Turning 50 - what to expect? (Light-hearted)

[TyneTeas]

So the historical documents clearly record the entirely ordinary transition to teen

What should I expect on the stroke of midnight to 50?

Dementia will kick in. (According to many on here, it's a definite once you hit 50)
You'll sprout hair in places that you didn't know could grow hair.

Noted thank you

Your arse will attempt to mate with the backs of your knee's.
Your boobs will attempt to mate with your belly, which in turn will attempt to mate with your thighs.
You will find yourself fighting with your partner for his razor and shaving foam on a morning, or even have a competition with him over who has the best beard.
That's just for starters.....or is that just me??

Oh my!!

Dunno about you, but my random hairs began in my 30’s. I’m turning 47 tomorrow. Should I start saving up for full-body waxing kit or laser for the next three years?

Eek!

It's a mixed bag. For me it was the start of peri menopause & all that entails. I also became more anxious whilst at the same time giving zero fucks what anyone thinks. I don't care about the few grey hairs or an extra wrinkle. I am more open to saying how I feel. Plus it beats the alternative!! I have started making noises when I stand up.

Oh and I've started having laser hair removal on my face, I couldn't keep up with it so decided to try a permanent solution.

Deteriorating eyesight is a pain.

On a positive note, I experienced greater self-confidence, and a symptom free menopause.

Odd people welcome you to "the club". They are typically Men In Lycra or woman that swear by Slimming World. Smile and wave.

People on MN write posts asking where on earth you possibly shop as clearly age 50 you need a special access code to All saints MN is as harsh s place as Hollywood to aging women.

Oh and I've started having laser hair removal on my face, I couldn't keep up with it so decided to try a permanent solution

You took the skin completely off your face?
A good solution to be fair. No wrinkles or whiskers

You will find yourself subconsciously wondering whether to get incontinence pads or pants, depending on what activity you're planning.
You will also take an interest in the supplementary magazine which comes with the sunday newspaper and thinking how handy certain items in it would be.
Again, that may just be me

Oh and spontaneous sex will only be spontaneous as soon as you've nipped to the loo for a quick wee first....unless you're into watersports.

If you’re anything like me, you will start to get lots of funeral planning stuff through the mail, and brochures for stannah stairlifts etc.

Varifocals a bloody expensive.
Prepare to be skint.

Also, pubic hair will happily crawl down your thighs to meet your knees.

@UpOnTheShelf Laser hair removal for the hair on my face... it was growing back so quickly.

You automatically need 250 calories less per day to just survive the very second you turn fifty! Somehow your stomach/brain doesn’t agree and you spend most days starving hungry (if being ‘good’) or stuffing your face with biscuits and other carb laden goodies if not 😁😁😁

Followed the OMAD lifestyle for a few months before turning fifty. I have lost two stone and this time my skin hasn't got saggy. My joints are pain free and no sign of menopause. Also my nasal polyps have shrunk and my sence of smell has returned.

You start to realise just how ageist many places are. Otherwise it, no different to turning 30.

MN is, unfortunately rather full of ageist stereotypes, whether lighthearted or not.

I didn't know when I turned 50 that I would take up running. If I had, I'd know I could look forward to being fitter, stronger and faster

Still awaiting the oncoming enlightenment of elder wisdom....

You will mostly become invisible, which is handy if you are having an off day.
All your friends start becoming grandparents, (if you have kids) they start asking you if you’re looking forward to being a grandma and you Secretly Are.
You start looking at those shopping bag trolleys and thinking they are actually quite a good idea.
Up here in Scotland you become a wifie ie mum to child in bus queue says “let the wifie get on first”. I think you become an auld wifie at 60.

Nothing really, as far as I remember. No need to feel or act old nowadays.
I'm turning 60 next year, and I'm actually looking forward to it.

I think everything wrinkles up then sags in the shower