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Original poster

Life is shit.

37 replies

rollovers · 30/07/2019 00:12

I met up with an old school friend today. I've known her since we were in high school. She's lovely.

She moved to London when she met her partner who has a really good job. They have a big house in a leafy part of London which they've completely renovated. She is so so much more confident and has a job which I would so love to do. She goes on amazing holidays to South America/ New York/ Madives etc.

I, on the other hand still live in my shit home town in a small house in a shit area. Half of my house is exactly as it was from the previous owners - ive lived here 12 years but can't afford to change it..my partner doesn't have a high paying job. My marriage is going through a troubling time. I have a boring low paid minimum wage pt job. I haven't been abroad in ten years and even then it was a cheap Europe destination. I have severe low self esteem, self confidence and trauma related social anxiety which means I will never be able to do jobs which I would love to do.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Yes -sometimes but at other times it's a big smack on your face to remind you how so far left behind in life you are and how I'm lacking so much in myself.

OP posts:
Expressedways · 30/07/2019 00:23

Other people’s successes are not your failures. Repeat as often as is necessary.
And I guarantee that in no way is her life perfect, she’s just only telling you the good stuff.

Rachelover40 · 30/07/2019 00:24

Your life will change and so will your friend's. Who knows where either of you will be in a few years but she will certainly experience difficulties, everyone does.

I really hope things improve for you, rollovers, but in the meantime please don't let meeting your friend spoil what you have. You said, "Comparison is the thief of joy", and it certainly is! That's why I never do it.

You may not think you have much right now but you are probably well off in many ways. Try to think positively about the future.

Flowers
HappyLoneParentDay · 30/07/2019 00:50

I'm a disabled single mum to a 4yr old child with autism. I lost my beloved career and have no friends. I don't get ANY holidays abroad. No partner. Tiny house, no garden.

The way you feel about your friend is how I feel about your life....

That's life. It is shit

Missingstreetlife · 30/07/2019 00:52

You sound depressed. Try to go for a walk every day, get some air and exercise. Count your blessings, we could be in Syria or Palestine.
Life is tough sometimes but things can change. Make a list of small things you can do. Try to do one a week even if it tiny. Be well

bwydda · 30/07/2019 01:26

Comparison is the thief of joy. When I was at my lowest the best advice I was given is to enjoy living. Eating buttered toast. Feeling a breeze in a hot day. Laughing. Reading. Bubble baths. Life is hard. But it's also brilliant. Even without holidays and money and prestige. Money doesn't make you happy. It does give freedoms that poverty won't, and of course we'd all rather cry in a Ferrari than on a push bike- but the wishing for wealth only serves to make those without it feel worse. Enjoy living. Your life. And let your friend enjoy theirs.

Pickmeaholiday2019 · 30/07/2019 06:36

I've holidayed in some great places. I have a lovely home. Doesn't mean my life is great.

Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 30/07/2019 07:00

She would only tell u the good part. I know I would. So much more underneath I would imagine.

Original poster
rollovers · 30/07/2019 08:47

Yes she has one problem in her life at the moment but I truly hope and that that will be resolved soon. I have hope it will.

Honestly apart from this she has no other issues. She's very honest and open. There are lots of people in the world who are very very lucky / successful / have it all etc and don't have major issues in their lives. Little bumps etc yes but nothing huge.

OP posts:
Gemi33 · 30/07/2019 08:47

I completely understand how you feel OP. All my friends are in relationships with children and have lovely homes.

I'm single, in a rented flat and have probably now missed the chance to have children. I am also unhappy in my job but can't find anything else.

I know it's not a good idea to compare yourselves to others but it's really hard not to and sometimes I just feel like a complete failure. I hope that things improve for you soon but I know how hard it can be.

xx

Asta19 · 30/07/2019 09:46

I think we grow up thinking there's a sense of "fairness" or "balance" in the world. That if you are a good person then somehow you will get the life you deserve and vice versa. Or that we all face a somehow equal amount of challenges. Then one day you realise that isn't true. Some people do just sail through life while others struggle at every step. I've had some really shit times in my life, as well as some really good ones. So now I just try and ride out the shit and tell myself it won't always be that way. Like a pp I try and take pleasure from the small things when times are hard.

aintnothinbutagstring · 30/07/2019 10:43

It sounds like your friend has been lucky in life so far, good for her (and I sincerely mean that)... But surely you must socialise with people that have a more normal life, so to speak. You must know that the life you live is probably the more typical one in the UK, and millions have it a lot worse off than you and really struggle everyday.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/07/2019 10:48

Forget your friend and ask yourself what would make you happy? Is there a goal like moving somewhere else or some sort of work on the house that you could set yourself?

Pointlessness · 30/07/2019 10:52

Aintnothing Well, that's my life too, so yes the average lifestyle in the UK is shit. Not as first world as people would readily admit too.

PP who says at least you're not living in the middle East - that is completely hypothetical and unhelpful.

NuttyOrNice · 30/07/2019 10:53

💐 To everyone having a shitty time, especially HappyLonelyParentDay

Original poster
rollovers · 30/07/2019 10:54

Gemi33 thank you for understanding. Yes you can't help but compare. It's a shitty reminder. I'm not spending my days comparing my life to others but every now and again I cant help it.

OP posts:
Petitprince · 30/07/2019 10:57

Everyone has hard times and things in their life they'd change. Externally my life is great. I don't complain about anything when I see friends. But really we are desperate for another baby after our first ivf miracle and are having no luck. I'd swap money and outward success for a sibling for my daughter, but no-one would know that.

KeepFuckingOff · 30/07/2019 10:57

There are also people who would kill for what you have OP. There’s always someone worse off than ourselves.

OstrichRunning · 30/07/2019 10:58

From what you've said about your friend though op, her circumstances are actually very unusual. She sounds extremely privileged- like maybe in the top 5% people in terms of wealth. If it makes you feel any better, the vary majority of the human race don't come anywhere near those standards - big fancy house in London, fab holidays etc.

rubyroot · 30/07/2019 11:00

There's just no point. You really don't know what's going on underneath the surface. Concentrate on making yourself better as a person, not materialistic things. Enjoy the simple things in life. You are actually probably one of the richest people in the world if you own your own house in this country.

OstrichRunning · 30/07/2019 11:01

Also, lots of great things are free or very cheap. Good books, lovely parks, the occasional really nice coffee, etc. Don't mean to sound Pollyanna-ish but rather than life being shit, isn't it more that Lou Reed line - 'Life's good, but it's not fair at all'.

Original poster
rollovers · 30/07/2019 11:30

Asta19 that's exactly it. You do grow up thinking life is fair. You be a good person, you keep within the law, you work hard and try your best and you'll have a good life. But no, in life a lot is down to luck.

OP posts:
Dowser · 30/07/2019 11:46

I’ve holidayed in some fab places with a shit man.

Thankfully no more.

Pointlessness · 30/07/2019 11:54

I often think I should have tried to marry someone wealthy. My exh was poor from a low working class background, and I ended up being on the receiving end of disgusting DV. Even if wealthy, successful men abuse, I would have ended up with dc and in the same place probably, though possibly with more assets and CM.

I tried to be successful in my own right, unfortunately I was naive and got fucked over.

So yes, life is mainly down to luck, and mine is rotten.

I wish I could give more in terms of helping to fulfill their long term potential and prospects.

whingeygingy · 30/07/2019 11:54

Talking about books I was surprised to see a telephone box with free books in then found out there's hundreds of them🤣

Pointlessness · 30/07/2019 11:55

Give more to dc