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Original poster

Baby Shower Gifts

26 replies

frami · 30/07/2019 17:48

I have been invited to a baby shower for the first time. My youngest is 18 and these things didn't exist when I had my children so I have no idea as to how they work. When I got the invite I was on holiday. Invite was via Facebook and I confess that I didn't read it that well, was just very happy to be invited. Said shower is taking place shortly, and re-reading invite I see that there is a gift list attached. I fully intended to take a gift but thought baby shower gifts were small items, tokens if you like and I would give a bigger gift when baby arrives. However, looking on the gift list link there is nothing under £30 and most are a lot more. Among the items listed a 2 different travel systems, a moses basket and another crib for later, a nappy disposing system. All the clothes are expensive designer items, no Primark baby vests here. All much more than I imagined paying (the Mum is not related to me) and it has been made clear that gifts are expected with instructions on how to deliver them! My question is. It this normal practice these days or is the hostess just being a CF? The event is costing me a lot already me: it's taking place in an expensive restaurant (each paying their own) plus train fares, not sure I can afford a big gift on top.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 30/07/2019 17:52

That’s not normal as far as I’m concerned and ridiculously cheeky! Gifts are normal but to give a list would make me decline the invite

Expressedways · 30/07/2019 17:57

Showers are becoming more popular but the registry is definitely not normal for the U.K.. It would be standard in the US but not the cost of the items; every registry I’ve seen has had cheap items e.g. pacifiers/dummies right up to the big stuff like the travel system. Unlike a lot of posters on here I quite like a baby shower but even I’d decline this invite.

Marlena1 · 30/07/2019 18:01

This is madness!! I always bring a small few things as you will end up buying something else when it's born. I think I would ignore the registry. You can always say you didn't see it if you feel awkward.

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RightMover · 30/07/2019 18:04

Eh?? Talk about grabby!!
How close are you to this person?

lancslass17 · 30/07/2019 18:08

Get something for mum like a nice shampoo conditioner (I'm still using mine) and get a baby present when baby comes. It should just be a token I think x

bakebakebake · 30/07/2019 18:13

The last baby shower i went to was for my cousin. Who i speak to on a daily basis. She is one of my best friends. I didn't take anything - i said i was waiting until baby was born.

It didn't feel right giving a gift when you never know what could go wrong in a pregnancy. (My mum's friend lost her baby at 38 weeks).

In your case, i would either decline or say you're going to get something once baby is here.

Minster2012 · 30/07/2019 18:13

I’ve been to a couple of baby showers, each I vaguely enjoyed despite having had conception problems myself. Neither had a gift list. Both I took a gift too, both were a small gift, in fact the same gift both were enjoyed. Both unisex. It was “the hungry caterpillar” book by Eric carle with a handwritten note inside saying something along the lines of “dear baby X, & mummy & daddy, this was my favourite book as a child & I hope you enjoy & cherish it as much as I did & it brings many years of joy”
For one family I was closer too I also got a matching hungry caterpillar cuddle towel off Amazon for an extra £8.

They aren’t going to be able to comment anything but nice things
Smile & enjoy & drink their Prosecco!

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 30/07/2019 18:21

Yuk! The whole 'baby shower' thing is simply to ghastly to contemplate, along with 'gender reveals' - how long before people start issuing invitations to 'conception gatherings'?

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 30/07/2019 18:22

...too ghastly

Original poster

frami · 30/07/2019 18:28

Marlena1 that's what I think I will do but she is quite volatile emotionally and is likely to overreact.

Rightmover we got to know each other through a shared interest.

OP posts:

stucknoue · 30/07/2019 18:29

Token Gifts are fine

Original poster

frami · 30/07/2019 18:31

bakebakebake
It didn't feel right giving a gift when you never know what could go wrong in a pregnancy. (My mum's friend lost her baby at 38 weeks).

I feel the same. I've known 4 people during my life who have had a still birth or lost a baby within a few days of them being born.

OP posts:

snowy0wl · 30/07/2019 18:33

Unless you are close friends with this person and have already financially invested in the event I would personally decline the invite. It sounds way too expensive!

Pipandmum · 30/07/2019 18:37

I’ve had people come to my wedding that didn’t get us a gift. I thought it odd (relatives and both well off) but I’m hardly going to call them out on it!
Just go - registry gifts are delivered over a period she won’t know that you didn’t get her anything. Do you think she’ll call you and ask why you didn’t buy off the registry? That would be rude in the extreme.
You can bring something or send something later or just when baby is born. A mini hamper of products for mum might be nice. But if you think the whole thing makes you feel awkward then don’t go and just give her a gift when baby is born.

Newmumma83 · 30/07/2019 18:38

A gift list is very cheeky! Gifts are a nice to have.

Though mine was at my mums house my nan and friends and mum baked for it ... and I had lots of lovely gifts £12 glow worm from Argos was a bloody godsend in the early days that my best friend got me.

Bibs are great and Muslins you need more than you will ever know but wow very cheeky ... anyway you can back out due to other plans get a wowcher deal for a afternoon tea With your friend?

X x

meditrina · 30/07/2019 18:51

That's OTT.

You are correct, 'showers-type gift' means inexpensive/useful

It's rather naff to have a list (usually the host would discreetly co-ordinate, so the honouree did not get 6 near-identical things and nothing else)

If you don't want to go to this party (or any party, come to that) for whatever reason, the just send polite regrets.

AhNowTed · 30/07/2019 19:02

I went to one last month.

I bought a unisex outfit and a cuddly toy.

I fully expected NOT to then buy another gift after the birth, which I haven't.

Seems to be the way now with these new fangled baby showers.. you gift before the birth rather than after.

mummywingingit · 30/07/2019 19:03

I've been to two baby showers, neither had gift lists, and invited to one with a lost. The list was small items, the most expensive was £30 which he sister out she would be getting.
To ask for large items like travel system, cot, basket is massively CF in my opinion!!! I would never ask my friends or family for such extravagant gifts!!!
I wouldn't go myself as I think it is plane rude...and to put you have to bring a gift? Just rude

Soola · 30/07/2019 19:39

It’s awful and incredibly naff of the woman to be lacking in good manners.

I wouldn’t go as I wouldn’t want to indulge this kind of crap but if was still friends with this person I would buy a gift of my choosing when the baby is born.

Minster2012 · 30/07/2019 19:45

Yeah def don’t get another gift, I didn’t & im good friends with both ppl, still am, no biggie. I thought it weird to get presents first. If you do then why not do a card with “gift to follow when baby arrives” as others have said, it would be ruder to call you out on it.

RancidOldHag · 30/07/2019 19:50

"It’s awful and incredibly naff of the woman to be lacking in good manners."

If you mean the pregnant woman, she might have behaved impeccably, and it all the naffness might have come from whoever is hosting this shower.

If she is hosting her own, it would be so very grabby that it's hard to countenance

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/07/2019 19:53

I'd be having a sudden illness that I didn't want the mum-to-be catch and staying at home. Why are some people so greedy? If you want to get a present by a book you babies loved and send that.

Original poster

frami · 30/07/2019 23:38

Rancidoldhag the pregnant lady is the host. I don't think she's so much grabby as naive, and is totally baby obsessed. I think it's a reaction to her violent DH leaving her.

To everyone who's suggested I make excuses and don't go. I feel she is fragile and will take it very badly so I've messaged her tonight saying that as an old wrinkly (I'm 57) I think it's tempting fate to buy before the birth so will bring a little something and a proper pressie later.

OP posts:

Cosentyx · 30/07/2019 23:45

Oh, please, do not capitulate to this! She is not fragile if she has as much neck as a fucking giraffe. So what if she 'takes it badly' if people don't do as she orders. What's she going to do, stamp her little feeties that people didn't indulge her grabby greed? Fuck that. Just give her a set of baby gros and don't fund her cheek.

Cosentyx · 30/07/2019 23:49

Personally I wouldn't go and just send a gift along after the baby arrives safely.

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