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Original poster

WWYD - let them go hungry or deliver lunch?

85 replies

Pancakeflipper · 31/07/2019 12:15

14 yr old son has a current tendency for teenage 'it's about me'.
He's got a sports camp today. Was faffing and late this morning (on his phone).
I made him a sandwich for lunch to help him out. His lunch box was upstairs in his bag from yesterday (this annoys me) so told him I'd leave the sandwich in the fridge for him.

Just opened fridge and there's the sandwich.
No catering facilities at camp. Do I drive it round to him (would take me 15 mins to get there) Or ignore it?

OP posts:

Chathamhouserules · 31/07/2019 12:56

If he normally remembers stuff I'd take it. If he doesn't then I wouldn't.

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/07/2019 12:57

He may be ‘hungry’, but he certainly will not ‘starve’. I would absolutely not take it - he is 14, not 4

contrary13 · 31/07/2019 12:58

I'd leave him to learn the consequences of his choice to forget his lunch, quite honestly. At 14, this is a life lesson for him. After all, you're an adult - if you forgot your lunch, and had no access to a shop/money to buy lunch, what would you do? You'd miss a meal and then eat when you got home. Which, if your 14 year old is like mine - he'll do anyway. He's not going to starve. And it'll hopefully teach him to organise himself a bit better if he wants to eat at lunch-time.

My 14 year old would be absolutely mortified if I showed up clutching his forgotten lunch (although he knows I won't, because I spelled that out to him when he started senior school: "you forget your lunch, then you have to wait until you get home again... like adults do!"). They're wannabe adults, at this age, I'm afraid... and their doting mummies running around after them isn't going to teach them anything useful.

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14 year olds Families

GCAcademic · 31/07/2019 12:58

If you do take it, you should dress and behave in a way that will cause him maximum embarrassment.

bobstersmum · 31/07/2019 12:59

I'd take it! I'd be starving all day doing sport without food

ThisIsNotAIBUPeople · 31/07/2019 12:59

I'd take it
I'm a pushover

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 31/07/2019 13:02

I'd take it......... but I'd embarrass the hell out of him (which to be honest at 14 probably involves just turning up with his lunch).

PaquitaVariation · 31/07/2019 13:02

Take it. What he will learn then is that family helps each other out, we all make mistakes/are forgetful sometimes, but I can count on my family to help me with that. Then when he gets home talk about setting a reminder on his phone to pick his lunch up tomorrow.

FamilyOfAliens · 31/07/2019 13:02

I’d take it and leave the “life lessons” for something bigger.

If he doesn’t eat at all during an all day sports camp, you may have a bigger problem on your hands than an uneaten sandwich.

BlueSkiesLies · 31/07/2019 13:03

Is there a vending machine on-site? If so he can get himself a pack of crisps and a snickers ad be fine (probably think its the best lunch ever)

contrary13 · 31/07/2019 13:03

"... i know i'll be flamed for this but does he have pretty strong mental health,has he any other things going on.becasue just makes sure someone vulnerable already wouldnt think i dont deserve to eat,mum didnt bring me food etc.sounds silly to a rationale mind but if a teen is already struggling..."

Or he might just be a normal 14 year old boy, perhaps, who forgot one lunch sandwich, despite his mother having made it for him and told him where it was? Not every teenager has MH issues. Most of them are just... teenagers, who forget things, and need to learn not to. Which is probably the case here (I'm sorry, OP, if I'm mistaken and your son has crippling MH issues...).

I'm not flaming you, by the way, Kate - I'm just flabbergasted that this is where your brain went. Teenager forgot to take sandwich out of fridge... must have MH issues, and be struggling! Wow. I'd hate to see where my NPD/bipolar daughter would fit on your scale of life crisis'... because she can remember to not only make a lunch for herself - but also to take it out of the 'fridge at 0700 in a morning as she heads off for a day's work! As, indeed, can my 14 year old, having learned that I expect him to start to develop self-sufficiency at this age.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 31/07/2019 13:03

Nah, no chance. How is he going to learn about responsibility and consequences if you run about after him all the time. He won't starve - bet the others end up sharing their lunches with him.

katewhinesalot · 31/07/2019 13:05

Nope. This is a "natural consequence". He won't forget again if it's that much of a problem for him.

katewhinesalot · 31/07/2019 13:07

Although if it was a one off, out of character moment of forgetfulness then I would take it.

Iwantacookie · 31/07/2019 13:08

If he forgets alot of times leave it. If he doesn't take it.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 31/07/2019 13:08

Of course I’d take it to him, what is it with Mother’s on this site not helping their older kids out?
If your dh, partner, sister , brother forgot there lunch of course you would take it, it’s nice to be nice.

MichelleC69 · 31/07/2019 13:11

It's called teaching them to be responsible for their own actions, especially if they repeatedly forget stuff like this. I wouldn't take my husband's lunch to it if he forgot it - he's a grown up.

Twooter · 31/07/2019 13:11

It’s a sports camp - he’ll Need to ear. Take it.

Original poster

Pancakeflipper · 31/07/2019 13:12

Unexciting update with what happened to the lonely forgotten cheese sandwich.

I got a phone call from the coach 'your son has forgotten his lunch. I'm just checking you are at home, your son isbiking round to get it.'

That's a fair result I guess. I feel a little guilty I didn't volunteer to dash round with sandwich etc

But hopefully the bike ride home and back will make him remember tomorrow.

OP posts:

contrary13 · 31/07/2019 13:12

Give - maybe it's because we want our older children to grow into adults who are capable of looking after themselves, rather than permanent toddlers who expect their aging mothers to run round after them/remember everything for them?

Yes, it's nice to be nice... but it's not great to be everyone's doormat, I'm afraid.

MichelleC69 · 31/07/2019 13:13

Ah good outcome @pancakeflipper!

nanbread · 31/07/2019 13:13

I forget my lunch in fridge with alarming regularity - even bringing it into work then forgetting I've brought it in on occasion.

Given you've remembered and are able to drop it off without too much faff, that seems the kind thing to do, and I'd want to model kind behaviour over "teaching a lesson". Have a chat with him about it later though.

contrary13 · 31/07/2019 13:14

Pancake - I'm impressed your son accepted the responsibility for his own lunch, actually. And, frankly, I suspect he won't forget tomorrow.

nanbread · 31/07/2019 13:14

X-posted - sounds like a good solution.

Antonin · 31/07/2019 13:14

I’d just leave it in the fridge unnoticed and “presume” he’d taken it Up to him to text you if he wants it delivered.
Don’t lecture him, just let him get on with it.

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