Should we get a divorce

[Mrsbels]

My husband and I have been struggling for the last 3.5 years since our son was born. My husband didn’t want children (neglected to mention that until after I’d fallen pregnant, and yes, our son was planned), he pulled away from me throughout my pregnancy and after my son was born I almost drove myself to breaking point trying to be a good mum, keep the house perfect and tidy for my husband, and trying to give him enough attention so he didn’t feel pushed aside but it wasn’t enough, we continued to drift apart and after a while I stopped making the effort and just focused on my son because, as I said, it was pushing me to breaking point. My husband and I rarely spend anytime together just the two of us and whenever we do it seems to always end up in us bickering.
I do moan at him a lot, mainly because he doesn’t do anything around the house or help out with our son. He works full time, I work part time, 3 days a week, do all the house work and all the childcare. He also will go out and do things with friends at a moments notice regardless of if we have hinges planned. Family life always comes second anything else he wants to do.
I’ve tried talking to my husband and explaining what upsets me and I’ve asked him countless times what he wants and what’s making him unhappy but he always just says nothings wrong, he’s fine. I’ve asked him if we can try counselling jointly or individually and he refuses.
I recently found out I’m pregnant again (total accident, we went to Greece for 10 days and I forgot to pack my pills. I hold my hands up and take full responsibility but I most certainly didnt plan it or do it on purpose) my husband has hit the roof, says if I don’t get rid of it then he’ll leave, he’ll stop all contact with our son and he will never acknowledge the baby as his. He also said that he’d leave me in as bad a financial situation as possible. Not sure if he’s saying all this because he’s angry or whether he actually means it, I’m really concerned that it’s the latter. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t get rid of this baby, but I don’t want to rip my sons life apart by causing my marriage to end. I don’t know what to do.

Divorce!

Yes x

Oh dear. Sending a hug. If you want to have the baby, you must have it. It is you that would have to live with any decision to terminate and not him. Tbh, it sounds like you would be better off without him anyway. And so would your dc , rather than being with a useless Dad who never wanted them.

He sounds awful OP. Divorce him.

Yes, divorce him.
He doesn't love you or your son half as much as he should. You can and will be much happier without him and so will your children.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I can imagine this is a difficult time but it took the both of you to make that baby! If he was completely against a second child he should have ensured that he was protected or abstained from sex until you could get home and get back on your pills!
Contraception is not solely one parties responsibility!
Only you know whether you would benefit from divorce, or if you can (and want too) work through this. I hope you find the answers you're looking for and you and your DC deserve the best

God I'd get the hell away from this man baby or no baby.

Divorce. It is going to happen sooner or later anyway and it doesn't sound like you are happy at all. Your son will adapt just fine and the younger he is, the faster that he will adapt. I am so sorry that he has put you in this position.

Yes, you should definitely leave him, but you need to be a bit savvy first. Make sure you have photocopies of all bank statements, investments and anything else you may need.

Also squirrel away some money (i’d open a bank account of your own). Make sure you’re not in a position to be financially abused.

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Basically you’re making a lovely home for him to come home to and raising your son with minimal input from him.

If you have another child he knows you aren’t going to be able to keep him in the style he’s accustomed to as you’ll be busy with the baby!

Tell him to fuck of. You, your child and your precious unborn baby are all the family you need and he is a deadbeat father and husband.

Divorce.
If he didn't want the risk of pregnancy then why didn't he get the snip or use condoms. Although along with everything you do he probably thinks it your responsibility.
You will have 2 lovely children, he will have nothing

Yes,divorce him,,he is not falling into line and doing as he is told/being a passenger in your life. I think you should both have an honest talk and the likely outcome could well be separation.

Did you tell your husband you'd forgotten to pack your pills? Did you plan to conceive? Did you discuss the possibility of pregnancy with him?

He sounds so far beyond vile. You'll have a much happier life without him. Lawyer up!

Yes your better off without him. You got what you wanted so kick him out?

I was wondering the same thing YouWho.

Yes divorce. As a pp said, get copies of all bank statements, birth certificates and important documents.

He can try and make your life difficult financially but a judge won’t let him, nor will the CSA.

Baby or no baby, I’d divorce him

You would be better off without this selfish, bad tempered, unreasonable, cold, unloving man.
If you divorced you would be sparing your son and baby [congratulations btw] from an uninterested, emotionally distant 'father' who resents them being in his life and who would damage their childhood, confidence and self esteem.
Although he was well up for the process of conception of course.

Divorce.

For goodness sake divorce him. he isn't engaged in your family life anyway. You are just a maid to him.

The marriage is already over.

Divorce and live your life !

Do you want your DS to grow up thinking that this is how women, and his future wife, should be treated?

If you don't have the baby and stay with your H you will resent him for the rest of your life which will turn in to a deep hate.

You know you need to leave. Both you and your DS will be so much happier when you do. One day you will find a man that lives and respects you and that is who you want as a role model for your DS.

He sounds awful. Not loving at all. Leave him.

A child’s life is never ripped apart by losing out on a relationship with a parent who values them so little.

I had a dad like that. My mum did her absolute best to protect me from him ( that included getting divorced and making sure his contact with me was as little as he threatened it would be). Because of her I had a very happy childhood.

If you want your baby, then have your baby. But offload this controlling loser.

The marriage sounds over to me too Op. Did your husband know you had forgotten your pills ?

Did he know you didn't have your pill with you? Plus I'm pretty sure they sell condoms in Greece!

I don't really understand why you stayed with him after the shitty way he behaved during your first pregnancy and I REALLY don't understand why given his reaction to fatherhood you didn't get back to working full time ASAP - assuming you were before pregnancy?

At this point all you can do is divorce, decide whether or not YOU want to continue this pregnancy - but do so from a realistic perspective of whether you could cope as a single mum of 2 - and pursue him for cm via cms.

Not an ideal situation at all but quite honestly the irresponsibility lies with you both.