Life is shit.

[rollovers]

I met up with an old school friend today. I've known her since we were in high school. She's lovely.

She moved to London when she met her partner who has a really good job. They have a big house in a leafy part of London which they've completely renovated. She is so so much more confident and has a job which I would so love to do. She goes on amazing holidays to South America/ New York/ Madives etc.

I, on the other hand still live in my shit home town in a small house in a shit area. Half of my house is exactly as it was from the previous owners - ive lived here 12 years but can't afford to change it..my partner doesn't have a high paying job. My marriage is going through a troubling time. I have a boring low paid minimum wage pt job. I haven't been abroad in ten years and even then it was a cheap Europe destination. I have severe low self esteem, self confidence and trauma related social anxiety which means I will never be able to do jobs which I would love to do.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Yes -sometimes but at other times it's a big smack on your face to remind you how so far left behind in life you are and how I'm lacking so much in myself.

Pointlessness yes I feel exactly the same about my DC. Because I have no money I can't even take them out of our shit town much to do things in the holidays- free things even. Just simple things like that. They've been asking me for years to join a football club but I can't.

Even though my post compares alot of monetary things it's actually my lack of self development which is the biggest sadness is my life. My shit start in life means I've developed chronic mental health issues. It's the main reason for all my failings in my life. For eg. Someone might say get a better paid job but I can not. Physically impossible.

It's depressing I'm constantly looking at ways to improve things for the long term, but there's nothing.

Like Dowser I’ve holidayed in some great places with partners who frankly made each trip difficult.
I’d rather be in the UK with my ds than in Tobago with my ex.

OP, do something to lift yourself during these school holidays, even if it’s only a couple of cans of emulsion and new lampshades for your room, or learning to cook an authentic Italian meal.

I have money, a big house and have travelled widely and have some very exotic holidays - might seem enviable from the outside.... (and I am grateful for these things) ,and yet I have been in a marriage which is merely 'okay' for the past 20 years (nice bloke but we are not soul mates) and I regret giving up my career to enable dh to fly with his. I am bored and dissatisfied - few would suspect this

So other people's lives may look wonderful from the outside - but you never know how things really are. I would like mine to be different and envy friends who seem to be in great relationships

rollovers - I think there will always be someone with a better house / holidays / cars / partner. From your posts, your friend sounds like a nice person so good for her if life is treating her well.

I think you need to concentrate on what will make YOU happy. Change of career? Decorating your home? Moving home? Saving up to go to a dream destination?! You seem to be plodding on every day. This is fine if you want to plod and you're happy doing that but sounds like you want more in life.

If you're unhappy with your job because it's low paid, can you re-train and change careers to earn more? I know it's a cliche but sometimes life is what you make it.

You are right though. Sometimes life is sh*t! There are many hours in a day, many days in a year. Life can't be full of roses and blue skies every day. Everyone has their own challenges and they're going through their own stuff. Just because your friends hasn't told you doesn't mean that she is going through something.

I have a nice house, great job, lovely husband and two beautiful children. My friends probably think I have it all together. None of them know that my confidence is very low right now because I haven't told them. I feel like I don't even recognise myself physically anymore after having 2 children. This is something I'm dealing with personally but nobody knows. My life looks great on the surface, but behind the surface there are cracks.

I wish you all the best please do something that makes you happy!

I feel for you and I also often compare my life to others.
To add to a different perspective. I have a great job, a big ish house and my dc go to good schools. We have also had some lovely holidays. The reality is that I have been suffering with trauma related anxiety and depression. My life looks perfect but I am so unwell (am a bit better thanks to therapy but still have a way to go). I feel like I look at my wonderful life through a window of pain and trauma and I feel guilty every day.
The reason I write that is because often someone’s perfect life may be very different to how it looks on them outside. My children to do have a lovely life and I know I’m very lucky, but when I think of what’s happened to me and how much it has broken me I also think life is shit.
I think lots of is envy others and it often stops us appreciating what we do have

Comparison is the thief of joy.
There’s always someone worse off than you.
Does anybody seriously believe these will actually help anyone.

Just a trite load of bollocks trotted out by smug fuckers.

I suppose you just have to do the best you can with the circumstances you have. If you were living your life at your possible best (as in it’s actually achievable), would look any different to how it looks now? How much of a stretch does it require?

Failing that, I like to bake scones and find some wildlife to watch.

At a basic level there wouldn't be that much difference between you though.

She has a house. You have a house. She has a job. You have a job. She has a husband. You have a husband. Etc etc.

Really how much does the minute detail have to matter? When I think of people richer and more successful than myself their days are essentially filled with the same sorts of things. Mealtimes, watching tv, reading, exercise, socialising. Yes, the house I sit in might be smaller but you can only sit in one room at a time, anyway. Yes, the wine I drink may be cheaper but it has the same effect. Yes, I don't do my exercise in a fancy gym but I prefer running outside, anyway.

You're not "behind" her, OP.

AmyFI when I say behind her, I mean as a person. She delivers training, runs workshops, etc etc as part of her job. I'd never be able to do that. I just can't and won't. She's a lovely person and I am genuinely happy for her. Over the decades I've known her, she's thrived and grown in confidence and I have been " left behind".