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Original poster

Do you spend a lot of time with your mother-in-law

50 replies

PapaStinky · 28/07/2019 20:17

Just wondering what's the norm. Father-in-law passed away some years back. We took mother-in-law under our wing and pre kids she used to come on holidays with us etc. Fast forward to present day with 2 kids and the holidays are not enjoyable anymore so tend to have her over most weeks for dinner and drinks. She never used to stay over but has now started to then hanging around the next day and I feel I can't get on and do anything as have to make small talk.

For those in a similar situation how much time do you spend together?

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 28/07/2019 20:23

No. Can manage a day and after that it's painful.

Am looking at taking a job which would mean staying away from home during the week - it's commutable from MIL's house and I suggested to DH I could stay at her's.

DH raised an eyebrow and said "but you would kill her" and am now booking an AirBnB instead Blush

Nice woman but even DH can't manage more than 2 days every 3 months.

underneaththeash · 28/07/2019 20:47

We struggle too. We take MIL away every couple of years for a long weekend. This one has just ended and it was very tedious...we have no idea if she even enjoyed it as we get nothing back.

I can manage 1 trip every 2 years, and then she visits for 3 days every 3 months ;she lives several hundred miles away.

I think it is difficult, my previous MIL was lovely and I enjoyed her company, but I have absolutely nothing in common with current MIL and wouldn’t be someone I would chose to spend time with.

70sCarpet · 28/07/2019 20:51

My mil has passed now but we spent every Wednesday evening with her & all day every Saturday. This happened no-matter-what. In our house there was no greater crime than not visiting mil. Honestly, I could've shagged the postman & my dh would've cared less than not seeing his mum. It drove me to distraction because the lions share of putting up with her inane conversations fell to me.

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crosser62 · 28/07/2019 20:56

Well she died but before she did we tried to invite her places, round for meals out for meals and we did take her and fil on holiday with us.

I felt sorry for her. She had a difficult life with fil.
I was of the opinion that she fitted in with us which she did. She wasn’t a guest she was family, one of us so this made me very relaxed around her.
She was a nice lady.
I’m really really glad that we included her as much as we did because I know that we improved her quality of life by 80%.
She died having experienced things she never would have had it not been for us.

HearTheThunderRoar · 28/07/2019 21:00

My late DH did not get with his mother at all - such a control freak so he up sticks when he was 19 and moved to the other end of the country, where he met me so never moved back. I agree with him, I wouldnt call her an awful woman but yup very controlling who says things that are really rude, she offended DD the odd time, she guilt tripped us into having a church wedding too (extremely religious - we were atheists).

I felt pretty bad but we never visited whilst DD was growing up but DH didn't want to visit them (MIL had openly said that DH was a disappointment because he didn't come go to uni and we only had the on child)), they came and stayed every couple years.

We finally visited after my DH died when DD was about 14. That was 6 years ago, wouldn't say it was terrible but never again, everything about the woman gets on my nerves, no consultation with us about anything. Thankfully these days it only extends to a phone call at Christmas, DD is an adult and can decide if she wants to see her father's family, but she keeps her distance too.

FIL died back in the 80s when he was quite young, although MIL remarried her husband 20yrs ago he is the most irritating man ever, just won't shut up

mindutopia · 28/07/2019 21:03

Dear god, no. I see her about a day every 3 months. That’s plenty! We’d all lose our minds if we had to holiday together. We had about 2 years when we were NC at all.

Threedaysaweek2019 · 28/07/2019 21:06

Nope. Twice a year is just about do-able.

CeCeLS22 · 28/07/2019 21:08

My MIL and FIL emigrated abroad a few years ago and now only come back to the UK a couple of times a year.

When they do they see us maybe once or twice during their visit and only for a few hours at most.

I think I’m one of the lucky ones!

shadowloveragain · 28/07/2019 21:09

No even though I do like her. I see her every couple of weeks, my partner mainly takes the kids to hers.

53rdWay · 28/07/2019 21:15

Yes, 1-2 days a week. We get on fine though. I don’t feel like I’m entertaining a guest when she’s round.

Floopily · 28/07/2019 21:21

I've only met mine maybe 6 times and I've been married 9 years! That said I only see my own mother once or twice a year.

IggyAce · 28/07/2019 21:27

My dh was brought up by his grandmother so I saw her as my mil (NC with his mother, her choice). Before she died I would take her shopping every Tuesday with dc2 and we would have breakfast out her treat. Dc2 when he started school missed breakfast with Nannie, she still took them during the holidays. Since she passed we always have a breakfast out in the holidays in memory of her.
When we only had dc1 we took her on holiday, which was ok but her snoring was horrific so we didn’t repeat that. We would have her round for Sunday lunch at least once a month and took her out for the day several times a year.

rottiemum88 · 28/07/2019 21:29

Love my MIL! We didn't see her very often before DS (6 months) was born, but now she calls round most weekends. She's very unobtrusive and respectful of the way we want to do things with DS, which I really appreciate, and never offers advice or opinions unless we ask for them. Unfortunately the same can't be said for FIL who we consequently see less often!

theseriousmoonlight · 28/07/2019 21:33

I live 1 mile from my DP's mum and we see her a lot. In fact, we are all going on holiday later this week. She's brilliant with DD, kind, thoughtful and supportive. I know I'm very lucky as my own DM is also brilliant.

HairyToity · 28/07/2019 21:40

Mine is nice enough, if a little judgemental. I'm no good at housework. In fact her DS does most of it. She taught him well.

She looks after the children before and after school one day a week. She also has them one day in the holidays.

When it comes to doing stuff with her, she has 3 daughters. DH is the only son. The daughters do stuff with her all the time, and so she never seems to have time to join us for days out or holidays.

This suits me.

HairyToity · 28/07/2019 21:42

One day a week through the holidays. She might do more but she has 5 other grand children.

Pinkkahori · 28/07/2019 21:47

I do. She is a lovely women and we do have some interests in common although we are polar opposites in many ways.
She occasionally drives me mad but for the most part we help each other out and she is very kind to her grandchildren.
My other mother is problematic and it's been great to have a dependable mother figure in my life.

Andromeida59 · 28/07/2019 22:30

Anytime spent with her is too long. She's a nightmare, makes constant digs, lies, is a gossip and generally morbid and awful.

We used to be quite close. Can't stand her now.

SpeedyShutter · 28/07/2019 22:44

Not on my own, no. We go & see her every couple of months and we go for days out with her a few times a year. Probably about the same amount of time we see my mum.

Lardlizard · 28/07/2019 23:03

No I wouldn’t do that
If it’s stopped being enjoyable something’s wrong
What do you thjnk has changed

latedecember1963 · 29/07/2019 06:38

I've been very lucky to have a wonderful MiL who has been more of a parent to me than my own mother has ever been.
DH and I call to see her for a quick visit most Sundays and I usually check on her on my way home from work mid week.
She's been on lots of holidays with us and is good fun to be with.
We have different opinions about lots of things but just agree to differ. Life's too short to sweat the small stuff. I hope I can be as good a MiL to my sons' future partners.

limesoda · 29/07/2019 06:50

Mine lives about 10 minutes away, so we see her quite a bit. PIL live in an apartment, so MIL borrows our dog a couple of times a week for a walk, which is fab. I work from home, and we have coffee or whatever after.

We are very different people, and her concern about intruding is strange to me, but we do get on very well and I like her company. Definitely not a guest I feel I have to make much effort with.

PleaseGoogleIt · 29/07/2019 06:51

We see her pretty much every weekend, not so much for an entire day/night but for a good few hours. She has DD for us a lot too.

MeadowHay · 29/07/2019 07:10

Never. As she went NC with us after DD was born a year ago so DH decided to respond in kind (had been something he had been thinking about anyway). She has since texted him twice I think over the last few months but he has decided to continue being NC. I personally haven't seen or talked to her for a few years as they were sort of LC before that anyway so odd phone contact etc was with DH and he saw her a few times without me when I was at work or with my family. Shame, but she's really not a nice woman. Her other son and DIL are LC with her too.

MeadowHay · 29/07/2019 07:12

Also I should say related to my post but DH is v close to my mum. We live a few mins walk from my DPs and DM has DD one day a week whilst I'm at work. We see her at least once a week therefore, frequently more. DPs take us on holiday now and then etc. DM has taken DH under her wing in light of the fact that he has no relationship with either of us his parents (both at their initiation).