Responses to the "when are babies coming" question??

[OliveRose]

I've posted on here already about TTC age 40 but this is more of a general Chat question. Does anyone have a good generic remark to offer whenever people ask if babies are on the horizon / are we planning on having children / any sign of baby bump yet etc??

This ranges from colleagues, friends, acquaintances and the MIL (who's not that close with me or DH so we wouldn't feel to comfortable sharing our conception progress with). I was inundated with this question at a recent wedding where I bumped into a lot of friends in my 'outer' circle. I would never ask anyone this question and I am staggered how many people do!

As I'm 40 there's the obvious pressure and I just don't know how to respond whenever anyone asks. I don't feel comfortable divulging that we have been TTC for 6 months, or saying that we are not daft, we're aware of the time pressure and we've both had fertility assessments- as frankly it's none if anyone else's business!

I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to feel like I have to open up about my private life. Does anyone have any diplomatic stock responses I can have up my sleeve?

Thanks! X

I would stop worrying about being rude to rude people. Tell them you would rather not talk about it and change the subject.

"That's a very personal question" (hard stare)

‘Well thanks for asking and if it happens you’ll be one of the first to know’ then move the conversation to something else.
I’m single I’m always being asked about my love life and I’m sick to death of it too. I want to say ‘none of your damn business’ but instead give a breezy smile and say ‘nothing happening and I’m fine with that’.

“That’s none of your business.”

Yes actually I would go with @AnneLovesGilbert if they’ve asked once too many times!

“That’s a very personal question....but seeing as though we are going there, why don’t you tell me all about your sex life too?”

It’s a fucking ridiculous question, and I can’t understand why people think it’s ok to ask! (DH and I experience the opposite dickhead questions like “haven’t you two got a tv?!” and “have you figured out what causes it yet?” ha-fucking-ha, you’re hilarious )

Get this all the time. Or rather, "are you not thinking about having kids yet then".
Why... Yes, we are thinking about it. Thank you very much. And have been thinking about it over the last 2.5 years. But sadly infertility is far more common than you think. And also far more common are insensitive remarks. So you can all just bugger off.
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest

"well we have ordered them but apparently it takes a while so who knows?" followed by " where did you get yours from and how long did they take to arrive?" would be my response.

Yeah I know, I feel your pain everyone who's experiencing this. @TinyBarista and sorry you're going through that.

I know I could respond with "none of your business" I don't want to be too rude though, especially to MIL??

Even though I KNOW they are bloody rude to ask!!!

If you want a funny/sarcastic reply, my dp favoured this one and will probably use it again when the inevitable "when's number 2 coming" starts getting asked:
"didn't you hear baby's r us closed down, where else can I get one"

I really do like @AnneLovesGilbert answer too

"I don't like to discuss my sex life publically"
This question is so annoying and heartbreaking for some. and once you have one it becomes "so, thinking of another one?" my reply to this is "Well, considering I nearly jumped off a bridge after having this one, no, I can think of nothing worse than another one"

"What a rude question."

Ugh I hated this question. Can you believe somebody asked it at my wedding reception barely an hour after the I dos?

Usually I gave the answer of oh it’ll happen when it happens. No way was I telling near strangers all about my struggle to conceive.

I got told to say it hasn't happened for us yet. X

Just tell them you’re not having children. There’s nothing more for them to say.
And then if/when children come along just tell people you changed your mind. Again, nothing they can say.

oh it’ll happen when it happens

Only potential problem with this is "...have you tried?" Cue a load of unhelpful old bollocks of "my friend's cousin's neighbour was trying for ages and they took a holiday/started yoga/cut out broccoli* and 9 months later..."

*no connection between broccoli and conception as far as I know

Yes precisely @AnneLovesGilbert. That's my worry- I don't want to leave any room for further questioning. I want my clever response to render the other person unable to respond!

It's unbelievable how people think we're so stupid that we haven't thought about this. Eg one wedding guest who I'd never met and was a distant cousin of DH said "if you want advice on IVF just let me know". I found that a bit presumptuous straight after our marriage, and from a stranger, even if it was kindly meant.

MIL, who we are not particularly close to keeps repeatedly asking "any news on grandchildren"?

The pressure!! It's frightening enough for us to think we might have lost the chance to be parents because we happened to meet later in life, without fending off questions left right and centre. Why don't people just think before they speak??!!!

Maybe they'll turn up when Amazon get off their backsides and decide to deliver the box when I'm actually in the house."

Or some such stupid answer for a stupid question.

Or, "Oooooo, are you so interested in our sex life you want to know when we are having unprotected sex so you can work out if we will have a baby 9 months later?"

Oh gosh, that's personal and sensitive!
We're not planning on any, they are smelly and a financial drain.
We're thinking about it, it's a big decision.
Are you planning any/anymore?
I prefer dogs tbh.

I had my kids in my 40s and it was always asked of me,when, how many, are you having another, aren't you worried about your age, and even now (I'm 46 ffs) I get asked when are you having another??!!

Sometimes I just look at the questioners kids and say "I'm fine for now, thanks". Seems to cut the conversation pretty quickly. People don't seem to like a personal remark back. Although I do like the hard stare response!

“When Amazon pull their finger out. Bloody couriers...”

@oliverose thankfully we're not getting any grandchildren pressure yet, think all parents may have picked up on some delay, so are being absolute angels and not saying anything. Must be so hard.

I just say we are enjoying having disposable time and money a little too much to want to give both up, but are thinking about buying another show jumper... That tends to kill the question stone dead.

@Pipandmum has a great polite response:
“Well thanks for asking and if it happens you’ll be one of the first to know.”

I hate this. I had to justify why I wasn’t pregnant with a second whilst going through 3 consecutive miscarriages. ‘Do you think you’ll have another one? Better get a move on otherwise you’ll have a big age gap.’