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Original poster

How to tell friend of ds he can’t come on holiday with us?

57 replies

Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 21:38

I am going away for three nights with two of my dc tomorrow. A friend of one of them keeps on asking my older ds if he can come too - keeps on asking ds.

Ds not sure what to say without saying being rude - any suggestions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 21:56

They are 14.

They were together this afternoon and ds phoned me while his friend was in the same room. My immediate reaction was to say we can’t talk about it on the phone like this.

I should have been a lot more direct.

So the friend thought there was a chance.

The friend isn’t going anywhere this summer and wants to I think.

I totally agree that kids need to know how to say no and my ds does find it very difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 21:58

Thanks for suggestions. Ds has texted to say he has asked me, and I have said it’s a family trip but that he can come to spend a night when we are back.

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 01/08/2019 22:00

Mom/dad says no.
End.

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Families
Soola · 01/08/2019 22:00

How bizarre.

ProseccoSupernova · 01/08/2019 22:01

FFS this is ridiculous, grow up and be the bloody parent!!!!

greenwaterbottle · 01/08/2019 22:04

Friend is a cf. beware of more cf requests.

Giraffey1 · 01/08/2019 22:05

A good opportunity to help train your son in the art of difficult conversations. I’d suggest he tells his friend that it’s a family trip so no room for anyone else, and that he will look forward to seeing him when he gets back.

Branleuse · 01/08/2019 22:05

Maybe him and your ds could arrange to do something over the summer like camp in the garden

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 01/08/2019 22:07

Parents say NO.

When I was younger if I didn’t want to do something that what I always said that My parents had said no as I was too shy to just say I didn’t want too

Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 22:08

I could have texted the friend’s Mum and just said no, but the conversation was between ds and his friend.

FWIW I was telling ds just to say no. He was the one who felt awkward and I came on here for suggestions on how he could word it.

Which he has done now fairly directly and blaming me which is fine.

This friend is far too pushy anyway and I think he needs to learn how to stand up to him.

OP posts:
Sunandrainallconfusedhere · 01/08/2019 22:09

Read this cautionary tale.
Took ds +friend abroad. Both 14.
Sent the absolute little shits home via plane after 5 days.
DON'T DO IT OP.....

Hecateh · 01/08/2019 22:09

Well it's no wonder that he finds it difficult to say no when you can't.

You knew he was asking and yet, even when you were there, you were unable to say NO.

I know that it is difficult but you can't expect your son to do something that you can't do.

He learns his coping strategies from YOU

Rachelle11 · 01/08/2019 22:12

To be fair it sounds like you are both pretty big push overs.

Lettucelady · 01/08/2019 22:13

FFS this is ridiculous, grow up and be the bloody parent!!!!
Come on op, no wonder your ds doesn’t know what to do if you are like this.

Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 22:17

(My last post was in response to Prosecco.)

Friend is a cf. beware of more cf requests.

Yes he is a bit.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/08/2019 22:19

Why did you pander to this whatfuckery ?

TheMistressQuickly · 01/08/2019 22:22

What is a cf?

SeeSomethingSaySomething · 01/08/2019 22:24

This friend is far too pushy anyway and I think he needs to learn how to stand up to him.

I think you both do!

I notice on your son’s text he didn’t actually say ‘no’ and placated the cf-in-training with a sleepover!

Completely bizarre.

ThighsRelief · 01/08/2019 22:26

Take it from an old crone, never take someone else's child on holiday. It costs a fortune and it's never a two way street.

Done it soooo many times.

Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 22:27

I probably do find it hard to say no.

Part of me feels sorry that the friend’s family apparently don’t have enough money to go anywhere this summer, and so part of me thinks well we could accommodate the friend.

But it would totally change the dynamic and not in a nice way.

Anyway it’s been dealt with, and the friend pretended he had been joking all along.

OP posts:
Lettucelady · 01/08/2019 22:33

I can understand your ds not knowing what to say to his friend, but a grown woman needs to ask how to say no to a child brazenly asking if he can come on holiday. Is this for real?

krustykittens · 01/08/2019 22:33

It is really not your problem that they can't afford to go away, holidays are a luxury not a necessity. We couldn't afford holidays when I was a kid, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking friend's if their parents would stump up for me!

Drum2018 · 01/08/2019 22:36

Don't feel sorry for him. You don't want a situation where he's tagging along on family days out. Whether his parents can or can't afford a holiday this year, or any other year, is not your problem.

Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 22:40

but a grown woman needs to ask how to say no to a child brazenly asking if he can come on holiday. Is this for real?

I have no idea why people feel the need to be rude. Have to remind myself that for every one person who is rude, there are many many more who are not.

I did tell ds what to say, he wasn’t buying it. Coming on here helped and he took suggestions on board.

When the request first presented itself on the phone, I was slow to react because it was so unexpected and weird I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holidayquestion1 · 01/08/2019 22:41

You don't want a situation where he's tagging along on family days out.

No I agree.

OP posts:
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