Turning 50 - what to expect? (Light-hearted)

[TyneTeas]

So the historical documents clearly record the entirely ordinary transition to teen

What should I expect on the stroke of midnight to 50?

Expect amazing sex. Expect to no longer give a fuck, you’re made it to 50 - you’re a fucking survivor - you’re amazing- you no longer have anything to prove. Expect amazingness. Expect to be the MILF fantasy of endless younger men. Expect the everyday relief of knowing that you’re over half the way to retirement.

50 is a good age for a career change - if you are not doing a job you enjoy you realise "life's too short".

Someone is buying your electoral roll data. You can indeed expect Saga magazine, invitations to view retirement apartments and targeted offers for the sun life over 50 plan to drop through your letterbox

Also on my case youngsters in the office will ask about mortgages

50 is a good age for a career change - if you are not doing a job you enjoy you realise "life's too short".

This is where I’m getting to with my current role - there’s a lot that’s great about it but an increasing amount of bollocks and political shite as well, and I am not sure if I can be bothered with it for much longer. I think I need a change.

Other things about hitting 50 - less bothered about appearances but more aware of the importance of doing what you can to maintain your health and thinking about quality of life not just quantity.

You will become invisible - which can be a good thing.

Your Facebook page will contain adverts only for Tena lady, hearing aids, pensions and care homes.

Freedom from periods
Freedom from worrying what others think
Hard work to pay uni rents, etc
Hairdresser bills and yes varifocals are expensive
Learning to give less of a fuck about most things
The imminent and joyful withdrawal from the horrendous school gate
The absolute pleasure of growing into an indomitable old bag.
59 and enjoying it.

You will stop giving a crap about other people’s approval.
You will wear cardigans a lot and take them off saying “ooh is it me or is it hot?” Then you’ll leave them places.
You will become invisible. This is actually quite nice and useful in staff meetings.
Your pubes will go grey and sparse. Except for the lush, shiny bouncy growth down to your knees. Oh and on your chin.
You will go to Marks and Spencer and think ooh that looks comfy. Resist.

You will wake up on the day, feel shit, miserable and old and then the day after that life will go on and you will start being glad you’re fifty and not sixty.

Saga will start sending you information. You will be invited to breast screening. Your small child will get up at 5.30am, or is that just mine?

Oh
You will get leaflets for retirement villages.

You reassess your life and think "fuck it, I dont want to be married to you anymore"
And divorce and be happy.

Pah! 50? Make the most of it. When you get to 60 your energy starts to wain and things that were easy become a bit of an effort.
Hair disappears from where it was troublesome (like legs) and grows out of your chin instead. Previously smooth skin develops random lumps bumps and growths like thread warts, and you begin to notice it losing its elasticity. Everything starts going south. I haven't been able to wear eye make up for years (no great loss though really) because of droopy upper eyelids. You wouldn't see eyeshadow, and mascara makes my eyes look like two pissholes in the snow.
On the good side, as your close vision gets worse, you look in the mirror (sans glasses) and think you don't look too bad for your age.

You make career choices again at 50, changing careers (good) increasing from part time to full time hours (oh why did I think that would be a great idea?!)
Your hair migrates from where you want it to wherever you don’t want it (and in the process changes colour).
You no longer give a flying doodah about what people think, and the filter between brain and gob becomes somewhat faulty at times. On the other hand anxiety escalates for seemingly no reason.
You become on first name terms with all your GPS in your practise and your body seems bent in being referred to many many specialists under the two week wait 🤔
Your periods decide to play peek-a-boo and keep you on your toes, lulling you into a false sense of security by deciding to become lighter and lighter until bam, you bleed more than ever.
You become happier and have more self confidence (until the anxiety elf kicks in!)

I’m fairing well and am 53.

I’m certainly not invisible and haven’t encountered any negative ageism. Quite the reverse.

Physically my hair is much thicker on my hair but has become less in my body but that might be because I remove my body hair and maybe it’s given up!

I won’t allow myself to get fat and I eat small portions of anything I want rather than restrict food groups.

I’m quite active and I’m very flexible still.

No periods for over 7 years is just brilliant.

My short term memory isn’t as good as it was. My teeth are probably my only concern.

Faring

I love being in my fifties 😄.

I feel much better than I did in my twenties.
I know where I am in life, when I didn’t in my twenties, so much uncertainty then.

I’ve just reduced my hours, now working three days a week (hence username 😄). It means I can work a bit longer, so still using my brain, and continue to contribute to my work pension, while receiving my private pension.

I’ve put a stone and a half on since my thirties, but I think at my age I’d look too skinny now if I lost it. I now eat sensibly, with a blow out here and there, and walk a lot.

I'm nearly 50. I got grey hair in my 20s, a shopping trolley in my 30s and I took up knitting in my 40s. I have nothing to look forward to except chin hairs and saggy boobs.

Sorry, that wasn’t lighthearted as such

Ok, to balance it out, I have a couple of hairs on my chin, and one on my neck, which dh delights in pulling out. And it’s the only one that isn’t grey 😁😁..

Eyebrows, whats happened to my eyebrows????

All my life I have had a fight with my Frida Kahlo brows, now after turning a certain age they have almost disappeared.....and they grow at weird angles the ones I do have left, and are as thick as......dam

@Todamhottoday dye them. It looks natural and picks up all the almost invisible hairs. Mine look fantastic.

Soola, I had thought about that, but my eyebrows dont match my hair colour (not dyed) and think I would look a bit, well odd!!!!..

or maybe I just look odd anyway with the crazy eyebrows

@Todamhottoday you can dye them whatever colour you want, to match or contrast your hair!

I use a grey one as black is too harsh and brown ones can look reddish or fade gingery.

You can also get a deeper or lighter affect by the length of time you leave it on.

A good mix of good and bad then

Finally knowing your own mind, and acting on it!