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Original poster

Should I text again, or just leave it?

75 replies

WithFireAndBlood · 29/07/2019 19:22

Hi all, I need some advice.
My friend text me earlier asking when I was free for drinks. I replied saying I’d have to wait until payday as I was skint then sent another saying “The downsides to being a grown up and having a big house and children”. She’s older than me (mid 30s) and still lives at home with her parents, with no children.
I 100% did not mean it as a dig as her and the only reason I said “big house” was because we recently moved into a bigger house and bills are much higher than before, therefore going out for drinks were less likely to happen.
She didn’t immediately reply which is unlike her so I reread it and realised I sounded like a total dickhead so sent another text saying I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, I was just moaning about the daily grind when I still felt young at heart. Still no reply so I know she’s annoyed at me.
I suffer terribly from anxiety and this has just been playing on my mind and I don’t know what to do. DH said not to send another message and just let it mellow but I feel so rotten about it and just want to send another saying sorry.
WWYD?

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 29/07/2019 19:54

I’d probably text “I’m so sorry, I’m a twat. Hope you forgive your twatty friend for being a twat!”

hiddeneverythin · 29/07/2019 19:56

In going to go against the grain and say that I think you should text her. Say something along the lines that you are cringing and you wish you could unsend the message because it wasnt meant in the way it came across. Tell her the first drink is on you come okay day as an apology. If she's a friend she will believe you and you can both mice on.

She also might not have replied because she's busy doing something just now?

Original poster
WithFireAndBlood · 29/07/2019 19:57

MrsElijah that’s the kinda way we would normally text each other so if I do text her it will be something along those lines, possibly that exactly.

I didn’t actually apologise in the follow up message, just said this -
I just realised how that might have sounded but I didn’t mean it that way! Just bemoaning the daily grind when I’m still a 17 year old at heart

Which is why I kind of want to send another to properly apologise

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 29/07/2019 19:59

Go for it-if I received that it would at least make me smile

neweeeyebrows · 29/07/2019 20:01

How long have you been friends? If she knows you well I’m sure she’ll know you didn’t mean to be a twat.

Send Elijah’s text, or give her a ring and say you realised what a twat you sounded after you’d sent the text.

namechangeninjaevervigilant · 29/07/2019 20:01

I can see why your friend is so upset. I’d leave it until tomorrow to let her cool down and the send the twatty friend text.

CalmFizz · 29/07/2019 20:02

I think I’d sleep on any texts you might want to send.

Eastie77 · 29/07/2019 20:02

Unless you've got past form for making this kind of comment I doubt she's taken it as badly as you think. It may have a stung a bit - or perhaps not so much if she's happy living with her parents and not having children. Despite what you read on MN that is possible. I have a friend in her early thirties who is entirely content with that exact scenario. Not my cup of tea but horses for courses and all that.

Either way, if you're good friends I'm sure it will be ok. It would be an extreme over reaction if she ended a friendship over a throwaway comment you've apologised for.

usersouthcoast · 29/07/2019 20:02

Oh OP! I'm not even sure your follow up message was any better to be honest... "still 17 at heart", are you suggesting she's behaving like a 17yr old!?
I know FULL WELL you don't mean it to come across like this, so please don't be offended, but I think you need to really know how this sounds!

I think the twat message is honestly the best message you can send - tomorrow, with a bottle of wine on her doorstep. And get that date back to her too, fine to wait until payday, but you know when that is, so plan for it!

captainprincess · 29/07/2019 20:04

I would definitely send another text basically saying what you have said here. You clearly didn't mean it the way it sounded (in fact you sound like a lovely person as it's bothering you this much) and apologise along the lines of the 'I'm a twat' message.
She is probably just having a bit of a pity party and took it a bit personally.
Hope you get it sorted.

Pachonga · 29/07/2019 20:04

Sorry but I think your follow-up message has made things worse

Original poster
WithFireAndBlood · 29/07/2019 20:04

I’m so sorry, I’m such a twat. I hope you can forgive me for being such a thoughtless twat, I didn’t realise how twatty I sounded until after the message sent and wished I could unsend if. You know I didn’t mean it the way it came across. X

Thoughts?

OP posts:
winterisstillcoming · 29/07/2019 20:04

Give it a while, and if no reply, send her some flowers with a sincere apology. If she knows you well enough, she will know that you have behaved out of character and forgive you. We all mess up, and our true friends love us despite our occasional, very human lapses in judgment.

usersouthcoast · 29/07/2019 20:05

I think the last message is fine. Phew!!! 😉

Now leave it there xx

winterisstillcoming · 29/07/2019 20:05

I like that OP. Send it. Or send it on some flowers.

Miniloso · 29/07/2019 20:10

Send the text. It’s good. It’s not the end of the world what you originally said... although it wasn’t very kind. I think it will be ok.

Original poster
WithFireAndBlood · 29/07/2019 20:13

Ok I’m going to send it, with “let’s get drinks the day after August payday if that suits”. Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Missthayes · 29/07/2019 23:14

Personally I would call, text and emails are so easily read out of context. Just say I reread it and thought it sounded awful and you were just fed up of being skint

GoldenRule · 29/07/2019 23:22

yea, I agree that you should call rather than text - leave it a couple of days though.

You hit a nerve there. I would be upset also if I was your friend. People are sensitive about hitting 'milestones' and you took her down with one sentence.

Pricedrop · 29/07/2019 23:31

In that situation, I would send flowers or chocolates or make a cake, or take her out for a really nice lunch or SOMETHING

Lilikemaho · 29/07/2019 23:35

For goodness sake she is a grown up cant she just accept the message and know her friend didn't mean to be nasty or is she the type of person who you have to watch every word you say ,can't be doing with people like that

Lilikemaho · 29/07/2019 23:39

And I certainly wouldn't apologise just let her get on with it you done nothing wrong except let her know your position she on the other hand can probably afford to go out whenever it suits her

Missingstreetlife · 29/07/2019 23:50

That message is fine, or you could invite her round for coffee, that's cheap? It will blow over, at least she's got an offer of drinks and a date to look forward to

Missingstreetlife · 29/07/2019 23:51

Shut up with the flowers and paying for lunch ffs

tinyvulture · 29/07/2019 23:55

Your follow-up text sounds great. X

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