I am so touched out, hiding in bathroom and want to cry.

[twirlypoo]

This is going to be a rant, im so sorry, my brain just won’t work any other way today.

I’m a lone parent to the most amazing 7yo. It’s always just been the 2 of us as his dad left when I was pregnant so we are incredibly close. He has massive anxiety at the moment though, and he is following me around telling me he loves me. He’s sleeping in my bed, he can’t be in another room. He’s just shouted through “hey” to check in still on the loo, and to be honest, he often joins me and sits on the stairs outside the door so I’m just grateful he’s not with me here. I’m trying desperately not to tell him to bugger off as he obviously needs this right now, but I’m so deep into this situation which isn’t normal that I don’t know how to fix it.

I’ve just went back to work full time and am running a self employed business too, and my house is a tip. I literally bought us new pants today because I have no clean ones and the idea of sorting the laundry made me want to cry. I have to decorate all downstairs as we have no wallpaper and the carpets are not salvageable. My bed sheets have fake tan on them but the idea of changing them makes me want to sob.

Ds dad has stopped paying maintenance and the last time we saw him he stormed out and said he wasn’t visiting again. He will, but I can’t deal with his abuse so I’ve blocked his number, which makes me feel panicky as I am just delaying the inevitable.

I can’t breath. Even my bathroom has laundry on the floor and needs cleaning. I don’t know how to get myself out this room and back in to the house when it’s so filled with things I have to do and people I need to care for. I’m so utterly overwhelmed right now. I don’t know how to fix this.

Oh you lovely lot, I’m in tears again! Thank you all so much for your support and help and kind words.

I ordered new sheets last night and fell asleep - I usually get about 4 hours a night and had 8 last night which has helped massively as you can imagine. I’m going to strip the bed now so it’s at least half way there as I think that was what was making me saddest - putting Ds to bed in my manky tan sheets :(

The laundry is my biggest hurdle, I don’t even know what’s clean and what isn’t any more - so going to do a wash tonight by outfits like someone suggested (you are a genius!) and then google laundry services for the rest as a one off. I just need to get out of this hole we are in and I can maintain things, it’s the build up that’s over whelmed me. We are broke, which may mean it’s prohibitive, but even a launderette might be a good option at this point just so it’s all tackled in one go this one time.

I have to goto work now, but I’m feeling a bit better today now I sort of have a plan.

Thank you all so, so much though. Yesterday was HARD, and I feel bad telling friends as I feel like it’s an ongoing situation I just need to man up about. Thank you all

We all have bad days, it's completely normal so long as you get up the next morning and crack on. Asking for support doesn't make you weak. Have a good day today

Don't be afraid to ask for help either.
I've cleared out friends cupboards, helped them paint or had their kids over so they can have a break/actually get on with doing stuff.

We all struggle sometimes.

It might help to go through the unwashed clothes and be ruthless about what actually fits/decent condition/liked. And then chuck the unwanted into textile recycling.

Then go through house with a bin bag and get rid of rubbish.

It can be easier to do stuff by category rather than a room at a time. Even if it’s put all of something together in one place then sort it.

I’ve been there and it’s hard. One pile at a time!

I know u said he needs better. But. He tucked u into bed. That right there speaks volumes about your son. Volumes. You doing a good job I promise xxxx

Dontgiveamonkeys thank you, he is a little bugger at times, but lovely, and I am really proud of him

I’ve just got in and made up 2 bunches of flowers from the supermarket. It might be chaos, but my bedroom and living room are my targets to make things nice.

I just need to sort the laundry now, I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. I literally hate going in the utility right now. The cat litter needs changing too which I think is adding to my general hatred of the room. Poor cats!

Right, I’m going to set the alarm for 15 mins and see what I can get done. Anyone can do 15 mins, right......?! Gah!!!!

Laundry always always looks worse than it is. I can fold a load in about ten minutes but I hate doing it, then end up with about 3-4 loads and it can quickly overwhelm me.

Best thing to do is chuck enough on the bed to cover half of the bed. Then sort it by item into piles then fold each pile. Put your fav songs on and blitz it. It really won’t take long.

Oh op you sound just like me a few years back - house was a tip and it got me so down that I couldn't even begin to start anything - kids were fed and that was about it!

What changed things for me was to buy a cheap notebook and write down everything I wanted to do from the smallest thing like emptying the bathroom bin to larger things like decorating. It took pages and pages to write it out and a close friend told me it was a bad idea as it would overwhelm me even more seeing it in black and white!

Sorry hit post too soon....

What actually happens was I was able to pick and choose what chores or jobs I felt able to do and it gave me a huge sense of achievement to be able to cross things out as I went along and to look back over the course of a few days and see exactly what I have managed to do.

Slowly but surely the house came back together and I still use my notebooks today - everything gets written down in the evening and I pick and choose the next day. Some things stay on the list for months before they are done but hey it's not the end of the world.

The dc now check the book and do chores from it for their pocket money.

Just and idea but it's one which works for me

OP do Laundrapp work in your area? Its an app and they’ll come pick up laundry and deliver it back to you. Not cheap mind, but definitely would help you just get it all done!

I’m with a few other previous posters-I’m great at cleaning and organising and would love to help you out ( do it) if you’re in my area.

You do sound like you’re doing well on your own though. Flowers are a great idea.

I do love a list so will try that whojamaflip thank you - I’m glad you managed to get yourself out the hole too. It gives me hope!

I’ve just downloaded laundryapp but it’s not in my area. Arse! On the plus though, I’ve sorted the laundry into piles and done one solely of pants - I figured that was the urgent one and would be easiest to put away after too without adding to the piles of laundry doom on the landing.

I ordered new bedding off amazon yesterday and it’s just arrived so I’m going to go change the bed now, and then very swiftly get in it. I’m knackered!

I feel better for making a start and I’m so grateful to you all for cheering me on and telling me I wasn’t horrible for hiding from Ds. I have so, so, so far still to go, but it’s better, and that will do for today. I think my next shitty task is to unblock Ds dad. That’s maybe a job for tomorrow though!

Thank you by the way for everyone offering to come and help me sort - I’m genuinely touched, but I just couldn’t let someone do that for me. I’d feel the need to buy you flowers and repay the favour, and then I’d feel guilty and ashamed, and basically, I’d over think it massively and end up with another thread on here stressing about it. You are all bloody lovely though, and your kindness has made a huge difference to me

Good luck OP.
The first step is the hardest, but you've already taken a few.
You can do this!!

I'll help you clean for a pack of fags.

Good luck OP. You've had some great advice about the housework. For your son, you might like to try this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/When-Someone-Very-Serious-Illness/dp/0962050245/ref=pd_sbs_14_3/261-2512184-8676230?psc=1&pf_rd_p=7f9048ad-9bda-4493-8578-13e4eff8da65&_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_wg=ZXNCT&pf_rd_r=RH28FAK6MB7BB94RTD2W&pd_rd_i=0962050245&pd_rd_w=qSFZu&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&refRID=RH28FAK6MB7BB94RTD2W&pd_rd_r=f769bfd8-b66a-4460-9df2-6482f5c274d3

Sorry about the massive url! I often work with kids who are anxious and I really rate this talking and drawing approach. The worry book recommended upthread is great too.

Sounds like you had a really positive day

I would also have loved to help, I actually like cleaning and I especially love doing laundry.

Make a list, as people suggested. I don't know if it helps you but I sometimes like those clean along with me videos on YouTube. Also, break it down into parts so it seems manageable, whether that be by room or task. 15 minute timers are great as you can do a lot in a short burst. I also think one job at a time. I would put away laundry before doing more personally as otherwise it gets overwhelming.

But most of all just remember, this too will pass

OP, you sound different already :) One little step at a time and you can do this

Bollocks, I just wrote a long post and deleted it!

Basically I was saying thank you for anxiety book recommendations for Ds, I will go have a look at them now! He’s having help from school nurse and Maggies, as it was really bad around Easter time (that’s when he convinced himself he had caught cancer and was going to die ) Sadly over the next few months I think he’s going to need more input as my sister deteriorates. I don’t really know how best to handle it other than letting him sleep in my bed (and hiding in the loo talking to you lot when it all gets too much for me!)

Ps packet of fags in return for sorting my pit of a house out?! Deal!! I’ll even throw in chippie supper and a bottle of wine

again OP. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. No wonder you are so overwhelmed.

You’re doing brilliantly!
I have a 9yo with disabilities and severe anxiety who still co-sleeps and won’t leave me alone. Honestly 5 minutes in the bathroom to get away is good parenting, not bad, we all need space!
As for housework I find making lists and doing one bit at a time helps and worst case scenario go round and fill bin bags with everything then sort through one bag at a time.

I'm wi it on this, I am also a lone parent but I'm one of the lucky ones that has child maintenance now due to collect and pay service from CMS. Also their father has started seeing them for a few hours on a Sunday, not much but it's a breathing space. My house is also a tip but I console myself with the knowledge that it won't get worse and worse. I put on all machines once a day: washing machine, dishwasher, tumble drier. Some days kids have dressed themselves straight from the clean laundry basket, and that is fine.
I have given them jobs to do today, ranging from a bit of vacuuming, loading nd unloading dishwasher, tidying bedrooms and dusting. They've been quite happy doing it. If you can't do this, then can your do cope with going out for the day? Just something to provide a distraction from you? How does he cope at school?

To be honest I’d do it for a cuppa as I do like a good clean and tidy!

I like to put a load of washing on at night and hang in the morning, or put the machine on during the day and empty it once I’m in from work.

You sound like you’ve got a lot on your plate and you’re doing really well. Make the bathroom nice, as someone else said. It’s small and if you’re going to be having a bit of alone time in there it will help if it’s nice and clean and tidy!

Just a thought OP ..would it be worth getting a ‘sorting” laundry basket ? Something like this - rather than have to tackle a mountain in future you can sort it as you go www.argos.co.uk/product/1433975