What's the done thing? Divorce

[MumApr18]

After a divorce, is it normal to change your name back to your maiden name, or not?

Most people I know don't but I am. Mainly because I'm having a baby with my new partner and it just feels wrong to have it called Baby Married Name.

It depends how you define ‘normal’. In my experience it often comes down to whether you have children and whether you want to have the same surname as them. I went back to my maiden name because I couldn’t stand my married name and hated the idea that I would still have that connection to XH. DD still has his surname and I use it only when absolutely necessary.

Yeah @tisonlymeagain, that's a really good point. Most people would be the opposite I guess - kids with the, now, ex and wouldn't want to change their name and a have a different one to their kids.

I still have my married name 8 years later as it's my children's name.
I may change it when they are grown up but not till then

I wonder about if, all your joint kids were woman, and got married and took their husbands' names? I guess there could be a case for changing it then.

Not asking for any personal reason btw. It's happening to a loose connection of mine and my mind just wandered.

I'm keeping my married name as it's the same as my children's. I also like it a lot more than my maiden name. If I decide to change it, I'm going to choose a new one.

I kept my married name as a) it was my professional name and b) it pissed him off that I had kept it

I kept my married name because it was how I had been known for over 45 years. It was my identity now and in my mind had nothing to do with my pia ex.

My mum didn't. It had been her name for nearly 20 years and she was known by it professionally.

@wincarnis: love it!

Interesting! What about if your ex got remarried? Would you be happy being the "old" Mrs X knowing there was a newer model?

Yep @MumApr18 it has been a consideration but actually I had my kids before I got married so we had different names for 5 years anyhow, maybe that's why I'm okay with that!

Mainly because I'm having a baby with my new partner and it just feels wrong to have it called Baby Married Name.

It annoyed me that the hospital (we had an extended stay) referred to our child as Baby XH-Name just because I hadn't reverted to a maiden name following divorce. We registered our son as Baby DP-Name, and I then changed my surname by deed poll to match..

Oh and also DP and I intend to get married in the future and I'll become new Mrs X and his ex wife isn't changing her name. That bothers me more about being the new edition but then I respect her right to keep her name the same as their kids.

@mumapr: no it wouldn't bother me as I don't see my identity as being tied to him any more. It's who I am after 45 years

I went back to maiden name. Kids kept dad's name.

@tisonlymeagain totally makes sense!

Seems like it's a completely personal thing. Can you legally still be "Mrs" after a divorce? I'm guessing titles don't have a legal status?

Lol oops @tisonlymeagain - sorry tagged you in another similar MN post when I was doing some reading!

Haha @MumApr18

You can carry on using Mrs if you like

You can call yourself whatever you like - Mrs Miss Ms. If I were starting over I'd not take a man's name and my kids would have whatever last name was mine.

I kept my married name as its my childrens names and I quite like it. Too much hassle to change it anyway. I still get on with my ex so doesnt bother me.

That's such a good idea @NomDeQwerty! Social constructs still put so much pressure on women don't they?

I personally am not married, have a DP and a kid - can't be bothered with the big wedding malarkey so was just thinking about changing my name by deed poll!

I hope the next generation of women don’t feel the need/pressure to change their surnames.

It’s ridiculous that society as a whole expects and accepts that a woman will erode half her identity because she is attached to a man.

Totally @Illstartexercisingtomorrow! I also don't think that women should necessarily feel pressured into giving their children their partner's surname as default....seems to cause all sorts of problems if the relationship fails.

I went back to my own name straight away. It’s never been a problem having a different name from the children. It didn’t matter professionally either. People got used to it.

Most people I know kept their married name though.

I changed my name on marriage because my maiden name was so unusual I had to spell it every time I said it. I didn't consider it eroding half my identity at all , it was my choice. When I say 'Smith' I never have to spell it, when I said 'LifeOfBoxLongUnusualMaidenName' I had to spell it every time I said it. I

I will keep my married name on divorce, purely because of DC.