I am so touched out, hiding in bathroom and want to cry.

[twirlypoo]

This is going to be a rant, im so sorry, my brain just won’t work any other way today.

I’m a lone parent to the most amazing 7yo. It’s always just been the 2 of us as his dad left when I was pregnant so we are incredibly close. He has massive anxiety at the moment though, and he is following me around telling me he loves me. He’s sleeping in my bed, he can’t be in another room. He’s just shouted through “hey” to check in still on the loo, and to be honest, he often joins me and sits on the stairs outside the door so I’m just grateful he’s not with me here. I’m trying desperately not to tell him to bugger off as he obviously needs this right now, but I’m so deep into this situation which isn’t normal that I don’t know how to fix it.

I’ve just went back to work full time and am running a self employed business too, and my house is a tip. I literally bought us new pants today because I have no clean ones and the idea of sorting the laundry made me want to cry. I have to decorate all downstairs as we have no wallpaper and the carpets are not salvageable. My bed sheets have fake tan on them but the idea of changing them makes me want to sob.

Ds dad has stopped paying maintenance and the last time we saw him he stormed out and said he wasn’t visiting again. He will, but I can’t deal with his abuse so I’ve blocked his number, which makes me feel panicky as I am just delaying the inevitable.

I can’t breath. Even my bathroom has laundry on the floor and needs cleaning. I don’t know how to get myself out this room and back in to the house when it’s so filled with things I have to do and people I need to care for. I’m so utterly overwhelmed right now. I don’t know how to fix this.

OP I agree, you sound amazing! So I would just go to bed tonight. Get some sleep. Maybe change the sheets if you have clean ones only as that might help you and DS relax a little more tonight.

Deal with all this tomorrow. You’ll feel amazing if you just do one or two things- empty the bins/ do some loads of laundry/ clean the bathroom. Then Thursday do 1 or 2 other things. By next week you’ll be well on your way but it won’t over whelm.

Op you and your son sound so bloody lovely and what a fantastic close relationship you have with him! As long as you have a roof over your heads and are eating and drinking that's all that really matters. I admit I get like this, I let the washing pile up. Then I just have a crazy washing day and get it all washed and dried in one, then it's a massive mountain that needs putting away. I hate that part because there are 5 of us and it's loads of different piles, but once it's done I feel so relieved! Maybe try and sort out the essentials tomorrow that need washing, get one load done and put away, take it bit by bit. Your carpet is knackered you say? Can you get a large rug? Or even a few small ones, just to freshen it up.

@twirlypoo buying new sheets is a genius idea. I've a cupboard full of sheets for that very reason. God I've really outed my slovenly ways on this thread!! I also just put everything in the spare room and close the door. Out of sight, out of mind and all that jazz.

Just a thought ..but if its holidays could your son go to bed a bit later or doze on the sofa so you have a bit more ‘me time’ to relax or get stuff done...He can definitely do picking up clothes / laundry bin etc - how about saying you’ll do 5 things each then watch a film together/ go for a walk / have an ice cream. Reward charts are for adults too !

If your walls are really bad buy some cheap polythene sheets, some rollers and cheap white paint and set yourself a Saturday task - slap the paint on even if it will be painted over or the walls are rough. It will look sooo much better (its what I did in my bathroom). Your son will love it - he can do the bottom of the walls , you do the top. Think of it as a ‘fresh start’ team building. Put your favourite music on and sing away ! It does t have to be perfect, just brighter and better and should only take a couple of hours. The effort will make the endorphins flow.

Bits at a time with housework. You’re doing brilliantly with DS, he sounds like a lovely and loving boy who just needs his mom, which is perfectly normal.
Forget any guilt about your house. It’s your mess, so what, just do little bits at a time and get DS to help out - my DS6 loves vacuuming (even though I redo it when he’s not looking hehe!) and he can organise the washing into dark and light and into piles.
If it’s raining there, perfect time to start. Plus, you may be feeling a bit of cabin fever, so go for a walk, even if it’s to the shop to buy milk.
This overwhelmed feeling is normal though, especially during school holidays.
Can you stay overnight at friends or family with DS - just for some different walls to look at.
Good luck and don’t be hard on yourself - you’re a super mom!

Things have overwhelmed you ( understandable)
It sounds like you feel it would be better if your house was more manageable.
Tomorrow do something for 10/15 minutes in the morning. No longer. Say your going to pick up the laundry in your bathroom, if you have a laundry basket, put it in there. Next clean the loo, basin and bath. Job done.
Later in the afternoon spend the same time on something else. Clear your coffee table or some other area of clutter. Another job done.
Do this for a few days and you will start to see a difference. You might decide to do a big wash, or a Hoover up, whatever you can manage, but start somewhere.
Big jobs are daunting, smaller ones , not so much.
Come back and tell us how your getting on.

Give yourself a break, you're doing a great job! Bollocks to the housework. When you feel up to it make a game out of it with DS "let's sort the washing into piles, who's quicker" "lets clean the bathroom" he sprays, you rinse or vise versa. Keep going, you are doing it, being a parent. Top tip; run out of pants, turn them inside out, you get two days wear!

Is there a launderette near you? Can you and ds fling everything in bin bags and take it there? Get it washed and dried for you? Getting all the clothes out of the way might make you feel better. You and ds can go for a coffee while it's getting washed.

I have 3 kids, my 7 yr old likes to be touching me all the time too. He's currently outside trampolining but he's been out 5 minutes so he'll be in soon for a hug.

Echoing those that say you're doing a bloody brilliantly job, it's just tough right now, you'll turn a corner and it will get better, it might be a right corner or a lazy curve but it will happen.

When I'm feeling like you I stick a timer on for 10 mins or 2 songs from the radio etc and use that time to buzz around and collect all dirty laundry into one place - then spend the day just doing load after load.

Or I might use my timer to run and strip beds/collect rubbish/ collect dirty dishes etc etc. Manageable chunks.

Oh wow no wonder you’re feeling stressed. I’m going to make a leftfield tidying suggestion. When I was really anxious sorting through individual objects was just too much but i really needed clear space so here’s what I did:

Put everything in a pile or basket. Seriously just chuck it in. Once all spaces are clear, wipe/hoover/clean as much as you can —be bothered— . Then walk round the house with the basket(s) putting things where they need to go.

It’s the opposite of ‘sorting out’. Also if you have a laundrette anywhere near you a service wash sounds like it would be money well spent-sling it all in your duvet cover and hand it over.

Hope you feel better tomorrow. You sound like a brilliant mum x

My housework tip is to set the alarm on your phone for 20 minutes. Or make a playlist of just 4 songs. Then stop, have a cuppa, glass of wine, KitKat, whatever.. Then when you've regrouped try for another 20 minutes

When you say your ex stormed out, was that from your house? I'd never tolerate my ex in my space.

Your son is 7, so getting to a very independent age when things will be easier. I know it wouldn't work for w weyone, but I used to sort on sofa in the evening watching TV with my youngest on my lap until she was fast asleep. Eventually I'd sleepwalk her into bed, she wouldn't really wake. We both found it comforting in a chaotic world. She's a very well-adjusted adult now.

Things really do ease out. As others have said, force the maintenance issue and keep ex out of your space

Re the cleaning. If you think you can afford a cleaner from Sept. could you possibly do the minimum until then, save a bit if you can, and make that first clean a deep clean?

It’d give you something to look forward to and make you feel loads better if that’s your thing and is within your budget.

Whatever you do, I just wanted to say you’re doing amazing xx

Life can be overwhelming sometimes. It does get better. Why not pick one room to keep chaos free. So if your living room is cluttered move the stuff anywhere else to be sorted when you can face it. Tidy that room so you and your DS have somewhere relaxing to sit which is your sanctuary. Just work on keeping that clean and tidy so you have a space that doesn’t depress you. Then a little bit at a time elsewhere. Yes to new sheets and anything else that makes life easier. Sending hugs xx

Oh love, I know how hard it is to be swamped by so many things that you can't see a way out. Especially when those things come with their own to do list of even more things.

1.cut yourself some slack

1. Start small, don't look at the house as a whole project but take it room by room. I find the bathroom the easiest, and it also stays neat/tidy the longest.

1. I know I'll get flamed for this but grab some bin bags,give some to your DS as well and anything broken,bits missing, unused for ages ...just chuck it away. I have friends with super cluttered houses because the thought of sorting everything into piles, putting some back,take to dump,take to charity shop,give away,sell etc is too daunting. You don't have to do a massive clear out, just put in things that catch your eye. Or put some music on/a film and do one room at a time.

1. If you haven't already, invest in good storage. Not only does it help to keep things tidy and organised,but I found when something new arrives I'm eager to organise and put things away in it. I'm sad i know.

1. Screw the sheets, it's fake tan not shit. In fact screw all the little things. They'll still be there when you're in a better place.

You sound like an amazing mum OP. I can imagine how you feel with the house clutter/general muck as I can get very overwhelmed with this sometimes too. You’ve had some really good advice on here already, but I’d just like to add that it could be a good idea to get your 7 yo to help you with different tidying/housework ‘challenges’ over the next week or so. If he really needs to be near you right now then he can be, helping you with some housework! If you make it fun with some music you both love in the background and some fun snacks, I bet you’d get loads done. Also, it’s not the same as what you’re experiencing but when my DD (who is younger than your DS) was going through a very intense period of separation anxiety I would try and make sure I gave her spontaneous hugs throughout the day, so that she didn’t feel like she was always the one begging to be laid next to me/on my knee etc. And finally I know it’s hard not too feel resentful of laying in bed at 7.30pm when he’s been following you around all day, but maybe you could try some breathing or relaxation exercises as you lie with him and hold his hand or snuggle in. One day he won’t want or need to sleep next to you. This hard, but temporary phase just shows what a wonderful mum you are and what a safe haven you are for him

Argh separation anxiety I call it "chewing gum"! You have my sympathy. But honestly he's maybe just picking up that your mood is a bit flat and doesn't understand why. You maybe won't peel him off you until he senses you're a bit happier.

Sod the housework and do anything that is fun together, go for a picnic, feed the ducks, splash in some puddles. I get that a messy house gets us down but if you have to do housework do it in small bits and enjoy the summer

Have you considered asking for some support for your son through school? I know it is the holidays now, but maybe next term?

How are you managing for child care over the summer?

Bag up your washing and book a laundry service to come and get it.
When my washing machine was broken I used laundrapp and it was amazing, my underwear came back in a box, everything was folded so nicely it was easy to put away. It isn't cheap but there are often first time discounts.

Just getting one thing done will make things less overwhelming and your kid can help, some chores will give them some pride.

I can't add anything else as you have had so many wonderful tips but I just wanted to say your son sounds like an absolute little treasure, you must do an amazing job with him! Try and get a good nights sleep tonight and take on board some of this wonderful advice tomorrow and yes, treat yourself to some new sheets you can do this!

Keep going OP. You've had some good tips on the laundry. As for the downstairs my dd enjoyed helping me paint when she was little and it's a quick job with the one coat paint and some rollers so you and ds might enjoy doing that. Im not sure what the flooring situation is but if its bare boards you could buy some large mats to get started and sort it out properly later on.
I think you should take lots of time out though to do relaxing fun things and rest.

When you get back on your feet cleaning wise I would recommend the organised mum method (Team TOMM). Its really good for keeping on top of things.

Also, buy new sheets and put them on your bed tomorrow. Do whatever you can, whatever DS can help with (organising washing by outfit is GENIUS). Put the clothes airer in the living room so you can hang washing while you watch tv etc.

At the end of all that, have a nice long shower and get into your fresh sheets. Chucking the old ones isn't particularly sustainable but as a one off I think you'll be forgiven.

I know how frustrating it is to have a velcro child but you are his safe space right now. Breathe in his scent, give over for a cuddle and go have a cuppa once he's fallen asleep.

Where are you OP, I’d like to help if I can, I’m a meticulous cleaner and would think nothing of lending a hand if I can just to help you get back on the straight and narrow xx

Ah OP, you and your son sound lovely, so sweet him tucking you in :) With regard to the house, I read a book once called 'Behind with the laundry and living off chocolate', sums me up really well. One of the ideas was using a timer, I think they said 5 minutes or maybe 10 per room and how you will be amazed at how much you can achieve - and it's true, even if it was a scrape everything onto a chair and hoover the floor to start with. Perhaps tomorrow your son could join you - 10 minutes a room together you could probably do loads - maybe a treat at the end?! You are obviously a lovely Mum prioritising your son when he needs you but I know how a messy house can get you down so hopefully if you can sort it you will feel much happier. Best of luck

Do you know what, op? When things have evened out, the abiding memory for both of you will be not that your house was a bit cluttered for a while, and things felt chaotic, but that you were strong and made your ds feel loved and safe, in spite of it all.