Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Do you think that if you’ve never had a relationship by 30, marriage and kids is unachievable?!

60 replies

FedUpOfVienna · 28/07/2019 09:58

I was at a wedding yesterday and it’s really knocked me for six.

I’m turning thirty in December and I’ve never had a relationship. I had a big wobble at 27 when it seemed like everyone was getting engaged/ married/ settled down and tried OLD. I went on a few dates but I never wanted to meet the same man twice.

I don’t know how it’s happened. I’m a normal person but dating has just totally passed me by. I sat at that wedding yesterday and realised that all my friends have met someone that they think they can spend a lifetime with while I’ve never managed to kiss anyone. How am I ever supposed to catch up?!

OP posts:

GaryWilmottsTeeth · 29/07/2019 15:31

When I met DH (randomly at a function, not OLD) we were both 32, and he was a virgin who had never kissed anyone. I really respected the fact that he was totally honest with me about it, never tried to pretend to be someone he wasn't. If you meet a decent bloke, I'm sure they would feel the same way. I certainly didn't think less of DH because I was his first relationship, I felt quite honoured really. 9 years later, very happily married with 2 kids.

AriadneCrete · 29/07/2019 18:12

I feel your wedding pain. They can be really lonely when you’re on your own!

I don’t have any advice because I’m in a similar position, made even worse by coming from a culture where I’m practically over the hill and should be married with at least 2 children by now.

runningpink · 17/08/2019 14:36

I saved this thread then forgot about it until now.
Having read through I am also in the same boat.
I want a relationship more than anything but at the same time it also scares me the most.

I think I was so anxious, low self-esteem, and as someone posted I was the shy/sensible one and definitely felt the pressure as felt anything I done, (flirt, kiss etc) would be made into a big deal which o couldn’t handle.

I believe I have formed a massive barrier when it comes to guys, I guess as a safety net so I wouldn’t get hurt. I genuinely believed I was too ugly, not a nice person no one would ever be interested.
I am slowly coming round to the idea that these things aren’t true.

And I have realised all I have done is make myself utterly miserable and lonely.

I have been seriously considering making an appointment with a counsellor to chat through things. Would anyone recommend this?

runningpink · 18/08/2019 07:38

VivaLeBeaver · 18/08/2019 07:51

@runningpink. I don’t think seeing a counsellor would do any harm. Sounds like a good idea to have someone who you can talk stuff through with and may be able to make some suggestions/help you find different ways of looking at things. Go for it.

vdbfamily · 18/08/2019 08:05

DH is my only ever relationship. We were both 33 and met online. We married within 18 months and had 3 kids in 4 years who are now all teenagers. Personally I would not advocate having casual sex just to get it out of the way. Wait to meet someone and wait until you know he is a keeper. My DH and I have also never had sex with anyone else and actually that feels quite special. No comparisons, no baggage. We learnt what each like. All the best and by the way, I had total wedding fatigue a couple of years before I met him.

Gemi33 · 18/08/2019 09:58

NameChange84 your post bought tears to my eyes because I feel like you may be the first person I've encountered in a similar position to me. I'm 36 and would love a relationship and children and feel so sad that it is probably too late. I have had a relationship but it was a long time ago. It feels like relationships are so easy for everyone else but not for me. I thing low self esteem and lack of confidence is part of it. OLD scares me and I would tell someone that hasn't even turned 30 yet that you are so lucky, you have so much time, don't do what I did and let time pass too fast and regret it, do something now.

runningpink · 18/08/2019 18:47

Thank you.

I have decided to take the plunge and have emailed a counsellor to see if I can get an appointment.

It’s nice to see I’m not alone, that has made all the difference

jackparlabane · 18/08/2019 19:02

I'm from a large extended family - none of my male cousins have got married below 30, mostly nearer 40, and half the women have taken as long (not to mention the women who married young then divorced). It's more common than you'd think - various friends have only got their first partners around 30.

And really, try not to worry about sex - everyone is different so someone who's had many partners is no likely to be good with you than ever someone who's a virgin (some of the best sex I've ever had was when I got seduced by a 29yo male friend wanting to lose his virginity...)

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 18/08/2019 19:23

My brother had never had a relationship at 30, he's now fairly settled and living with his GF.

I don't quite meet your criteria, but I'd only had one proper relationship before the age of 30, for 2 years. i then had a massive drought until age 33 when I met DP. I thought I'd never find anyone as I was crap at relationships but I seem to have done ok, we've been together 10 years now.

Flip

1 2 3