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Original poster

There’s a bloke (married) at my work who’s shagging two different women

42 replies

Babadouche · 09/07/2019 21:26

I only started there 4 months ago. Had heard all about it by the end of the first week.

Ran into him maybe twice. Last week he kept randomly turning up in my office, today he came in for a chat for 20 mins

He’s way way above my pay grade so I can’t really tell him to fuck off. My manager (female) came in after he left and asked what he wanted, I didn’t have anything to say so just said fuck knows he was just chatting. She told me to watch myself with him, not in a horrible way but in an advice kind of way.

I’ve got no interest in shagging a married man, especially not one who’s known as the company slut.

Advice? I’m thinking if he comes in again just monosyllabic answers and staring at my screen, but he’s my bosses boss so also don’t want to be rude

OP posts:

Thefemalekeithrichards · 09/07/2019 21:34

He’s using his ‘position’ to intimidate/try it on with you, nice that your manager gave you a heads up shows she is looking out for her staff. Can you just not engage at all? Are you allowed to wear headphones whilst working ? It’s invaluable to block out all distractions and you can concentrate - I mean really concentrate on what’s on your screen and be so involved in your work you can literally not notice he is even there. Perhaps the headphones if you are able to see his approach? If not then I’d say just be polite and professional and do not get into any non work related conversation - good luck! he is a real prize isn’t he ? Why do women associate with men like this specimen !!

PotteringAlong · 09/07/2019 21:36

If report it to HR and make it clear your manager has to warn you too.

Thefemalekeithrichards · 09/07/2019 21:36

And meant to say this is a tried and trusted method with him as he knows some women will be scared of making a fuss as he is in quite a senior position. What a horrible man.

PotteringAlong · 09/07/2019 21:37

if your manager is warning people she manages, why hasn’t she reported him preying on members of her team?

Original poster

Babadouche · 09/07/2019 21:38

I’m in an office on my own. Can’t see anyone approaching until they open the door.

He asked me if I’d had a good weekend, I asked him what he’d done and asked about his kids and wife, then over enthused about what a lovely weekend it sounded like they’d had. Then he just sat there for 5 mins on his phone whilst I got on with work. He asked how it was all going, I said fine, he said well let me know if you need anything and left.

Twas fucking weird

OP posts:

user1471453601 · 09/07/2019 21:40

That's all very nice dear

Original poster

Babadouche · 09/07/2019 21:42

I am allowed headphones, had them in last week when he came in. He asked what I was listening too, I actually had episodes of Gavin and Stacey running in the background (not watching) just listening. He then went on about that for ages and how much he loves it.

I’m going to put the catch on the door and hope that deters him, or leave the door wide open so it would be weird for him to come in and close it

OP posts:

lljkk · 09/07/2019 21:42

Sounds you handled it well.
I could imagine Keeping every conversation to work topics. Professional but light & direct. Make yourself as boring as possible.

Thefemalekeithrichards · 09/07/2019 21:50

@Babadouche

Haha! right okay - even if you mention that you are listening to some really obscure Scandinavian rock band (make one up maybe like ‘oh I’m listening to ravensfelt’) that will be an opening for him -the man is a professional (twat) obviously ...
Just ignore him he will hopefully get the hint ...you shouldn’t have to be putting up with this when you are trying to work

PJLove80 · 09/07/2019 21:58

There was once a married man in my office who had shagged at least 10 women in the office he was notorious, I was almost offended that he didn’t try with me

EyesOpenWide · 09/07/2019 22:00

If he comes in and closes the door “would you open that door please, I’m trying to get some air circulating through the office”.

If he asks you if you had a good weekend “yes I did”. The end.

Blank and bland.

But it’s really concerning actually that your manager came in with a friendly warning to watch yourself. I would probably consider having an informal chat with HR at this point.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 09/07/2019 22:02

'I'm listening to white noise. It helps me concentrate.' Then concentrate really well so that you ignore him.
Can your manager give you any help e.g. by coming in when he's there?
Leaving the door wide open sounds like a good idea.

Original poster

Babadouche · 09/07/2019 22:03

She asked me if I’d heard about him and I said yes, she said oh good, just watch him he’s a sly one gets bloody everywhere.

He’s shagging another manager on her level which is apparently a long term thing and a receptionist from one of the satellite offices. His wife is someone he had an affair with from work when he was married to someone else. Although office gossip should be taken with a pinch of salt I don’t think it’s far off the mark!

OP posts:

Original poster

Babadouche · 09/07/2019 22:04

I’ve got a door wedge at home I’m going to take that in and wedge the door open. Would be weird for him to then shut it

OP posts:

GrandmaSteglitszch · 09/07/2019 22:04

Also, don't chat - who cares about his weekend.

Coolcoolcoolcoolcool · 09/07/2019 22:08

People saying go to hr would actually do that? Really? Report your boss's boss for chatting to you? I wouldn't.

BrokenWing · 09/07/2019 22:17

He hasn't done anything wrong, until he does treat him like your boss/colleague, if he does get flirty keep your knickers on. If it turns to harassment report to hr.

EyesOpenWide · 09/07/2019 22:26

He’s not just chatting to her though is he. He’s making the OP feel weird, and she’s making plans for how to not get stuck alone in her office with him with the door closed.

The OP’s manager is already thinking something’s brewing, she’s onto the fact that he’s got his eye on this particular new member of her staff - enough to offer the OP a friendly warning/advice.

He’s relying on his superior position to ensure that the OP won’t make a fuss, will allow him walking into her office and parking himself there for as long as he likes, for no actual work related reason, even to just sit there in front of the OP looking at his phone for however long he likes.

The OP has basically stated that she is reacting differently to him because he’s her bosses boss, to how she’d react if he was a peer in the same level as her.

I’d actually go for “listen shagger, I’m not interested in being your next conquest and I’ve got work to do” but as the OP has already said she can’t/won’t be clear with him, then yeah a quick chat with HR is one of the other alternatives.

Coolcoolcoolcoolcool · 10/07/2019 07:00

Maybe a more subtle way of saying that like 'thanks for giving me so much attention, and checking on how I'm settling in, but it's really not necessary as I know you are very busy at the moment.'

Preggosaurus9 · 10/07/2019 07:38

If the door is closed and no witnesses then it's your word against his. So you could say anything you want e.g. "Fuck off out of my office you dirty pig"

"Oh I have no idea what he's talking about, he must have misunderstood, I said I was busy and if he needed a word to book a meeting"

Soola · 10/07/2019 08:00

He might see you giving him short shrift as a challenge or be annoyed.

I would be polite and friendly but very, very boring so that he is repulsed by you!

Worm into every conversation your love of knitting/pebble collecting/budgie breeding and make it sound as boring as possible and go on and on and on.

If possible get some photos ready on your phone.

noblegiraffe · 10/07/2019 08:03

Would you like to hear about the Lord Jesus our Saviour?

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/07/2019 08:20

Motor trade or Law?

growlingbear · 10/07/2019 08:28

@noblegiraffe - that's the best idea. Stick lots of Jesus posters up all round your office and keep a bible and prayer book on display. Slide it over the table with a gleam in your eye next time he asks how your weekend was and start to tell him. He'll never return.

Soola · 10/07/2019 08:32

@noblegiraffe even better! Excellent idea.

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