Should I stick the screaming out at bedtime?

[a5m5y]

My LO used to fall asleep downstairs and we would carry him up to his cot (in his own room). He is 9 months old.
But now we are trying to put him to sleep in his cot first as last, as he is getting older. Only he screams and screams- I know this is totally our doing, but my question is should we just ride out the screaming? I feel so cruel even though I know it's just through temper
Many thanks x

Seriously?! Nine month olds do not have tempers. You have turned his whole routine upside down and he has no other way of telling you.

God almighty no, life is too short to listen to babies cry. Pick him up, soothe him to sleep and just ride out the fact that he loves you so much he wants you near when he falls asleep. He's still so very young to be having to sleep solo. DS2 didn't sleep consistently in his own room til he was nearly 3; we jut went with what he was happiest with and now he's an incredible sleeper and such a happy child; I honestly believe I was a happier parent not having to listen to him cry at bedtime.

Bloody hell; pick up your baby and give them a cuddle!

Well yes I cuddled him to sleep, but he was crying. I thought this was a comfort zone to ask anything without being judged, my bad. Thanks anyway.

9 months is far too young for any kind of temper tantrum or sleep training.
Definitely do not leave them to scream. There are gentle ways to encourage a good bedtime routine, but not needed at this age.
Does it really matter if they fall asleep in your arms and then you put them down in their cot?
We’ve only recently started putting our DS2 down awake in his cot and he’s 20 months now, that’s after he started settling himself at nursery for his naps. Wouldn’t dream of ever leaving him screaming in his cot.

@a5m5y - have you came across the pick up put down method? We used a variation of it when I had to move my daughter from falling asleep on me. It’s not an aggressive sleeps strategy; but worked for us.

What exactly are you trying to do? Have you gone from his just falling asleep whenever on your lap to trying to put him wide awake in his cot? Or do you have a routine downstairs (bath, get changed, read a book, cuddle with a bottle) which you’re trying to move upstairs?

Wow that was a lot of judgement. Many people think leaving babies to scream a bit is ok. I never did it but have met plenty who did and their kids seem emotionally fine.

It might be a good idea to start elements of a bedtime routine to calm things down. We always did bath, book, bed. Every single night. It got so that as long as bath and book happened, bed could be more or less any time after 5 pm (not at 9 months though)!

I'm sorry that responses have been overwhelming harsh. It's hard enough being a parent without people telling you how shit (and obviously awful) your question/suggestion is.

Its absolutely fine for you to want to move towards a more independent bedtime routine but you will need to take it slow. Do you do a bedtime/bath routine upstairs? Can you do this then read until they fall asleep in your arms and then move to cot etc?

Little steps in the right direction might be the way forward. Keep your LO feeling safe and secure and you will get there.

*at 4 months we introduced bath book bed and being away from the tv/downstairs goings on made a huge difference to how well our baby settled, so dont believe the 9 months is too young for a 'routine'

Ignore the books! Any experienced parent will tell you to go with what your young baby needs.
I’m an adult and I go to sleep when I’m ready and comfy etc. I can’t just fall asleep because someone tells me to.
A young baby should feel safe secure and happy with what’s going on.
Personally I co sleep with my young ones until they are ready for a bed.
No waking up dramas, babies feel safe. I’m right there for them, and don’t have to get up and fanny about at night
It’s also really bonding in my opinion.
You have to do what works best for you and baby. 9 months is really young to be training.
I think bed time should be a relaxed positive experience. Not, ‘it’s 7, go to sleep’

Oh no I didn't mean 9 months is too young for a routine! Just the bit about being able to do bed at any time on the strength of it. Never too early for a bedtime routine in my view, even if it's just to keep the parents feeling like day and night still exists!

I agree you can implement a routine but it will take time if your aim is for the baby to self settle.
My baby had only ever breastfed to sleep and I’d have loved to be able to just put him down, it was only once nursery had gently managed to ”train” him to nap that we were able to do the same at home with minimal fuss.

I really don't think the OP meant that they are leaving their baby alone to scream. He is protesting at the change in routine.

For now, can you take him upstairs awake and allow him to fall asleep in your arms (or however he is currently falling asleep downstairs) and then transfer him to cot. You can then gradually introduce elements to an upstairs routine, building towards him going into his cot awake.

It's a5m5y here, I broke my heart crying at the first few responses so deleted my account, but my friend told me there were nicer ones too so I feel I should thank you.
I didn't leave him screaming alone or for ages, I cuddled him to sleep, although he was still upset.
I want to work towards a more independent sleep routine yes, I didn't put him in wide awake, he was readying for sleep downstairs so I thought I would try him in his cot.
I understand everyone has different views and I now understand that I jumped in too soon and I will definitely try some of your recommendations thank you all x

Hi OP. Sorry you felt so horrible about the first few replies. Having babies is hard. If it makes you feel any better, when she was a baby my dd (who is 10 now and resilient as anything) screamed so hard she tired herself out and fell into an immediate sleep. Obviously anxious mother me thought she was dead and woke her up again to let her scream a bit more

Thank you so much.
It didn't help that I didn't word it as I should have maybe, but I didn't expect to be sworn at
Haha, it's just constant worrying isn't it! That's what he did tonight, he was dog tired, so thought I maybe lucky and he would go down lol. But i will make more of a routine so he knows what's happening going forward.

@Quaver14 I would introduce a bed time routine down stairs, so a couple of things you do every night before sleep. So for example have a bath, then go downstairs and put pjs on, bottle, brush teeth, book, then cuddle him to sleep exactly as you’ve been doing until now. After a week or so go upstairs after you’ve brushed his teeth, and read and book and cuddle upstairs, then after another few days gradually move the whole routine upstairs. Once you’ve got the routine so he knows what to expect you can start working on getting him to fall asleep alone.

Good luck, they’re hard work aren’t they!

That's a great help and something I will certainly start from tomorrow, i really appreciate it. Thank you

The responses here are ridiculous. Baby’s should not be picking their own bed times and going to bed when they are tired, they need regimes.
@Quaver14 My DD has a routine I got from a book I swear by and was recommended by someone I trust. I’d be happy to PM you it

And my nine month old has a temper 🤔

So has mine haha, jsut recently developed but it's certainly there.
That would be helpful thank you @BelulahBlanca

They learn op. We just put our almost 14mo to bed awake with zero tears when we’ve cuddled and rocked to sleep for his whole life. It’s always worth trying these things as they grow so fast they can surprise you with what they do but don’t let them just scream.