Why do women do this?

[jennymanara]

I have met two women in the last few weeks who both said when they met their DP, he was homeless. In both cases the men had been thrown out by their exes and were sofa surfing with friends. Within a few weeks of meeting these men, both women had let him move in with them.

These are both intelligent women and not very young. I am gobsmacked that anyone would think it is a good idea to let a man they barely know move in with them. So please help me understand why an intelligent woman who is not a naive young woman, would act this way?

Because they wanted to? Does it matter?

They are compassionate (or naive.) It's not something I would do.

I dont think it's just women.

Plenty of men move women in at the drop of a hat too.

I met dp when he was staying g with his sister after his marriage broke down. I dont judge him for that. Most people cant move out of a martial home and just get a new place.

However, I was also buying my own place. Not a chance he was moving in with me. He got his own place and has been in there a couple of years.

For me it was important that he showed he could be an independent adult

I’ve never known anyone who has done that I have witnessed plenty of relationships where the woman has organised her partners life for them though (and Men do the same obviously) taking care of their finances booking holidays decorating the house- basically making all decisions whilst he comes along for the ride. Maybe these type of women are attracted to the sofa surfers so they can rescue them

It’s often natural that when a marriage breaks down, the husband has to move out and the wife stays in the marital home with the children. It’s often too expensive to keep 2 houses.

It’s not ideal and often happens with people later on in thier lives.

Two ways of looking st it -

The women like the controlling aspect of it. “Look how great a person I am for saving your ass and don’t you ever forget it.”

Or

The women are very caring, perhaps naive but big hearted. “Oh you poor darling, let me rescue you and take care of you”.

Or something else that’s not really any of your business or mine.

I dont think it's just women

Plenty of men move women in at the drop of a hat too

I agree, nearly every case I know of like this, were DH’s friends moving homeless women in within weeks.

There’s a name for these types of guys: hobosexuals. Look it up on google and you’ll find many funny/sad tales of woe from women letting these guys into their lives. Especially the dirty hippie types. shudder

Well I don't know any women who have done this. I do, however, know a man who has.

Your title asks why 'women' do it. Men do it too.

A couple funny articles about it:

madamenoire.com/1077370/the-411-on-hobosexuals-men-who-have-sex-with-women-just-to-find-a-place-to-live/

torontosun.com/life/sex-files/are-you-dating-a-hobosexual-6-ways-to-spot-one/amp

But basically these dudes are scroungers and the women who fall for it are probably in a funky place at the time.

It's just more of a case of 'people do it'

I think they like being rescuer and some of them do it because they like a position of control over partners and its a good way of doing it. And lots of other reasons.

Sometimes the person moving in is a piss taking Walker. Sometimes they are quite vulnerable

Theres no one reason people do it.

Thanks have googled that.
One seems to be a functional alcoholic who goes from one low paid job to another. The other seems to struggle to hold down any job.
Yes both the women are very compassionate types, so that probably does have something to do with it.

My mum did this with my dad - he was living on a friend’s sofa and she let him move in with her after about 10 days. They are still together 40 years later.

I do agree tho OP I wouldn’t do it and think it’s mad.

I don't know anyone who has done this.

Desperation

This is quite an unusual situation.

Do you think it’s common?

I think it’s more simple than that- if you’ve got your own place and someone you’re seeing is homeless, it’s very difficult to say no. I suspect both men and women agree/offer because they don’t want to be mean.

Someone I know has done this at the material and emotional expense of her kids. I can not comprehend it and I’m certainly judging!

I’ve done this myself! DH and I met on my first night at uni. The accommodation office had cocked up, and DH was sleeping on a friend’s floor.
He moved into my room on the (all female) corridor of my hall of residence three days later. The other girls liked him being there for protection against prowlers or aggressive boyfriends.
He lived (illegally!) in that single room with me for two years before we got our first flat together, later marrying. We had a total of 16 wonderful years together, and two DC before his sadly early death at 36.
Sometimes you just love someone. You find your soulmate. And it works.

I don't know anyone who has ever done this or who is ever likely to do this. It's nothing to do with compassion. As for calling him a 'hobosexual' - utterly ridiculous.

Like someone said, because they want to?
It's not something I'd do with anyone I didn't know, but people are different. Some would.

@Babdoc

Thank you for sharing that. Bitter sweet

Because they have shit self confidence and are so desperate for a partner they have zero standards.

The term "desperate" was invented to cover just this sort of situation.

These women are desperate. For a man. Any man. MAAAAAAAN. 🤤

It's sad and the women almost inevitably get shafted. Unfortunately they often have children from previous relationships who are also harmed in the hungry search for Any Old Man.

This was my mum and her last husband, a vile, abusive piece of shit.

They were married 8 years, much of which he was out of work and taking it out on her. By the time she was in the hospice he’d already found someone else.

He walked away with a flat mortgage free, £20k cash and rent from another flat for the rest of his life (tying him to us for however long he lives). Last time I saw him he was driving a convertible.

These women really need to be careful.