we chatted for 6 weeks before meeting up. He was only my second date.
Just had our 11th anniversary and our fourth wedding anniversary.
Perhaps it was a nicer place then.

ThePhoenixRises · 03/08/2019 10:28

BSDM

Original poster
PennysPocket · 03/08/2019 10:30

It seems I am not alone. Another disenchanted women has posted about OLD in relationships.
They say misery loves company Grin

OP posts:
MyAppleTree · 03/08/2019 10:36

Problem is as you get into it, and speak to a few “normal” men they are in the same boat! A lot of women now send intimate pictures as an introduction, filthy messages etc. And there are quite a lot of sex workers touting on them.

It’s a cesspit!

I would say of all of them Bumble is the best as women initiate contact, it blocks pictures unless you tap to view and it flags up potential inappropriate language and asks if you want to report it.

A lot of sleazes still manage to get through though.

BearSoFair · 03/08/2019 10:37

I don't have any personal experience of OLD but my sister is using it at the moment, just yesterday she was showing me some of the messages she receives...they're grim. She'd spoken to one guy for a few days, he seemed ok until he asked for nude photos, when she refused he told her 'fuck off and stop wasting my time, you're not that special anyway' Shock Shock