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Do these sound like red flags ?

29 replies

French189 · 02/08/2019 08:57

He wasn't someone who boasted about himself, he had a range of hobbies and a group of mates who he had known for a while so that was good.

However, he said that he didn't like Muslims, that 'jobs in Britain should only be for British people'. Made a joke about a child in my workplace being radicalised.

He admitted himself that he 'was good at making people feel bad' and 'used to be very good at falling out with people, but has improved'.

Very occasionally takes cocaïne and says he 'used to be very bad on it'. In late 20s and gets sloshed every weekend, sometimes twice per week.

Said himself he is a 'bad son' and doesn't see his parents much even though they live 2 miles away. Admits he has gotten into fights because he has mouthed off at people.

Another car driver beeped at him and he said 'shut up you cunt'.

Referred to me as 'mate' once or twice. Would make fun of my facial expressions and called me a cheapskate because I said I found my mate's hen do expensive (200 quid for 1 night) even though I bought him dinner several times and bought him a couple of things.

Then we would go out to a restaurant and he would say "oh, is that because it's the cheapest thing on the menu ?" if I ordered the soup. And he would say I was clumsy and had a crap memory. I genuinely dont mind having a laugh and some teasing, as long as it's teamed with some kind comments.
He gave me a couple of compliments on my clothes and my looks but never said anything really sweet about me/me and him or spending time with me.

Told him 2 of my Spanish friends were applying for citizenship in the UK and that it was quite pricey and difficult, and he told me 'well that's what you get for free NHS etc.'

OP posts:
French189 · 02/08/2019 08:59

I think for me the worst was the jobs in Britain comment, given that my Dad is foreign and has worked here for over 30 years too. I challenged him on that and he couldnt really answer.
Claims that his views are a result of his 'farming background'

OP posts:
AudacityOfHope · 02/08/2019 09:01

Well he sounds like an unpleasant bastard, if that's any help!

thelaststraw123 · 02/08/2019 09:02

Possibly.
But he sounds like a twat!

Mishappening · 02/08/2019 09:02

Well - what are you getting out of this relationship? Write a list.

ALittleBitAlexis · 02/08/2019 09:07

He sounds like a tedious twat.

candylicious · 02/08/2019 09:07

Sounds like a judgemental arse to me.

Personally that wouldn't be someone I could ever get involved with, not with a clear conscience anyway, not even as a friend.

Sorry.

French189 · 02/08/2019 09:11

Thanks for the replies. Yeah, I think the fact that he is a 'little Englander' was probably the biggest, especially as I said my Father isnt British and I have several international friends living and working here. I suppose he is just small-minded.

OP posts:
Whiskeylover45 · 02/08/2019 09:12

Hes a racist arsehole. All steam, no power. Get rid, you can do miles better xx

StayAChild · 02/08/2019 09:12

If I had to find anything positive about your post it would be that you are speaking about him in the past tense.

Readytogogogo · 02/08/2019 09:13

Unless you're into racist aggresive arrogant small minded idiots, I'd run for the hills.

allymcn · 02/08/2019 09:13

Sounds like an absolute bam! I'd get out to be fair, sounds like he's got a nasty resentful streak.

user1493413286 · 02/08/2019 09:14

Run, fast! I was thinking that on your first few lines about his racism. The rest of it just makes me think he’s trouble and is already putting you down.

thecherryontop · 02/08/2019 09:15

Didn't even need to finish the second paragraph. RED FLAG. Do yourself favour.

icelollycraving · 02/08/2019 09:17

What on earth do you see in him? Set your bar higher. He sounds an absolute racist wanker.
You are surely worth more than this.

Babdoc · 02/08/2019 09:20

So - a racist class A drug user, who calls you a clumsy forgetful cheapskate, mocks your facial expressions, swears at drivers and gets into fights.
Wow, what a keeper, OP! You must be so thrilled with this catch. Oh, wait.....

LittleKitty1985 · 02/08/2019 09:25

The fact that these things bother you is enough of a reason to end it. You're just not compatible - look for someone who shares your values & free him to find someone who shares his.

Ellie56 · 02/08/2019 09:32

Yep. He sounds thoroughly unpleasant. You can do better.

Kinraddie · 02/08/2019 09:40

He doesn't sound like a nice person really. Would you want him as a father to your children? You should love and respect a partner, and I'm not sure you can do both, can you?

French189 · 02/08/2019 09:47

I think these replies have definitely helped me to see him for what he is. And as a poster mentioned, absolutely, he can find someone else who will share his views. Well i'm glad to have had this wake-up call !

OP posts:
chipsandgin · 02/08/2019 09:50

Red flags is an understatement! A racist, nasty, punchy, mean pisshead who doesn’t care about his family & puts you down constantly..seriously, just why would you bother!?

Run. Then get some counselling for what must be cripplingly low self esteem if you think this is what you deserve- because it really, truly isn’t, you should accept it, ever.

People like him deserve to live a short and lonely life & die alone and lonely face down in their own vomit, or mysteriously in a prison cell - not be enabled by partners they’ve convinced deserve their twisted, pathetic fuckwittery.

In essence get rid & don’t look back!

chipsandgin · 02/08/2019 09:52

X-post - sounds like a positive attitude OP - stay strong (& I really hope he doesn’t find anyone who shares his views or puts up with his shit!)

tectonicplates · 02/08/2019 10:08

Get out now. Don't let this develop any further.

iklboo · 02/08/2019 10:20

There are more red flags than a parade at The Kremlin. Run, block, ignore. Nasty man

Gramgram · 02/08/2019 11:27

You won't be able to change him, just leave him. You deserve much better.

LaMainDeFatima · 02/08/2019 11:30

Sounds like a racist . Don't disrespect your dad and what he went through by spending time with this guy