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Original poster

Feeling embarrassed. I have no friends

28 replies

Relationshipsajoke · 02/08/2019 18:38

I literally have zero friends. I have people that I refer to as friends, but really - they aren’t. I hardly ever see them, I have to initiate contact and if I’ve got stuff going on or I’m really upset I sit there and I think “I don’t actually have a single person that I can go to with this”

I’m SO lonely. Major relationship issues. I’m just alone all the time with the baby and my older kids during the time they are with me and not their dad.

I don’t have a clue how to rectify this.

I have no hobbies, no job, I’m just here, in this bloody house counting the hours all the time.

I don’t know what I even expect anyone to say really. But I needed to tell “someone”

OP posts:
Cloudyapples · 02/08/2019 18:40

Do you have much time where the kids are not with you op? Could you use that time to join some Activities and meet new people? Where are you based - maybe some Mumsnet tees can suggest things near you?

00100001 · 02/08/2019 18:40

What is stopping you joining local hobby clubs/churches/social groups/volunteering?

These are all.places I have met my friends

maet · 02/08/2019 18:41

I was like this.

Do you have Facebook? There will be a group for women in your area, also for mother's.

That's how I made my friends. I posted on there that I wanted to widen my social circle, so many people responded and I made very good friendships that way.

There are also apps.

I hope you'll find people you enjoy spending time with!

Sending you good thoughts!

EskewedBeef · 02/08/2019 18:43

Could you take the baby to some groups? I made some lovely friends that way.

HarissaPaste · 02/08/2019 18:47

I had no friends when I moved here a few years ago, just DH and the kids. Social media only masked the fact I had no one to spend time with. You have to be pro-active about it- I joined a gym and went to classes where I made friends and I also joined a women’s club where i knew no one and I have met some of the best friends of my entire life there and outside meetings. we’re always organising stuff to do together.

You have to put yourself out there. Taking that initial leap is hard but necessary. Good luck, OP

Original poster
Relationshipsajoke · 02/08/2019 18:49

Baby is coming up 1. I don’t find I have an interest in anything hobby wise, I don’t know, I just don’t seem able to sort this. I’m Essex/herfordshire based

OP posts:
Original poster
Relationshipsajoke · 02/08/2019 18:51

I don’t really have any time when I don’t have the baby, I forgot to say.

OP posts:
EskewedBeef · 02/08/2019 18:54

The very easiest way to socialise is to get to some baby groups. You've got something in common with everyone there, they're cheap and there's no obligation to keep going if you're not keen after giving it a go.

HarissaPaste · 02/08/2019 18:59

If you don’t really have any time without the baby then a parent and baby group seems to be a good option. Either that or an online group.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/08/2019 19:01

Get a job OP

Original poster
Relationshipsajoke · 02/08/2019 19:03

@TeachesOfPeaches thanks for that helpful comment....what do you suppose I do with the baby and the other kids whilst I’m at this job? If I was able to get a job I would

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 02/08/2019 19:07

Your baby is a year old, why can't you get a job? I'm single parent and went back to work full time when my son was 8 months old. You can get a childminder. I hated maternity leave.

Jamhandprints · 02/08/2019 19:14

Toddler groups or a toddler class, people sometimes can be more friendly at the classes. Are your older ones at school? Could you invite a friend of theirs with their parent to a play date at yours or the park? Its a bit scary but that is how I made the few friend so have now.

RainbowsandSnowdrops · 02/08/2019 19:18

Can you afford to do part time work and childcare?

I do three days a week, it was hard at first as I didn’t want to leave DD but it’s been great to have grown up conversations again. I also joined a couch to 5k group which has been a good way of meeting new people. Would you be able to get childcare for an hour a week in the evening?

Yaflamingalah · 02/08/2019 19:19

So you have any children at school OP? I have made a few friends that way (we were new to our area when I became pregnant with DD1). You have to make an effort though. I made friends with the mums of DDs best friends and luckily the majority of them were nice, normal women.

I also have a part-time job so don’t have the level of boredom or loneliness. Could you look at finding something for a few hours a week - just for some adult company?

silverystream · 02/08/2019 19:22

Baby and toddler groups. When you get chatting with people suggest meet ups. You could base them around an activity if you are shy. For example, put a YouTube fitness / yoga video on that you say you'd like to do with a friend or go running /walking in a local park with your pushchairs.

silverystream · 02/08/2019 19:24

In the nice weather you could set up a paddling pool for the little one and invite another with their parent round to play in it too.

silverystream · 02/08/2019 19:26

Good social hobbies to develop are some kind of fitness and cookery. Plenty to share with other people, gives you confidence, good for health.

VincentVanGoughandhisear · 02/08/2019 19:38

Stacey Solomon mentioned the PEANUT app the other day and she was using it to make friends with other mums locally. Could that be an option?

HypatiaCade · 02/08/2019 19:42

Do your DC play sport? I got to know some of the other parents through that, and have made some good friends. It was better there than at the school gate. I found it much harder with a baby though. You can't really talk to the parents of your older DC's friends, because of your little one.

sausageandrashers · 02/08/2019 20:04

I'm afraid you need to be really proactive and keep putting yourself out there. Baby groups are ok but I always find it difficult to meet people at baby groups because it can be hard to break into the cliques already formed. It's not impossible though.
I've made a good friend through the mush app. I made most of my mum friends when my eldest went to nursery and school. I just arranged play dates with his friend's mums. You're not gonna love them all but there may be one or two that you find you have a bit more in common with than simply that you both have kids. The others at least get you out of the house for a while. Keep trying OP. It's scary and it's not quick making friends but just throw itself into and your situation should change.

froot · 02/08/2019 20:24

I don't know if it helps at all but there are some great baby/toddler groups in the waltham cross/ Cheshunt area, also the local churches do some good ones (you don't need to be religious, I'm not in the slightest)

There's something going on around here most days, I don't know anyone either but it really is a good way to get out of the house for a bit x

Jenu294 · 02/08/2019 20:27

Sounds like you're bordering on depression and you can't see a way out of this rut you've gotten yourself into?

Being a stay at home mum can be very lonely. I don't have many friends as such to turn to either - many of them are busy doing exactly what you and I are doing, running a family!

There are millions of us mums going through the same thing. Try and get yourself to a local church, or support group. Even if you don't chat to many people at first it'll get you out of the house. Who knows? You might meet some wonderful folk who can appreciate what you're going through?

If you're really feeling low, you can't face much then do seek advice from your doctor.

In the meantime share your feelings with your husband; confide in him. You might be pleasantly surprised. Get a date night together and really start investing in your marriage - make home happy again. Then friends will be a second priority when you just need some time out.

Hope all goes well.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/08/2019 20:30

Don’t know if you are religious but church can be very sociable.

Or there are baby groups.

And in a few years time you can get a job. This is not forever OP.

sweetkitty · 02/08/2019 20:34

OP is a single mum

Toddler groups were my lifeline when I lived here and knew no one. It was hard at first but I kept going and eventually made some great friends who are still friends now over 14 years later. My thing was to get out the house to at least one thing everyday even just for an hour.

A part-time job might be an idea as well.

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