My fiancé has a 3 month old son with his ex and I'm 3 months pregnant

[Bhengu02]

I've been having such a difficult time trying to be ok with this crazy phase in my life.

I met my fiancé almost two years ago, we started off as friends, we were both in relationships and ended up breaking up with our ex's, a year later we both started our own thing and were ready to start our lives together, just about 2 months into it his ex (rebound) announced her pregnancy by him, he had told her he didn't want the baby and they both planned to go terminate but she suddenly vanished when she learned that he's moved on with me. So he thought she decided to go through it on her own but she didn't, her aunt called his mom letting her know about the situation and made it seem like I'm the reason he didn't want her and the unborn child...anyway that's when the chaos began. I was ready to give up our relationship and let him focus on his child and this woman who seemed very certain to get him back but he didn't want that he begged me to stay and face this together. It was the hardest thing to deal with even now still because she appears and disappears and it messed me up. We still had time to move on with our lives...things got more serious between us and now we engaged, three months back she gave birth and things were tense between him and I. I wanted to give him space so that he can enjoy the joys of being a father because he's always wanted that. But he didn't want that. Now I'm pregnant (he's always wanted that with me) but things are way more difficult for me, because he still has to focus on his son and currently I feel like our relationship is under alot of strain because we hardly see each other and I've been going in and out of hospitals due to feeling sick, depressed and lonely, he doesn't seem to see how serious this is for me.

What do I do?

[Iwantacookie]

Op I feel for you.
Ds2 dad is this type. I was 10 years older than you when he swept me off my feet.
He promised me the world and left me when ds2 was 2.
He's promised to world to another 3 women and ds2 has siblings he's never met.

You've either got to be prepared to be a single parent or consider a termination.

[Lizzielocket]

When did Chat turn as nasty as AIBU? Really, some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Women, often confused young women come here asking for advice and have their literacy skills slated. What a bunch of nasty snobs.
Op, your posts are perfectly clear for those who have got literacy skills.
It’s a sad situation you are in and my heart goes out to you. You’ve got some tough choices to make, if I was in your shoes I would end this relationship before he could hurt me anymore. He’s not a responsible man. He won’t be there for you. Do you have anybody in real life to talk to?
Also I would try posting on Netmums with this as the women there are generally kinder and you will get some sound advice.

[Lizzielocket]

Jeez, op is not much more than a child. I can’t believe some of these replies. If you have nothing constructive to say to op then don’t reply.

[OurChristmasMiracle]

OP it sounds like the relationship moved very fast very quickly. In less than a year you are engaged and pregnant. For me that would be a massive red flag. It’s happening too quickly.

What’s he like as a father? Does he play an active role in his sons life? See him regularly? Financially provide for him?

I got married young after a 15 month relationship and honestly it really did not end well.

[LittleKitty1985]

OP - How old is your first child? Is this really what you want to teach them about relationships?

[Schuyler]

One day your unborn child will be an adult. If your son impregnated his “dick appointment” and then a year later, was engaged to another woman who was now also pregnant - how would you feel about your son’s behaviour? If your daughter were in your shoes, what would you advise her?

In my opinion, it sounds like he’s not a worthy man and you can do better. This has moved too fast. You and the baby are the priority. Will this man really prioritise you? Somehow I don’t think so but you need to make up your own mind.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

If you have a child already, put their needs first. Their life isn’t going to be bettered by some idiot man wandering in and out of it as he pleases and leaving another mouth to feed as he does so. Your life isn’t going to be bettered by it. You sound young: do you really want your life to be a quagmire of other women and their children? Terminate this pregnancy, get yourself some decent therapy to work out why you set your standards so low and get on with living a productive life.

[RubbingHimSourly]

My crystal ball tells me you're around 18 yrs old?? 🧐

Either ways, babies aside I suggest you get down to the GUM clinic and get tested.

In the meantime stop having unprotected sex with people, you're worth more than sitting on some dodgy knob. You don't know where it's been.

The pregnancy is still quite early days, nows the time to really think about what you're doing. If you choose to carry on with it then prepare for the fact you'll be alone. Don't expect anything from him.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Oh gawd
Why did you get pregnant so quickly?

[MamaOfBothTeams]

I remember your post from before, don't you have a child already to. I think you should all stop having children until you know where your relationships are going

[Pinktinker]

Argh, this is a messy situation. The daughter of one my Mother’s friends was in a similar scenario a couple of years ago. Basically she split with her boyfriend, her boyfriend went on and got someone else pregnant, she found out about this so purposely stopped taking contraception and asked him to come back to her... Result was this guy had two women pregnant at the same time, two children born three months apart. Horrible. Now my Mother tells me she is constantly trying her best to block his contact with his other child.

If I were you I’d strongly consider terminating. This woman and his child are not going anywhere, they are permanent fixtures in his life. If you have this child you need to realise your child already will have a half sibling and you may eventually have to be a step parent. Is that really what you want?

[Bananalanacake]

Don't let him move in with you.

[ElizaPancakes]

I’m sorry I agree with others, he sounds like a complete deadbeat. I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the mess this already is because it’ll only get harder. What about when he goes awol when your child is 4 and waiting at the front door for him to turn up? When they have something important to tell him and he’s not arsed? I think you need to be forward thinking about this relationship and this baby.

[BlondeLikeBoJo]

The OP sounds very young. I don’t think she deserves the roasting she is getting here.

OP, this guy doesn’t sound like a good man. Do you have other support in your real life? If you are going to have this baby you need to think about who is going to be there for you when it is born. You need good, reliable people around you. This man’s track record suggests he isn’t either of those things.

[Soola]

It’s not a roasting. If she’s young and isn’t heeding it doesn’t have the advice of a mother then we are telling her what she needs to hear.




P.S My previous post said attached when it meant detached.

[Soola]

Heeding or

[MamaOfBothTeams]

I think you have to be prepared to be a single mum of 2 children, I wouldn't trust him

[BlueSkiesLies]

The OP sounds very young. I don’t think she deserves the roasting she is getting here

Being 'young' isn't an excuse for popping out children with every casual shag is it? It is irresponsible and isn't setting either the OP or her child(ren) up for the best life possible.

[LolaSmiles]

OP you seem young and very immature.

I don't think it needs saying more that he seems to jump from woman/girl to woman/girl having unprotected sex and does a disappearing act.

You need to look at your situation in the cold light of day and not pay any attention to his empty words (e.g. when he says he always wanted to have a baby with you after a couple of months he's full of shit and hoping to make you feel like you've won against his ex).

Option 1 - You continue the pregnancy, have the baby, prepare to be a single mum at best and at worst a single mum with a dad who pops up now and then.

Option 2 - End the pregnancy and cut him out.

Whatever you choose, you need to raise your bar and develop a belief that you are worth more than whatever lines the next fella spins you. If you don't I'm worried you'll drift from man to man (who probably had a line of children behind him) who'll spin you all the lines about being denied access to their children whilst playing dad to yours.

[BenWillbondsPants]

OP I'm going to assume you're very young.

Do throw your life away on this prick.

You need to decide what's best for your own future because to be honest, he's not going to be in it long term is he. You can't honestly think he will. I'm sorry you find yourself in a shit situation like this.

[BrokenWing]

OP as others have said you sound very young and a lot of there posts do sound harsh and cruel, but unfortunately for you every single on of them are true and you need to accept this.

You need to assume this "man" will fuck you about, will mess up your life, cannot be trusted or relied upon in any way and make your decisions based on that.

[isabellerossignol]

Also I would try posting on Netmums with this as the women there are generally kinder and you will get some sound advice

This has to be a joke surely? There's nothing kind about telling the OP that it's all ok and you know what men are like etc. The situation is a mess and the OP needs to take responsibility and make some difficult choices if she is to have a better future.

[WhentheRabbitsWentWild]

I think some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Picking at the OP's literacy skills, making assumptions about her family history, suggesting she should be on the Jeremy Kyle show whilst also accusing her of being immature and naive. The OP has not once risen to the insults which I think says alot about her.

This

[theworldistoosmall]

The op might not be young. I've met woman in their 30's in similar situations.

Honestly, I would dump in, get a termination, get tested and get some counselling to work on self-esteem.

The thing with these 'players' is they are all about the talk. An instant red flag he always wanted a child with you. It's how they pull you in and think of them as partner material. To enforce this he asked you to marry him.

It sounds like he was fucking you both at the same time, and chances are there will be more that you don't know about. There are probably more children as well that you don't know about.

I'm sorry to say he really doesn't care about you. You were just a fuck in a very long line of fucks. If he cared he would be showing up at the hospital. I've been in and out over the past year and even ex casual hookups were constantly in touch and coming to see me to make sure I was ok. Offering their support when I've been at home on bedrest etc. This is what I would expect as the father of my child, never mind my fiance.

Future relationship. Ensure you are taking precaution and no condom well he can go fuck himself elsewhere. Take things slow and hold off introducing them to your home for a long time. You have to put your current child first and it's really not fair on them to have a string of men in and out of their lives. If your child is a girl - do you want her growing up thinking that she is simply there to be used by guys. If a boy - do you want him to go around producing loads of kids with loads of different females?

[PepsiLola]

Is he definitely the dad of child 1? Has there been a dna test?