Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Relationship with boss

70 replies

user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 12:44

Hi all, I posted a while ago about relationship with boss, I was unclear if there was something going on between us or if I was reading too much into things.

Over the weekend he txt me with a funny pic, he was abroad, I was out having few drinks, the conversation flowed by txt until 4am. Still nothing major in the txt, however not entirely 'work relationship'.

He came up to me Monday, we were both pretty sheepish, neither acknowledged the exchange, however there is huge tension, glances etc.

I dont know what to do, I love this job, we still manage our day to day professionally however this tension is always there between us. Is this something to live with that will eventually go away?

Any advice welcome?

OP posts:
mcmen71 · 09/07/2019 14:26

have you kids. If yes work on your family.
If no, talk to your dh tell him you would like more attention.
I did a silly thing for 3 years in my 20's I was singlem, I ended up having to leave the job when he left his family and started sleeping with lots of women.

NavyBerry · 09/07/2019 14:27

Pretend nothing happened. Carry on as usual. Some time after all will feel relieved it didn't get too complicated

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 14:32

Yes 2 small dc

OP posts:
springydaff · 09/07/2019 14:37

No it doesn't die down. It gets stronger.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 14:42

Nothing has happened, it is just alot of unsaids

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 14:42

springydaff, is that from experience

OP posts:
ProteinshakesandAntonsAss · 09/07/2019 14:46

Either texting until 4am was a high deal or it wasnt.

If it wasn't a big deal, then there would be no tension. It seems like you are trying to make it out it's no a big deal, when it is or there wouldnt be a problem.

As for you marriage. No one here can tell you what you should do

If the problems are small but workable, i would try. But sometimes little things go on that long, theres no way back.

I left a marriage with 2 kids at 35. I wish I had left at 30. It didnt get any better on the 5 years only worse.

TenDays · 09/07/2019 14:49

Is your job important enough to throw away for this man? Because that's what it comes down to. Also your reputation!

Nobody can read your mind, not even him; if you keep your mouth shut and resist messaging him and so on you'll get over it and, I assure you, he will move on to someone else.

In the meantime you can cope with a bit of tension. Carry on and live it down.

springydaff · 09/07/2019 14:49

Yes, many times.

It's not worth it, really it isn't. You're seriously playing with fire. You will be the loser big time (no not from experience).

This is just a grubby workplace affair in the making, I promise you. All your colleagues know what is happening between you.

Imo you have to get away. Or pray he gets moved. Can you move to another department/location?

springydaff · 09/07/2019 14:53

And what kind of line manager would hit on a married underling?

Yuk. Abuse of power apart from anything. Seriously jeopardising your career for another.

federationrep · 09/07/2019 14:58

I was coming on to say I married my boss but we were both single, I made the first move as he was shit scared of being accused of something, he transferred to different department as soon as we knew it was serious. But you're married so it's a no from me.

TalkingAboutPride · 09/07/2019 15:00

It takes two to create tension. If you don't want tension, stop co-creating it. Stop replying to his messages outside of work.

springydaff · 09/07/2019 15:01

I assure you, he will move on to someone else.

This

Iamthewombat · 09/07/2019 15:06

Is it because you think your life lacks excitement or something? Is the attention from your boss validating that you are attractive?

You need to get those things from your husband, family and friends, not your boss!

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 15:46

Iamthewombat yes you are prob right about the attraction thing

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 09/07/2019 15:50

Don’t chuck your marriage and career away over insecurity. It is hard having little kids and not feeling young and carefree like you used to, and it’s easy to be attracted by somebody paying you the type of attention that makes you feel better about yourself.

It will get easier. In the meantime, I say get your hair done, have a flipping spray tan and buy some new clothes. The boss should know better and you can draw confidence from not getting involved with him.

Newchapterstarting · 09/07/2019 15:55

I've just started a relationship with a former boss, I worked for him for 5 years and didn't suspect for a second that he liked me. I always looked up to him but I was engaged and subsequently married during that time and nothing untoward ever crossed my mind. I left my husband last summer and he had left the company two years ago but still he didn't say anything and we met as friends only.
Only a few weeks ago when we both started talking about feelings did we manage to tease out of each other how we felt about each other and we're now slowly embarking on something. My former boss is at great pains to say he would NEVER have done anything whilst I was a. married or b. he was my boss as this would have been a total abuse of his power, which I respect him for massively.
As previous people have said, I think you need to sort your marriage out before embarking on anything else. Good luck, I've been in a shit marriage and you need to sort that out first before you move on x

Waytooearly · 09/07/2019 16:18

Texting till 4AM is flirting.

He's a creep for flirting with someone he supervises.

Stop distracting yourself with inappropriate guys and sort out your marriage.

Viviene · 09/07/2019 16:48

Stop it before it is too late. It's never the manager that suffers - I've seen it all too many times.

Happynow001 · 09/07/2019 17:00

Are you prepared to lose pretty much everything OP? Your reputation, potentially your good job with "massive benefits" and your marriage?? And what about your children?

Back away from this flirty relationship with your boss and go back to being a professional person doing a professional job.

If your marriage is Really a problem then either talk with your husband to help make the situation better (through marriage counselling if appropriate) or decide on how things would be if you separated/divorced.

You are in the murky middle way at the moment and you blurring the line between what is professional and personal.

You stand to lose more so please, get a grip.

Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 18:34

My marriage has been in trouble for a while, I love my husband but not sure I am attracted to him anymore.

I am tired of no passion and want to have that

OP posts:
Original poster
user1471514421 · 09/07/2019 18:53

It's not that I want this guy, I think it's just highlighting what is missing for me

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 09/07/2019 18:54

*I am tired of no passion and want to have that.
*
Then either figure out what is that is causing the lack of this in your marriage and try to fix it or walk away. Don't have a dirty little affair.

Fluggy · 09/07/2019 18:57

To be fair..my weirdo boss - BIG boss..text me a picture of his Christmas tree after being just nice to me in work over a few months but definitely not flirty

We're getting married in ten months 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's not all doom and gloom

Fluggy · 09/07/2019 18:58

Oh shit

I didn't realise you were married

Ignore it 👀