DD is 19 and have some issues with anxiety and processing skills. She is also 2 years recovered from an Eating Disorder just to set the scene so I’d describe her as very naive and somewhat ‘behind’ developmentally for her age. Not massively but it is somewhat relevant to this situation.
She is working at her first job and has her first ‘proper’ boyfriend as of March this year. The last couple of months she and her BF have been hanging out with another couple - the friendship was between DD’s BF and the lad in this couple initially and a fairly new friendship between them also. So now they hang out as 2 couples. They don’t do much but the lad has a car whereas the others don’t and he also has a pool at home so they go out and eat, or chill out in his pool, etc. They’ve also been camping as a group recently.
The issue is that the other couple have started to massively control everything. They wait for my DD after work in the car outside our house, today they followed her back from work and INSIST Dd comes out with them virtually every night and if DD says she fancies a night in they barrage her with messages until she agrees, sometimes becoming quite aggressive.
DD has tried to set some boundaries as it’s getting a bit much (not her greatest skill as she’s very easily persuaded and a people pleaser) and she’s also feeling she never sees her BF just the two of them. The other couple have verbally laid into her - at ken point a week ago she was being made to apologise to them all for being moody and off with them. I was pretty irate about that ridiculous load of rubbish but left DD to sort it out her own way. We have her some words of advice but left her to decide how she’d like to work things out.
Yesterday DD was very distracted at home and it turned out the girl in the other couple was messaging her and berating her for not wanting to take a day off work to come out with them all. DD again tried to get them to back off and spend the evening at home but agin they pressured her into hanging out with them. They often pressure her to take days off work to suit them (she works a Saturday - they don’t) but so far she has resisted as her job means a lot to her as does her credibility as an employee. I am proud of her for this.
I am highly suspicious (with some evidence of this) that she pays for much of what they do as she is brilliant at saving and works hard whereas the others either don’t work, work less hours or have debt.
Today DD told me that they have told her she should work different days at work (daughter changed her days due to an issue at work and is happy with arrangements) and that the issue shouldn’t be an issue and she must rearrange her work schedule to suit them. Wtf?
They also told her to stop taking her antidepressants and that they are just sugar and don’t do anything. Again WTAF?!!
Am I being unreasonable to think something is quite sinister about all this. I realise daughter needs to woman up a bit and have better boundaries but that’s no excuse for this trio trying to constantly harass and gaslight her is it?!