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Original poster

WWYD - Ex taking DD(3) abroad

38 replies

Librocubicularist · 18/07/2019 16:14

Ex has wants to take DD on holiday this year for the week of August BH. He has said that he will be going with some of his neighbours. They will being staying in a with people they know and that DD has 'friends' there. He has been very vague with the details. He is evasive when I ask questions in general.

DD visits him EOW. She has told me about 'Lily' the neighbour. They do a lot of things with Lily - go to the park, have dinner, do things in flat, go to 'Lily's' flat etc. The friend is 'Lucy', Lily's niece and the holiday destination is Lucy's house. She has also mentioned sleeping in the bed with Lily when she stay's at her dad's flat. That Lily is her best friend etc.

Obviously Lily is the new GF. We separated a year ago. I'm not sure how long the relationship has been going on for. I feel really uncomfortable with the whole thing. Ex is being very deceptive with the relationship. When I spoke to ex at the weekend when DD was staying with him, he said he had nipped to the shops and had left DD at home asleep with the neighbour. DD told me 'Daddy went to work and I stayed at home with Lily'. It feels as though he has this woman playing Mum whilst DD is staying with him.

Ex is Egyptian and has a UK visa which needs to be renewed in a year. I moved a close to my family after separating to get support (a couple of hours away) and he was angry initially, threatening to get SS involved etc (I found out he did call them). We have agreed access arrangements between ourselves and he generally gives me bit of money for DD (not much though). I don't think it's in his interests to take DD away (at the moment at least). My concern is if he took DD to Egypt I would never get her back.

WWYD about the holiday?

OP posts:
Soola · 18/07/2019 16:58

Lily sound like she is kind to your daughter.

You ex hasn’t told you about his new relationship because you might get jealous which quite frankly you do sound.

I think your daughter will have a lovely holiday.

Is he Egyptian?

Dogsaresomucheasier · 18/07/2019 17:05

I’d be a little bit worried about her being taken abroad by a foreign national parent with no legal agreements in place. New girlfriend is not the problem.

Figgygal · 18/07/2019 17:07

Forget about the girlfriend and concentrate on what happens if he won't take her back to UK

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Rhubardandcustard · 18/07/2019 17:08

I’d be more worried about him taking her to Egypt and not returning her.

I would not be giving my permission or handing over her passport.

IncrediblySadToo · 18/07/2019 17:08

‘Lily’ sounds nice. Personally I’d just tell him to stop with the friend/neighbour shit because I didn’t come down in the last rain shower.

A holiday in the UK - ok.

Egypt not a fucking hope! Not a part of The Hague convention and not somewhere I’d be wanting to go to bring her back.

GlitchStitch · 18/07/2019 17:11

Not a chance. He's angry with you, his visa is going to expire soon and as pp said Egypt is not part of the Hague convention.

INeedAFlerken · 18/07/2019 17:12

You need formal, legal contact and CM agreements in place immediately! I would be seriously concerned here...

Grumpelstilskin · 18/07/2019 17:57

Never mind Lily, do not let him take your daughter abroad, especially to a country where you would have massive issues in getting her back if he decided to not bring her home. I'm not sure if you can alert any authorities just in case, he is going to abscond with her close to his visa running out.

Grumpelstilskin · 18/07/2019 17:58

PS: Also revise access and contact ASAP.

Original poster
Librocubicularist · 18/07/2019 21:00

Thanks for all the advice. I'll pursue CM and formal access arrangement. I had been avoiding this whilst we've been able to sort things amicably and was worried that a court would look unfavourably on me moving away. The holiday destination is in the EU. Ex hasn't travelled to Egypt since 2014.

DD really likes Lily and she is lucky because when she visits ex I'm sure it's Lily that instigates going to the park etc as ex would quite happily leave DD indoors on a Ipad all day. Lily has also been buying DD presents. My problem is ex is an opportunistic/leech and if/when this relationship is over, he will find the next woman to support him. I want stability for DD and I think he will be hopping from woman to woman. I remember when I first met him, he didn't want his ex to find out about me and I see a pattern with hiding new relationships from the crazy exes and I'm now one of three.

OP posts:
Hanab · 18/07/2019 21:02

Put whatever you need in place to prevent him taking her out of the country .. DO NOT delay lady!

Rhubardandcustard · 19/07/2019 08:04

Ok but do you trust him to take her to Eu and then maybe he has a flight booked from EU to Egypt!

I would not be letting him take her on any trips out of UK.

BitchPeas · 19/07/2019 08:07

Who has her passport? You need a solicitor ASAP to find out your options.

CoraPirbright · 19/07/2019 08:11

The holiday destination is in the EU

But how do you know that? If he is being evasive about the details in general, it is entirely possible that he is taking her back to Egypt. I would seriously not let that happen.

TinselTimes · 19/07/2019 08:25

You need to speak to a lawyer. He’s evasive about details, he wants to take her abroad and he has ties to and rights to live in Egypt.

If he takes her to Egypt - for example so that he can ditch her on a female relative there - then you will struggle to get her back.

Honestly I wouldn’t allow him to take her abroad at all.

stucknoue · 19/07/2019 08:30

Is lily white British, or rather I assume she's no Egyptian? If so I don't think he's planning on skipping the country, a holiday can be just that. Lily sounds nice, your daughter likes her, and your ex is either worried or embarrassed about telling you he's got a new partner. If he was planning on going to Egypt alone and he had no ties to the U.K. I would be more worried honestly than him having a girlfriend

conflictedwithexh · 19/07/2019 08:38

Nope nope nope. Do not let this man take your DD out of the country. I fear you will regret it if you do 😞

GeorgiaGirl52 · 19/07/2019 08:40

If he is Egyptian and she is his daughter, he can get her an Egyptian passport and take her anywhere.

qazxc · 19/07/2019 08:49

Given his evasiveness, I wouldn't let him take her out of the country.

YouWhoNeverArrived · 19/07/2019 09:21

Ex is entitled to introduce whoever he wants on his time, unless there are genuine safeguarding concerns - which it doesn't sound like there are.

You sound jealous of Lily.

You need to focus on the holiday. If ex can give details of return flights and where he's staying, and it's in the EU, not convinced a court would stop him taking her on holiday tbh. I agree there may be a specific abduction risk if he plans to take her back to Egypt. Take legal advice.

Original poster
Librocubicularist · 19/07/2019 09:52

I will get legal advice and formal visitation arrangements in place. If there is an immediate threat of ex taking DD abroad without consent, there is an emergency All Port Order which lasts for 28 days only.

I have her passport and birth certificate. I have all the copies too, but he could get copies easily enough. I'm not sure whether she's eligible for Egyptian passport as we weren't married. Ex has lived in Slovakia, Czech Republic and Sweden. If he could live anywhere it would be either Czech Republic/Slovakia. I get the impression he's not bothered about going back to Egypt. His mother was fairly ill and he made a comment about might not seeing her again and he didn't make the effort to visit her.

Lily is Czech. I think if things start to get ugly, ex would possibly use the relationship with Lily to help him get residency.

OP posts:
WooMaWang · 19/07/2019 10:00

I don’t really see why you’re so bothered about Lily. It sounds like she’s building a nice relationship with your DD, which is what I think most of us hope for when our exes form new relationships (I certainly hope that if my ex meets someone, she can be a positive addition to my DS’s life).

The holiday thing also sounds like a positive. It really does not sound like your ex is planning to abduct your DD or ever to return to Egypt himself.

The fact he got upset when you decided to move a couple of hours away from him with your DD sounds perfectly reasonable too (rather than any red flag). Most parents want to be close to their children and see them often. It’s definitely a good thing if they do. Checking the CMS rate for maintenance is totally sensible too.

WooMaWang · 19/07/2019 10:03

Your ex is likely to need a formal letter from you giving permission to take your DD out of the country to a specified location and within specified dates. It’s the sort of thing border agencies check these days when a child is travelling with only one parent. This makes it even more unlikely that your ex has any plans to leave the EU with your daughter.

It really does sound like a holiday to visit and stay with Lily’s family and nothing more sinister than that.

tomatosalt · 19/07/2019 10:06

I’d be worried that he might be planning to go to Czechoslovakia with new GF and DD never to be seen again.
Does he talk about wanting DD more or any other children he has?

WooMaWang · 19/07/2019 10:16

Czechoslovakia is not a country any more.

The Czech Republic is in the EU. There’s no real reason to suspect child abduction here. It’s much more likely to just be a holiday.

Just because someone is a non resident parent and a foreign national, doesn’t mean they’re going to try to abduct their child internationally. It really doesn’t.