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Original poster

WWYD - let them go hungry or deliver lunch?

85 replies

Pancakeflipper · 31/07/2019 12:15

14 yr old son has a current tendency for teenage 'it's about me'.
He's got a sports camp today. Was faffing and late this morning (on his phone).
I made him a sandwich for lunch to help him out. His lunch box was upstairs in his bag from yesterday (this annoys me) so told him I'd leave the sandwich in the fridge for him.

Just opened fridge and there's the sandwich.
No catering facilities at camp. Do I drive it round to him (would take me 15 mins to get there) Or ignore it?

OP posts:
MillicentMartha · 31/07/2019 13:14

Perfect natural consequence in action! And at his inconvenience not yours.

nanbread · 31/07/2019 13:15

Bet he's stroppy when he gets back, ha

Userplusnumbers · 31/07/2019 13:15

I wouldn't take it personally, he's not going to die.

Don't let it fool you into thinking he'll learn any sort of life lesson or change his behaviour. As soon as he's eaten again he'll have forgotten all about it. He's 14 after all.

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14 year olds Families
Original poster
Pancakeflipper · 31/07/2019 13:18

@contrary13 - a bit of me suspects his coach would have suggested biking round to get it and not my boy 😄 The coach is lovely and quite rightly expects the older ones to resolve issues (think he's for tough love!)

OP posts:
CuckooCuckooClock · 31/07/2019 13:19

That’s the perfect result.
I would have taken it if he hadn’t come home to get it.
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t unless it happened regularly or you were far too busy yourself.
It’s not a teachable moment, it’s an opportunity to help out another person a little cost to yourself.
I despair at the selfishness of the world!

SeeSomethingSaySomething · 31/07/2019 13:20

Perfect outcome!

PixieLumos · 31/07/2019 13:21

Plenty of adults occasionally forget their lunch in the fridge - I don’t think this is linked to his ‘it’s about me’ lazy teenage phase. It’s a sports event so he’ll need food, 15 mins isn’t that far - bring the boy his lunch.

Esca · 31/07/2019 13:21

I clicked on this as I have just this minute got in from delivering my 20yo son's lunch to his workplace! (A slight difference is that I just happened to notice he'd left it here, I'm at home on holiday and I was going into town anyway, so it was no bother. He didn't ask me to bring it, but his obvious appreciation absolutely lit up my morning. He went to the gym at 6.30am and was hungry!)

What I will say is that I've had two 14 sons who were just as self-absorbed and forgetful as your son has been today. It's exasperating, but it's also never a bad idea to demonstrate caring, if you can, and if it isn't to your detriment. Sometimes I could help them with forgotten stuff, sometimes I couldn't; that's life.

These days, my son messages me every night on his way home to ask if I need anything from the supermarket, so I feel like those early demonstrations on how to be a caring human paid off.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 31/07/2019 13:22

@MichelleC69 @contrary13

I too want my children to be independent adults but also to be kind, caring and considerate like families should be.
Not taking a sandwich to him isn’t going to suddenly make him an independent thinker.
We can agree to disagree but I just find it a bit mean not taking a sandwich to a 14 year old who’s at a sports camp for the day.

@Pancakeflipper that’s a good outcome! Hopefully he stays off the phone in the morning !

Esca · 31/07/2019 13:22

Crossposted with your update. Glad that everyone is happy!

PapaStinky · 31/07/2019 13:22

My son is a bit forgetful like this at times I was called by the school more than once as he had forgotten his gym kit. The last time I refused to take it in. Or maybe he was playing me and did it on purpose so he could miss PE Grin But lunch is another matter, no way would I feel happy to know he was going without food all day so I'd definitely take it for him in that instance.

CuckooCuckooClock · 31/07/2019 13:23

esca that is a much better lesson to teach our children imo.

jellycatspyjamas · 31/07/2019 13:24

I would have taken it, I want my kids to know I’ve got their back - we all forget things and make mistakes, at 14 he’s still quite young to go without food all day. There will be many many teachable moments between 14 and adulthood where he can learn responsibility but to not take him lunch when it wouldn’t put me out particularly feels unkind.

OMGshefoundmeout · 31/07/2019 13:25

The coach is absolutely right. No way should you be running around after him.

latexsalesman · 31/07/2019 13:26

@Esca your son sounds lovely

Original poster
Pancakeflipper · 31/07/2019 13:27

Thank you all for your responses - I think you are all right and I am glad I asked cos" it seems to be a balance of kindness and taking responsibilities n growing up.

Which is why when I take out younger sibling soon I will leave his key with the neighbour because he's also forgotten that. But he had to put himself out for his own lunch.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 31/07/2019 13:29

Stupid stuff like this can end up becoming big arguments that are completely avoidable.

I agree. If he’s at a sports camp, he will need something to eat. It’s just spiteful not to bring it.

This is what some refer to as ‘a teachable moment.’ Likelihood is that other people will share with him anyway. And he’ll remember it’s his responsibility the next time!

He’ll remember his friends will help him out if he makes a mistake.

What will he learn if you run round there with his lunch

That his mum has his back.

Can you imagine if I posted that my OH made my lunch and put it in the fridge but I forgot to take it. He’s only 15 minutes away but is refusing to bring it to me as I need to learn some responsibility? He’s be a controlling twat that I should leave.

But it’s absolutely fine to treat teenagers this way?

There are better ways to teach responsibility than leaving him to go hungry.

Yabbers · 31/07/2019 13:31

Which is why when I take out younger sibling soon I will leave his key with the neighbour because he's also forgotten that. But he had to put himself out for his own lunch.

I’d have done it the other way round. Brought his lunch, let him deal with the no key issue.

NB: my judgement could be affected by the fact I feel really ill if I’m hungry.

Original poster
Pancakeflipper · 31/07/2019 13:34

Fair point @Yabbers
Why feel more exaggerated about a sandwich than a key? Might be the horrid rainy weather?

OP posts:
Yabbers · 31/07/2019 13:41

@Pancakeflipper

I hate being hungry. Wouldn’t like being locked out but that’s the least worst option for me.

GreenTulips · 31/07/2019 13:41

Yesterday I was at a neighbors house, has my phone and didn’t take a key.

DS got up and went out. Locked me a DD out.
DD was at work, no key either.
DH came home early he didn’t have keys

Only one person had a key, 14 year old boy who was AWOL.

They don’t all forget

IamWaggingBrenda · 31/07/2019 13:43

He’s at sports camp, he needs to eat for energy. How about bringing his lunch, have a chat with him tonight and have him make his own lunch from now on. He’s still a kid, and no, he won’t starve, but food is a basic necessity for heaven’s sake.

CaMePlaitPas · 31/07/2019 13:44

If it was the first time and it was a genuine mistake then I'd bring it round. But it doesn't sound like a mistake or the first time so no, I would leave the sandwich untouched in the fridge - he can bring it with him tomorrow.

CarolDanvers · 31/07/2019 13:45

I would take it because we all forget things and not every mistake our older children make is an opportunity for us to leap on gleefully in order to ram home an Important Life Lesson.

sonjadog · 31/07/2019 13:47

I forget my lunch all the time. Even though I am an adult who manages to keep a professional career going. I don't think it is a great "learning moment" but more a moment for kindness. The coach has suggested a great solution to it this time, but otherwise I would have driven it over with it.

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