Everyone seems to have more money than us!

[checkmaid]

I'm not feeling bitter, just a bit mystified I guess!

We earn decent wages, but by the time we've paid bills (mortgage, utilities etc - all on best deals) and childcare we have just enough money to pay for the yearly bills like car tax/mot/insurance - and very little left over.

We just don't have the money to go on holiday (especially in school holidays), we run old cars (very reliable so no extra costs, just not the new/flash models others have).

There seem to be lots of people around us who are doing all these things and more, and I have no idea how they do it!

It's possible that their childcare bills are lower (if they have family around) or their mortgages are cheaper (bigger deposits etc) but I sometimes feel like there's a big secret to affording this stuff that not one has let me in on!

Isn't the most reasonable explanation that they earn more, have lower outgoings, or both?

It depends what you define as a decent wage. If it’s not letting you live life the way you want to live it, then clearly it isn’t decent. The trick for earning more money is to apply for jobs that offer more money - as women we often put imagined barriers in place in front of us to prevent this, but actually the more money you earn the easier those barriers can be overcome. Have a look at job postings and make some cheeky applications (don’t worry if you don’t have 100 percent of the requirements) and see what happens.

Agree with Donkey, but also...

A lot more people than you think are sitting on mountains of credit cards and debt and leases) for things like flash cars)

The ridiculous need to be seen to live a certain way and keep up with the Joneses, while the Joneses are keeping up with you!

If only they knew how freeing it was to say "sod the lot of you!" and live life within means and enjoy it for that.

As above, more coming in or less going out.

But also, you only see what they do have, not what they dont. So, you see the Smith's going to Disney, and the Browns getting a new kitchen. The Jones have shiny new cars, and the Whites have just put on an extension. But you dont see the credit card bill, or the lack of takeaways, or the primark clothes, or savings they make elsewhere.

(Um, I did not add that link in my pp....)

maybe they put a lot on credit?

the biggest difference between us and our friends is that we pay for FT childcare and they all have free childcare on tap and have never had to pay for nursery...

Things like new cars are often leased so it’s possible to drive a new Merc without being well off.

Other than that, a lot boils down to careful budgeting eg saving a few pounds on groceries, shopping around for best utility deals etc. If you manage to cut back by say £300, that’s enough for an annual family holiday and other treats.

Mountains of debt! Cars, sofas, holidays, kitchen and bathroom refits, clothes, all bought on 0% finance deals or store cards/credit cards etc.

Parents who chip in e.g. to pay for holidays or cars.

Actually earning more than you but don't admit it

I agree though OP, DH and I recently got pay rises and paid off the kitchen but it seems to have made no difference!!

Pretty much everyone I know around my age (late thirties - forty)have had loads of help from family. Starting from help with driving lessons, buying their first cars, helping with uni costs etc, through first house deposits, help with renovations to now with free childcare, free holidays, further cash to buy somewhere bigger etc. In some cases it adds up to a bloody fortune.

Also didn't put that link in which goes to MN car reviews!

Naughty MNHQ adding links to keywords!

my friend at work asked me how we afford everything the other day actually (on the surface we look really well off, house in nice area, decent car, holidays etc)

I was honest.

Our house was bought cheaply because its a shit hole. The new kitchen we are putting in is on interest free credit. Our car is leased. Our holidays are meticulously planned and paid for over a long period of time. We save literally every spare penny.

it made me think that we look at some of our other friends in the same way, when realistically they're probably doing similar things to us!

That is so cheeky! Is that going to be on other key words? Prosecco. ...life insurance. ..crisps?.

The obvious in more coming in/less going out. However, lots of people have a lot more debt than you think.

Life gets more financially stable when your children hit secondary school, especially if you both work part-time.

I agree with the family help. Especially dead family! Many people are inheriting very large sums from house sales. (Sadly not us.)

Also someone has to be winning the Lottery (not necessarily big time, but £100k or so) and Premium Bonds all the time. People will never say, though.

We are in a very similar position in that all our social circle are far better off than us.

Two things.

We have no family and have paid tens of thousands in child care over the years which none of them did due to having family support for daily and holiday childcare.

Inheritance. Some have sadly lost parents or grandparents and inherited a lot of money.

We come from families with nothing to pass on, it is just us.

I am not bitter but I do get a little annoyed with one in particular who has no idea how lucky she is.

It sounds like it's a combination of us having to pay for childcare (£10k/y not including holiday clubs - although we use the tax free childcare scheme so it's a bit cheaper), plus my attitude to debt (I'll avoid it wherever possible).

I'm quite budget savvy, looking for the best deals on everything, but it's not making a huge difference.

And I earn good money, in a professional job, pretty much as advanced as I can get, no further qualifications would make a difference.

Looking forward to the childcare bill coming down!

Absolutely debt. Credit cards are so easy to get. The people I know going on holidays/latest phone/nice car is all on finance.

Decent wages is subjective. Outgoings are variable. People tend to spend what they earn, so you cut your cloth accordingly. Everyone's essential bills will be different. Your idea of an old car and mine may be different. That starts at 3 or 5 years old for some people but my car is 15 years old and tbh I don't consider it that old until I think about it PMSL. I had a car older than me once. I could if I needed to do do a weekly shop inc nappies for 25 quid a few years ago but I know some people can't get their weekly shop under 100. Unless you tell us what you earn and your main outgoings except for childcare (my childcare is similar tbh) and we are a low income family and I'm a student. We cant afford fancy holidays but I don't think we do too bad on the whole.

Agree with @JoanMavisIcecreamGirl , it might seem as though some people are awash with cash, but there is a lot of wise planning and saving going on in the background.

Look at what you might be frittering your money away on and try and cut back. It might be choosing the shop own brand or waiting for offers, or using an ISA to the max. We are all very different.

Most cases I know of, it's parents or wider family helping out. They might deny it, but if my 'my parents helped with our deposit' is 10 grand and theirs is 200 grand, it means they have say half the mortgage... Ah well, we're still doing OK.

When I was leaving uni, there were a few people casually mentioning that their parents were buying them (100% buying) houses in addition to the free cars they already had,
all ready for their first job.

Huge gulf between them and me with my disabled widowed mum who didn't have a spare tenner

Most people were in between the 2 extremes, with some financial gifts / subsidy

Makes a big difference in disposable income for as long as the next 20 years, even if we stayed on identical salaries

Absolutely debt. Credit cards are so easy to get. The people I know going on holidays/latest phone/nice car is all on finance

Or not.

I don’t know anyone putting shit like that on credit cards. People just earn more and can afford things like that.

If you're savvy and frugal, then perhaps it's the cost of childcare and high mortgage that add up.

From my friends it's a combination of debt - cars on lease, holidays paid for on cc and take until the following year to pay back and more affluent parents who buy them a car or kitchen.

I also don't know anyone who builds up debt to go on holiday etc. I know it happens, but it's not the norm. I think people get envious so like to assume it's crippling debt rather than they can afford it.

Op the odds are they simply earn more or have less outgoings.