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Original poster

Overheard on the train

53 replies

8Track · 30/07/2019 19:27

Man several seats away silently picks up a ringing phone.
"....Who is it?"
".."
"Terribly sorry I'm on a mountain train in Tibet; terrible signal!"
"......"
"Oh, no, no; I'm losing you..."
hangs up

No mate. We're going through a tunnel near Streatham.

Would love to know why that particular lie!!

Any other odd train conversations which have enlivened your journey? Or maybe it's just me who's overly entertained by minutiae!

OP posts:
Littlepond · 30/07/2019 21:10

I once heard a man on a payphone in a London station (few years ago mind) telling someone on the other end that he was stuck in the office and had to work late... I wanted to yell “he’s lying!!” But didn’t have the guts lol

Longdistance · 30/07/2019 21:15

Oh, I overheard a phone conversation today.

‘Jane, you’ve been taking the piss out of me, going off with your mates to the pub in town and leaving me on my own like some complete mug’.
‘You got that inheritance, and I paid all the bills for 12 year, and helped you when you had no money’.
‘Are you still there Jane? I’m still talking...’
Couldn’t hear what ‘Jane’ was saying, but this guy was nearly 60. He was quite loud on the phone, so no hiding his conversation.

UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe · 30/07/2019 21:29

Overheard on a night bus in London - two 20 something men a couple of seats behind me.

Dramatic man, panicking “Well he wasn’t dead when I left the flat! Fucking hell, what am I gonna do?”
Calm man (mutters something)
Dramatic man, sobbing “Well it’s not you that’s going to be in jail for the rest of your life is it!”
Calm man (mutters something)
Dramatic man “well just say you fucking saw him or something! I don’t want to go to prison!!”
Calm man’s phone rings, calm man mutters something.
Dramatic man “WELL HOW’S HE FUCKING CALLING YOU IF HE’S DEAD!!”

MichelleC69 · 30/07/2019 21:49

Overheard this morning: posh woman reading out the ingredients in her Starbucks porridge to her (clearly disinterested) work colleague....gets to quinoa and pronounces it 'kwin-oah'

Squirrel26 · 30/07/2019 21:57

Once overheard a woman on the train telling someone that her husband was allergic to 'Chinese food. If he has a take away he has to lie down on the floor after.'

Surely that's not being allergic. That's just eating too much take away.

ScratchyMap · 30/07/2019 22:00

The man next to me on a train was listening very intently to somebody on the other end of the phone for a long time, completely silently. Then he said “Kill Mike. We won’t need him now” and hung up Shock

TeapotofTerror · 30/07/2019 22:25

I have to confess, before mobile phones were everywhere, my ex and I used to pass the time on public transport having fake arguments/debates about our complicated fictitious personal lives, just to see the other passengers try not to gawp. Blush

StCharlotte · 30/07/2019 22:32

UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe

Priceless!

wheresmymojo · 30/07/2019 22:48

The man next to me on a train was listening very intently to somebody on the other end of the phone for a long time, completely silently. Then he said “Kill Mike. We won’t need him now” and hung up

I'm going to HAVE to do this when I start commuting again Grin

I was once sitting behind a guy on a train from Waterloo who was having a conversation with David Beckham...

Except his 'phone' was his own hand and he was quite clearly psychotic. At one point he also patched Elton John into his one way conversation into his own hand call.

Jeffjefftyjeff · 30/07/2019 22:59

Mine was more cute than dramatic:
Mum: no we can have a pet pigeon
Small child: I really really want one. We could steal one. They’re everywhere.
Mum: we can’t go around stealing pigeons sweetheart, what would the queen think?

NymphInYellow · 30/07/2019 23:01

Scratchy Are you sure it wasn't Dom Jolly?

Tartyflette · 30/07/2019 23:02

On a very crowded commuter train out of a London mainline station I was seated near a local MP (not mine, the next constituency ) who had unfortunately just been in the papers for inappropriate behaviour with several members of his staff -- not clear if it was male or female, but I think the former. AFAICR.
He was evidently having a terrible row with his wife, I could hear her screeching down the phone at him, accusing him of all sorts, then she clearly hung up on him, but he pretended she hadn't and continued to talk, saying 'it's fine darling, I'll be seeing the PM tomorrow. Ok, love you, bye.'.
He lost his seat at the next election. (He was not in the government and not very well known but was one of those rent-a-quote types who has since vanished without a trace. )

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 30/07/2019 23:08

I overheard someone sacking their nanny over the phone on a train. Apparently the nanny was abusing the privilege of the car she had been provided with for work. I only started listening halfway through the conversation so I didn't hear the exact nature of the abuse. The woman was on the phone to an agency immediately after the call to the nanny to organise emergency cover for the next day.

Tartyflette · 30/07/2019 23:10

On the same line out of London, late 90s, two vair posh young women were loudly discussing a famous English actress they clearly knew well and who had just given birth. It sounded as if they worked for her agency or management company.
There was a lovely picture of her and the baby in the Evening Standard and they were being complete bitches about her, saying how dreadful she looked, how she wasn't pretty anyway and needed to smarten herself up or she'd lose her gorgeous husband, who was 'so lovely and so nice' (admittedly a very dishy actor).
The poor woman had just given birth. It was clear who they were talking about, they used their first names and I had the paper with photo in front of me!
Happy to say the actress and her husband are still together some 20 years on. She is extremely successful, he does OK too but isn't quite in the same league as her.

drspouse · 30/07/2019 23:21

@AppropriateAdult please tell me you told them why it wouldn't work?

@StrandedStarfish that is really funny, good for the police officer!

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 31/07/2019 00:52

@UtterlyPerfectCartoonGiraffe like your username, that is gorgeous.

@TeapotofTerror, while DH and I have never quite done it for other people's reactions, we have done very similar to amuse ourselves.

My DH was very amused once to sit near a group of teenage girls on a bus who were outdoing each other with their shennanigans. Their conversation was about whether to spit or swallow. One girl said she'd gargled.

RavenLG · 31/07/2019 01:21

An ex used to live in a rather posh student area of a north eastern city. Local tesco express was always a brilliant place to overhear gems. One particular one was a 3 girls at the cash machine.
Girl at cash machine: SCREAMS
Mates: What?
Girl at cash machine: "My dad said he was going to cut me off, I can't believe he's actually done it. I'm going to fail my exam on Monday on purpose now, that'll show him" ...

LightDrizzle · 31/07/2019 01:35

Not on a bus, but I was in Cooplands Bakery on Newland Avenue in Hull early October a few years ago. The university is nearby and three lads walked in in overcoats and scarves and as they scanned the offering at the counter one asked in ringing RP tones “Do you do croissants?” - very politely I must add. When the woman replied “No love!” They all just looked a bit embarrassed and shuffled out. I thought “You’re not in Surrey now Sunshine!” Poor lads, it won’t have been their last culture shock.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 31/07/2019 02:47

LightDrizzle there’s a cracking new bakery on the Avenue now, run by an Easter European family and the pastries are to die for. If the lads stuck around for post-grad study they might be in for a treat! :o

MeakTiger · 31/07/2019 02:58

Woman screaming down the phone:

“How dare you accuse my daughter of being a bully you fucking cunt.... yes I saw the text messages she sent but it takes two to text, one to send and one to receive.... if you tell the fucking school my boyfriend will come and fucking do you, it won’t be safe for you to leave the fucking house you ugly bitch”.

The other person hung up. I hope she went to the school and police.

Triglesoffy · 31/07/2019 06:52

Overheard on mn

“Daily Mail wankers for stealing this thread”

“Yeah, cunting Daily Mail”

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 31/07/2019 07:04

GrinGrinGrin
Loving this thread. More please.
GrinGrinGrin

toomuchtooold · 31/07/2019 07:10

I was on the other side of one of these once. I was working in a branch of the civil service, doing a telecon with a bunch of very senior banking types talking about very commercially sensitive, confidential stuff. One of them talked about his bank's funding situation, loudly, for about ten minutes - only realised he was on a train at the end, when the driver announced they were about to arrive at Preston station...

Sometimes think there are blokes, it's mostly blokes, that think that the nice suit and the job title give them sort of magic powers. Yeah of course you can discuss commercially sensitive funding plans in front of the plebs, they won't know what you're on about!

DidntAskToBe · 31/07/2019 07:25

On a local train line once, suburb into northern city and one girl was holding court with those with her, describing another girl in a very loud and dramatic voice as her "archenemy". Collective carriage eyeroll. This is Liverpool, love

What's wrong with calling someone your archenemy? I mean it's a bit dramatic, but not that bizarre.

lightlypoached · 31/07/2019 07:32

On a train once. Packed in my carriage with a large team all from the same company, all talking loudly and openly about their business, issues, profitability, management, go to market - everything. One of them then piped up 'god it's lucky there's no one else in this carriage from another company with the secrets we're talking about,haha'.
I respond: 'well I am, hello. 😁'

They all fell silent looking a bit sick and desperately trying to remember what they'd been saying

Them: 'erm, so who do you work for?'
Me:'one of the large consultancies'
Them 'gulp, which one?'
Me, grinning : that would be telling and I wouldn't do that in an open carriage on a train Grin

I can be evil sometimes.