Should we get a divorce

[Mrsbels]

My husband and I have been struggling for the last 3.5 years since our son was born. My husband didn’t want children (neglected to mention that until after I’d fallen pregnant, and yes, our son was planned), he pulled away from me throughout my pregnancy and after my son was born I almost drove myself to breaking point trying to be a good mum, keep the house perfect and tidy for my husband, and trying to give him enough attention so he didn’t feel pushed aside but it wasn’t enough, we continued to drift apart and after a while I stopped making the effort and just focused on my son because, as I said, it was pushing me to breaking point. My husband and I rarely spend anytime together just the two of us and whenever we do it seems to always end up in us bickering.
I do moan at him a lot, mainly because he doesn’t do anything around the house or help out with our son. He works full time, I work part time, 3 days a week, do all the house work and all the childcare. He also will go out and do things with friends at a moments notice regardless of if we have hinges planned. Family life always comes second anything else he wants to do.
I’ve tried talking to my husband and explaining what upsets me and I’ve asked him countless times what he wants and what’s making him unhappy but he always just says nothings wrong, he’s fine. I’ve asked him if we can try counselling jointly or individually and he refuses.
I recently found out I’m pregnant again (total accident, we went to Greece for 10 days and I forgot to pack my pills. I hold my hands up and take full responsibility but I most certainly didnt plan it or do it on purpose) my husband has hit the roof, says if I don’t get rid of it then he’ll leave, he’ll stop all contact with our son and he will never acknowledge the baby as his. He also said that he’d leave me in as bad a financial situation as possible. Not sure if he’s saying all this because he’s angry or whether he actually means it, I’m really concerned that it’s the latter. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t get rid of this baby, but I don’t want to rip my sons life apart by causing my marriage to end. I don’t know what to do.

Don’t not leave because of something he may or may not do ( with your son).
Leave on the basis that his behaviour is unlikely to make you happy long term.
Which it would seem not.
Don’t second guess the future. He could have a heart attack or be run over tomorrow. You wantt the baby - keep it. His decisions aren’t your responsibility.

Graphista, yes he knew I didn’t have it with me, he said we’d just be careful, but obviously not careful enough though.
I didn’t go back working full time as my job involves me leaving the house at 5.30am and not getting home until 7pm, that’s not practical full time with a child, as I said in my previous post he doesn’t help out with our son, it’s all up to me to drop my son off at child care and collect.

He said we'd just be careful

What does this mean? Did you use condoms? If you just used the withdrawal "method" then neither of you should be surprised you are having a baby.

I'm not trying to excuse his behaviour, but if you forgot your pill and didn't use condoms scrupulously then you can't call this a surprise pregnancy.

Does it really matter now WhoNever?

I'm guessing it was said in an argument, but the kind of man who wanted to leave and not have any contact with the child they have already known for 3 years is an absolute anathema to me. I can't imagine you want him to stay. If he is true to his word, then he's making the situation very clear cut.

Let him leave - sounds like it would be a relief!

I'd agree with one of the previous posters in that your marriage is already over, however how you choose to proceed is totally up to you.
You need to have proper grown up conversation with him. You're in a situation ref pregnancy that you are both responsible for.
Personally I'd look for the most stress free way of progressing to protect your pregnancy and then go full force when you're back on your feet after baby arrives.

Well you're both responsible/irresponsible for not using condoms and you need to give serious consideration as to whether it's sensible to continue this pregnancy.

Wrt working full time you didn't have to return to the same job you could have worked full time elsewhere, though quite honestly with 2 of you I don't see why your working full time with the father seeing to mornings and suitable childcare couldn't even have been considered.

I'm a single mum and have worked full time when dd was very young necessitating long days (leaving home 6.30am home around 7pm) sometimes you just have to get on with it.

Yes I know it's harder to find work now but from sounds of things you have recent experience and probably good refs?

Certainly at this point I would recommend you look at going back full time ASAP.

Yes your husband is a shitty husband and father which didn't become apparent until after you were planned pregnant with first, my ex was good while we were together but as soon as we split turned into a deadbeat piece of shit.

Unfortunately it happens!

You have to now work out how you want to handle the hand you've been dealt, and not by relying on him for anything.

So sit down and work out where you would stand financially & practically in the event of a split and make your decisions based on that.