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Original poster

My fiancé has a 3 month old son with his ex and I'm 3 months pregnant

116 replies

Bhengu02 · 24/07/2019 03:24

I've been having such a difficult time trying to be ok with this crazy phase in my life.

I met my fiancé almost two years ago, we started off as friends, we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him, he had told her he didn't want the baby and they both planned to go terminate but she suddenly vanished when she learned that he's moved on with me. So he thought she decided to go through it on her own but she didn't, her aunt called his mom letting her know about the situation and made it seem like I'm the reason he didn't want her and the unborn child...anyway that's when the chaos began. I was ready to give up our relationship and let him focus on his child and this woman who seemed very certain to get him back but he didn't want that he begged me to stay and face this together. It was the hardest thing to deal with even now still because she appears and disappears and it messed me up. We still had time to move on with our lives...things got more serious between us and now we engaged, three months back she gave birth and things were tense between him and I. I wanted to give him space so that he can enjoy the joys of being a father because he's always wanted that. But he didn't want that. Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me) but things are way more difficult for me, because he still has to focus on his son and currently I feel like our relationship is under alot of strain because we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely, he doesn't seem to see how serious this is for me.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Madlove · 24/07/2019 07:36

So there are three of you? Well it’s a mess and I think you are very young to cope with it. Why oh why would you ‘plan’ a baby with him?

stucknoue · 24/07/2019 07:39

Based on past behaviour, what makes you think he will stick around? Do you want to be a single parent? If you are ok with that go ahead and I really hope it does work out but a man who moves on so quickly between relationships is not likely to be around long in my experience

MsTSwift · 24/07/2019 07:39

I would be devastated that my life was such a sordid mess. I would terminate and be sad but move on. I would consider myself dumped by the “fiancée”. Are you all under 20? Adults behaving like this is deeply depressing. Is lover boy financially supporting his numerous progeny or do us tax payers have that pleasure?

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namechangeninjaevervigilant · 24/07/2019 07:41

One thing that’s clear from all this is he that he is an irresponsible man who will be an irresponsible father. I would urge you to rethink having a child with him.

bionicnemonic · 24/07/2019 07:41

OP, based on your username I’m going to assume you were born in 02, probably making you 17. My mum married at 17, had my brother at 18. But she’d known my dad for years, they were already married and they had support of family.
Please really just sit and think about your position. I know it would be nice if this person was there for your happy ever after, but try to imagine the other ‘what if’s’. If you’re lucky enough to have family or teachers around you to talk with then draw on their support. I’m not saying he won’t step up, but it doesn’t look great and you need a clear head

SeaEagle21 · 24/07/2019 07:41

Just a tip - stop calling him your "fiancee" . The word means " we are going to get married", and sorry but I'd bet a lot of money on this relationship lasting about 5 more minutes now that you are pregnant.

SweetJasmine17 · 24/07/2019 07:43

Is this actually a joke? God, this can't be real.

He doesn't want his other child. What makes you think he wants you and your one?

bmbonanza · 24/07/2019 07:45

This is a bit of a mess but you cannot go back. I would be planning how I would cope as a single parent.

I have been a teenage mum, and have been pregnant within a year of the relationship starting so it is workable but it can be hard.
Good luck!

Divgirl2 · 24/07/2019 07:46

OP is 17 judging by the 02 at the end of her username.

What a mess.

Patroclus · 24/07/2019 07:54

Is he one of those weirdos who seems to get a thill out of getting young girls pregnant?

EffYouSeeKaye · 24/07/2019 07:54

Just in case this is a real situation - If I were you I would be in need of a close trusted older relative to confide in or at least a good friend (older again preferably- more life experience) to support and advise me as I worked on getting myself out of this mess.

Whether or not you decide to keep this baby is a huge decision and potentially ties you in some way to him for the rest of your life. Again, you need real life advice and support here.

Either way, it’s time to grow up I’m afraid, because this is a massive mess.

leckford · 24/07/2019 07:59

Have you got somewhere to live, have you got a job so you can afford to keep yourself and child? You will never be able to get any money out of this ‘financee’ or professional child producer

CustardDonuts · 24/07/2019 08:13

.

TuesdaySunshine · 24/07/2019 08:25

he clarified things with her

This phrase is so euphemistic as to sound quite sinister. I presume he told her to fuck off and I'm guessing he'll be 'clarifying things' with you soon too. Honestly, I think I would be considering a termination too, particularly if you're young. And buy some condoms after that. His dick appointments sound more like conference calls.

viques · 24/07/2019 08:34

he actually didn't use protection with her

I think we'd worked that one out actually.

What you have is a man who has had three serious relationships in just over two years, two of which have resulted in pregnancies. How the original girlfriend managed to escape unscathed we will never know. But think ahead a bit, how many more babies is he going to deposit in say the next ten years? Even if you stay together, not advised, then I bet my bottom dollar there will be more babies, lots of them.

I don't know what you want to do about your pregnancy, but if you go ahead with it be prepared for no emotional, financial or practical support from your one man sperm donor clinic.

BurnedToast · 24/07/2019 08:45

I think some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Picking at the OP's literacy skills, making assumptions about her family history, suggesting she should be on the Jeremy Kyle show whilst also accusing her of being immature and naive. The OP has not once risen to the insults which I think says alot about her.

If the OP is as young as you think then please remember this could be your daughter one day. She's a young girl asking for help and doesn't need to be insulted and patronised in order for you to do that.

Back to the OP. You either prepare yourself to be a single parent or terminate. This man is an arse, but you won't be the first one to be caught by one of those. Personally, I would terminate and get rid of this 'man' for good otherwise you have a lifetime of ties with him. But only you can make that choice. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Nameynamechangeforthis · 24/07/2019 08:52

100 percent agree with BurnedToast and was posting to say much the same thing - What a horrible thread.

I hope you are OK OP, it sounds like a pretty miserable place to be. Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to?

Madlove · 24/07/2019 08:55

Do you have support from your family op?

bigvig · 24/07/2019 09:10

Hi Bengu I'm sorry for you. You sound lonely and scared. What a lot of horrible posts you've had in response to your call for advice. Unfortunately I do agree with the majority of posts. He sounds like a waste of time. That said if you are happy with him then try to make things work by being really clear about what you want, i.e I want to see you on these nights, when the baby is here I want you to contribute a certain amount of money, take responsibility for some night feeds or other clear requests. If he won't do the things you ask and you become unhappy then leave him as it will only get worse. Definitely don't have any more children with this man if he can't/won't help you. I hope you get what you want out of this situation.

Orchardgreen · 24/07/2019 09:13

According to a previous thread of yours, OP, from November 2018, you already have a child. Please think carefully about making your life even more complicated now.

S1naidSucks · 24/07/2019 09:14

I’m sorry you’re going through such a horrible time, OP. Many of the comments on here have been very harsh and I wish people would knock of the Jeremy Kyle comments. This appears to be a very young woman looking for help and most of us are old enough to be her mother or at least older sister.

I’m sorry OP, but he sounds very much like a young man I used to work with. That sod had SEVEN children to seven different women, by the time he was mid 20s and blamed the women. Please look after yourself and decide if you’re really ready to have a baby by yourself. There are so many things you could do with your life, before settling down. Even if it’s just taking up a hobby or class, in order to meet other young people. If you are 17 and don’t have family support, don’t let your life be decided by this horrible young man.

MrsxRocky · 24/07/2019 09:24

A woman is pregnant got 9 months. Baby is 3 months old. So a year ago they were shagging.
How can you have been together for near 2 years lol

MarthasGinYard · 24/07/2019 09:25

Feel sorry for any products of these 'dick appointments'

Two 'Dick appointment' dc on the way, let's hope he's got a good job to support them all.

G R I M

notmuchmoretogive · 24/07/2019 09:35

Not the most supportive thread.

I don't think your fiancé has learnt how to commit or have decent, respectful relationships. I would leave him.

Whether you keep your baby or not is your choice but you need to work out whether you can do this alone and support yourself and your baby. Is this what you want?

Suebnm · 24/07/2019 09:45

He isn't your fiance as he will never marry you.

You're dating him at best. I'm not sure you're in the UK as you use Americanisms although that might just be immaturity and too much social media but please whatever you do don't put him on the birth certificate.