Everyone seems to have more money than us!

[checkmaid]

I'm not feeling bitter, just a bit mystified I guess!

We earn decent wages, but by the time we've paid bills (mortgage, utilities etc - all on best deals) and childcare we have just enough money to pay for the yearly bills like car tax/mot/insurance - and very little left over.

We just don't have the money to go on holiday (especially in school holidays), we run old cars (very reliable so no extra costs, just not the new/flash models others have).

There seem to be lots of people around us who are doing all these things and more, and I have no idea how they do it!

It's possible that their childcare bills are lower (if they have family around) or their mortgages are cheaper (bigger deposits etc) but I sometimes feel like there's a big secret to affording this stuff that not one has let me in on!

I'm not convinced it's debt driven either, I don't think the facility to borrow for stuff like that that is either available or affordable any more (?).
With our friends it's definitely family help.

Having thought about it, I'm a bit torn. I guess we could have more money if we extended the mortgage, but I like the idea of having paid it off in 10 years.

It's a balancing act of having more money now, or much more money later.

I think it's often down to priorities too. I spoke to a colleague the other day who is doing the job I did last year, she's on 10K less than me (I know because its standardised pay). She said she's been on 7(!) Holidays this year already. Over here I can't even afford 1! But then she did say she doesn't think she will ever be able to save up enough for a house deposit and I have been saving every penny and about to move into a lovely, detached house. So, that's clearly her priority.

It’s hard as on the outside I earn a good wage and people probably wonder why we have no money but we are drowning in debt from when my partner was out of work and now he’s working again, throwing everything at it to get rid of it.

For us, it’s inheritance, paying off the mortgage and having transferred to a locum post which boosted salary by an extra 40k. No debt.

I have a friend whose family income is slightly more than ours, she is always broke, I feel very fortunate. We both have similar aged kid. She can’t afford a holiday. I’m getting 2. (camping)
She bought a bigger house, further from work so more petrol. she spends on more clothes and make up and haircuts and coffees and lunches and eating out and has regular days out to places we would do once every 10 years as a special treat. loads of small choices that add up. Very few people have everything, you just need to choose what you want most.

I know what you mean op, but I think a lot of it is false.

I know a woman who drives a brand new range rover but couldn't afford to pay for a £15 school trip until pay day.

most people do not inherit until they are 50-60 so at 30 it's more likely to be bank of mum and dad than inheritance

the average age of death is about 80 most people back then had children early to mid twenties which makes their eldest child at least 55-60, my DM is 72 she inherited as an only child at 68 by which time we had all had our own homes for 20+ years my parents are very comfortable now but when we were kids things were very tight

some people have more debt than others, personally I do not like debt for stuff ( mortgages not included) so I had less until I could pay for it
I would never put furniture holidays etc on a credit card that wasn't being paid off next month
living within your means is ultimately more satisfying as it is far less likely to crash like a house of cards

I'm always fascinated by how other people spend their money on. I know how much most of my colleagues are earning as we're all on standardised tiers, I think the biggest difference is that they all live up to and often beyond their means, while we try to save as much as we can.

As a result, I think some of my colleagues think we must be hard up because we don't go on as many holidays as they do, we only go on one foreign holiday a year and maybe a weekend or two away at a fancy hotel, while some of my colleagues go on 4+ foreign holidays per year, though a lot of them choose cheap flights and hotel deals because they don't really care where they go as long as it's sunny whereas we prefer sightseeing. We also don't buy as many clothes as they do and don't eat out as often or drive new, big cars. Childcare is a also massive expenditure so the ones who have family nearby to help out must be saving a fortune on that. Inheriting money or having family help with a deposit also makes a difference.

I'm always skint but have no debt.

I'd only get into debt for essentials and if I had no other choice. I think that's quite unusual. People often seem to get into debt for luxuries...madness.

Depending upon your job, if they’ve moved around more, moved up the career ladder that can make a big difference. Staying with the same companies doesn’t always pay. However on the flip side not being afraid to ask for more money, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

We have a nice house, but a big mortgage so our days out/social life is not expensive like some of the kids friends - far more walks, parks, bike rides with picnics rather than theme parks. By working on both our careers the last few years - studying or new roles, whilst the kids have been young we now have a bit more spare cash.

The key word here is "seems". They seem to have more money. It doesn't mean that they do. If you hate debt and have are paying off any loans quickly then you are probably better off than most.

Are you just assuming they earn the same as you? DH earns about 10-15k more than similar jobs (he looked around a year or so ago and he realised he is very well paid for what he does!) plus he gets 6k on call allowance and a car allowance.
His mobile phone is paid for by work and he gets free lunch as they have a cook (bosses wife is veggie so he gets his meat at lunchtime!!) we change his car every 3 years so always have newish car, he also gets a bonus each year which pays for our (modest) holiday.
So someone who does a similar job will probably be on about £20-25k less and looking at us and thinking how do we afford it.

Other people I know had huge handouts from parents, free childcare, dads are trades so do thier extension/kitchen etc for free.

I think it's because you are debt averse, that's quite unusual. It's much more common to "minimise current outgoings but spend everything"
Eg. Car leasing is not a financialy sound way to own a vehicle, but it allows people to do so without saving much..or at all.
I am horrified by some of the things friends have extended their mortgages to cover, which depreciate so fast or have only transient value. They are gambling on continuing low interest rates.
And yes to inheritances, childcare etc reducing outgoings.
Some people will not be able to pay off their mortgages, ever ( interest only crisis anyone?) and will be dependent on downsizing or inheriting.
And the number of people with no retirement fund, or even some who have spent their pension pots...frightening.

Most people I know pay for most things on credit cards or use loans. From the outside they look pretty well off, but their debt repayments must be huge.