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Original poster

14 year old boys suicide after being bullied

77 replies

Teethlikepins · 18/07/2019 06:46

Sorry I don't know how to link, but I just can't stop thinking about the poor 14 year old school boy who killed themselves this week after being bullied.

This seems to be happening more regularly, and terrifies me to think of my children growing up in these times of social media and the pressures that come with it.

His poor family Sad

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 19/07/2019 15:47

@MsLumley They have probably gone into arse covering mode then.

Original poster
Teethlikepins · 19/07/2019 22:37

I hope his poor mum has lots of support for her and the rest of the family

OP posts:
ChopinIn10Minuets · 19/07/2019 22:59

I think 'bullying' should be renamed 'peer abuse'. Because really, it's the same spectrum of relationship aggression that you get with domestic violence, and it is hidden from view and minimised by the same processes that shield domestic abusers from the criminal justice system. And really, bullies should be made more aware that their actions are, in fact, abusive, and in some cases criminal. Even if they are 14.

HelenaDove · 20/07/2019 00:42

@ChopinIn10Minuets Excellent idea You have made some very good points in that post and i totally agree.

ysmaem · 20/07/2019 00:50

I read an article on it. Truly heartbreaking. I feel so sorry for his family

Original poster
Teethlikepins · 20/07/2019 11:45

@chopinln10minuets I totally agree

OP posts:
BiBabbles · 20/07/2019 12:59

noblegiraffe Media guidelines do warn against oversimplifying perceived triggers for suicide, and as the guidelines and the research they're based on have been around with strong evidence for decades they really don't have much excuse, but these guidelines are sadly too often ignored.

As you said, there are good reasons these heartbreaking stories don't typically make national news - there isn't really any shown benefits of doing so and media can skew our perceptions. Suicide rates are falling nationally (and globally), but the rates for young people are increasing and the rate at local levels can be entirely different to national ones. It's complex and our media typically and sometimes dangerously oversimplifies and I agree with previous posters that bullying, as a term, isn't helping. Naming the specific actions or a term like peer abuse would probably be better, though in discussions of suicide it has to be treated as one of many variables. Even in research on the rise for young people, those that survived more often frame loneliness - which I think is even more complicated - came up far more often and the vast majority have a history of mental illness which as we all know is an area that has long not gotten the funding and consideration it needs beyond frustrating lip service.

Incywincybitofa · 20/07/2019 13:12

The school have behaved appallingly about this.
Quotes from the school to the Times (now pulled from online) said it wasn't bullying it was his complicated family life
The quote about faith and compassion sits above the paragraph in that letter that says
Some of you may be worried about comments about bullying but we are confident when the investigations are concluded that bullying won't be a factor

Finally another quote from the school described it as a prank that went horribly wrong.

Surely their compassionate natures would have urged them to say "our love and prayers are with his family and friends and we have nothing further to say at this difficult time. "

Original poster
Teethlikepins · 20/07/2019 13:57

It's like as long as they have covered their own arses, they dont care Angry

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/07/2019 14:14

Staff said they had no record of the child being bullied.

Even now the poor child has ended his life. The school still refuse to accept that bullying is a problem.
As far as I'm concerned the bullies should be on a manslaughter charge. Ive got absolutely no problem whatsoever with saying that.
Sam wouldn't have taken his life had he not been getting bullied.
The school also has a lot to answer for.

CraftyGin · 20/07/2019 14:44

As I said on this or the other thread, my DD refuses to use the train because of the absolutely vile behaviour of Salesian students.

Perhaps a small token the school could do would be to have staff supervision at the station. Maybe even the executive head teacher.

She has only just disclosed this to me in light of this tragedy, but I will bring it up with her school safeguarding team next term. She is able to get a bus, but not all students can.

Sagradafamiliar · 20/07/2019 15:02

Sickening responses from the school. It wouldn't have been hard to offer genuine condolences and then leave it. Judging by the transparent comments the school have offered, and Pp's DD's experience, it would seem the school does indeed have a culture of shitty behaviour if not bullying.

TragicAccident · 20/07/2019 15:18

I debated posting. I don't want to fuel.

Please be careful what you write. Please think of the family. Be respectful.

Few will know all the details re this case. To speculate is not helpful.

Not everything you read in the papers is accurate.

That 'prank' comment was attributed wrongly, and was misquoted, and not what was meant.

Please don't make this any worse. There's enough hurt and damage here!

ACatNamedDoris · 20/07/2019 15:20

TragicAccident seems to work at the school then...

CraftyGin · 20/07/2019 15:23

I think 99.9% of people are on the family’s side.

CraftyGin · 20/07/2019 15:25

If you do work at Salesian, TragicAccident, what do you think about staff supervision at the station?

Sagradafamiliar · 20/07/2019 15:29

I wouldn't speculate and I don't think the school should, either. They are the ones releasing statements.
I'm 100% respectful of the family. I don't want details. The public aren't owed explanations or private information.

mrssunshinexxx · 20/07/2019 15:32

This is so harrowing

How do we stop this

CraftyGin · 20/07/2019 15:38

The public aren't owed explanations or private information.

Maybe except the 50 students who witnessed this, the train driver and guard, Surrey Police and British Transport Police, train passengers, and the clean-up crew.

Bullying, and how it is dealt with, is a national concern. It destroys families.

MiniMum97 · 20/07/2019 15:47

Sorry @TragicAccident I completely disagree. Obviously there should be utmost respect for the family and people that knew and loved this poor child, but his needs talking about. Everywhere. Bullying takes and ruins lives and something needs to get done so we don't lose another young person.

Incywincybitofa · 20/07/2019 16:22

The only speculation is coming from the school about what this isn't

FredaFrogspawn · 20/07/2019 19:09

I agree we need to be careful about speculation. Pitchfork assumptions about anything could cause untold further damage to both this poor boy’s family and also other families.

Incywincybitofa · 21/07/2019 00:00

It's the school who fuelled speculation by blaming the boy and his family and brushing off bullying.
The dignified respectful thing to do for all concerned would be the opposite of doing that.

Incywincybitofa · 21/07/2019 10:31

Although the incident was possibly not connected the school email response to the man in that article was lovely.
Obviously we can't control our pupils in full school uniform at the end of the school day but they raise lots of money when they are in school so that's nice... and if things get really nasty we do get a teacher to travel on the train for a journey

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