Year 6 daughter upset over secondary school choice

[Catz444]

My daughter is beyond upset that she is going to a secondary school where none of her year 6 class mates are going. I think we have made a mistake in taking her away from her classmates of the last 6 years. She is devastated. She is already saying she may not make friends in September (she is frighteningly shy). I regret our decision. Has anyone been there of in the same position. Already thinking of looking at changing to the secondary that the majority of kids are going. Please share your thoughts.

I'm not at this stage BTW, but my friend has an older DC who is going to a super-selective grammar school this September, there's one other child from the school going, but they aren't in the same class and haven't crossed paths in out-of-school activities.

Their Mums arranged a few playdates once they found out they were going to the same school, there is a facebook group for the school's new year 7s, and there's a few others from our town going from different primary schools, the parents have arranged meet ups at the local park and a picnic later on in the summer. The idea being they will at least recognise each other and know each other's names when they get the train/bus into the next town for the school.

I'm sure if you start with that, then at least the "I won't know anyone" fear will be dealt with, if not the "my friends won't be there" one.

I went to a different school to my friends. Thier was only one year above as it was a new school too. On my first day I met my best friend. We’ve been fiends since the first day. I also made lots of other friends. I was pissed to because I didn’t get into the school all of my friends went to due to boundaries. She will make friends but I know how’s she’s feeling. My son is going into year 7. When they had their transition week they all made new friends straight away. He’s got ASD so he was very apprehensive but by the end he was fine. Most of his new friends are girls but new nonetheless.

Dd 13 was in this situation, she knew no one when she started as rest of her friends went to feeder school for their primary but we'd moved and our catchment high school had a fantastic reputation against her friends option. Luckily she was determined she wanted this school and despite battling awful anxiety she's doing brilliantly and has made lovely friends. It wasn't easy to start but I can honestly say it was absolutely the best decision we could have made.

@AnneOfCleavage your advice is very helpful. Thank you. I will work on this. Not feeding into her anxiety is the key thing, I think that's why I had a guilt attack yesterday. But feeling more positive today and So is DD.

Is there a parents FB information page? If not start one.

You can arrange meet ups for summer to help her, some schools do this as well in the summer months

Emotions will be all over the place, it is probably just hit her that she is leaving the comfort of primary to the 'scary' world of secondary.

Fwiw my DD was the only one to go to her secondary, she was really excited when she got accepted, uniform, the classes on offer etc. She is quite socially extroverted too, loves chatting.

Come last few days of primary - fully on sob fest, I want to go to the local school etc and she wasn't exactly close to any of her primary friends. A couple of weeks into the summer break, everything settled down and she started looking forward to her new school. Took her a couple of months to settled in her, she loved her school for the whole time she was there.

@Catz444 you are v welcome. I still have to remind DD at times as now doing GCSE classes so new faces but for us it's been a positive experience as she still has the option of seeing her old primary friends outside of school where she can really be herself and relax.

The only downside is that most of the girls live locally to the school so walk in together and walk home and hang out at each others' houses or the park whereas she has to get a bus home at a designated time (1 school bus that leaves 10mins after school finishes) so misses out on the important hang out friendships.

You sound a lovely mum who has her DD's best interests foremost in your mind and I understand that and remember that most of all back when DD was 11. DD remembers it too and knows she can always offload her worries to me and together we can usually find a solution but we work it out together rather than me telling her if that makes sense. That way they feel really proud when it works and willing to try it more 😀

To be fair, I went to the local secondary school with 99% of my year from primary school. My friendship group immediately split up as we gravitated towards people with more similar interests and within weeks I had all new friends.

Moving up to secondary with all my friends didn't actually change anything.