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Original poster

Asking Husbands work for annual leave on his behalf

78 replies

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 12:09

I am asking for honest but kind advice here, please.

I am planning a surprise holiday for my husband for his 40th Birthday. Doing it as a surprise because I have NEVER been able to surprise him our whole relationship, he always finds out, and I am determined not to slip up this time.

I am wondering if it is acceptable to contact his manager, work or HR department and explain the surprise and ask if they can book time off for him (it is one-weekend Saturday and Sunday).

If I ask him to book the dates off so close to his Birthday, he will know something is up, guess as he always does and the big surprise reveal will be ruined. His manager's number is on his phone, or I could call and speak to the HR department or put it in writing to the HR department.

OP posts:

chardonm · 08/07/2019 16:48

I wouldn't !

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 08/07/2019 16:52

I have done it before, but o it because I knew the person responsible for deciding. If I hadn't known them, I wouldn't have done it.

smallereveryday · 08/07/2019 18:09

I work in the Civil Service where even simple things are made complicated, like annual leave..but even we can get our heads around surprise birthdays especially 'big ones'. In fact our team has had 3 of these in the last year !
Spouses/partners have simply called line manager who notes it clerically and then inputs on their return.
Our team is very 'professional/legal' and no one has ever been thought of as 'unprofessional' for doing this. Only really happy that the MoS has such lovely family. We also enjoy being in on the secret.
No GDPR issue either. Spouse makes a request. We say ok. No personal information is disclosed except the obvious one that we are acknowledging the staff member works with us..which is already known or they wouldn't be calling for the request in the first place .. sometimes common sense is required ! .

Original poster

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 18:35

@smallereveryday

Thank you for your response that's great feedback. Can I ask when your work schedules these surprise holidays for workers, how does the employee themselves actually find out they have holidays. Does the manager just make up an excuse?

OP posts:

BarbedBloom · 08/07/2019 18:39

I have approved this as a manager before. I told the person to block off a week in their diary as we had visitors coming in I needed them to be there for.

Original poster

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 18:44

@BarbedBloom

I am sorry I do not understand what you said or what you mean by visitors coming. if visitors were coming to a place of work would you not ask them to not take time off?

OP posts:

WhatALearningCurve · 08/07/2019 18:47

@Freespirit24 I think @BarbedBloom means so that their dairy was blocked out. "Joe Bloggs please can you block out w/c 21st July, we have visitors coming in so I can't have you at meetings or in the middle of anything"

That way the annual leave wouldn't affect any work

BonnieSeptember · 08/07/2019 18:53

I've done it, took my partner on a 2 week holiday earlier in the year for his 30th. Regardless of their position his manager / HR contact is a human being with (presumably) their own relationships so I can't see why they'd find it unprofessional. You don't get if you don't ask!

BarbedBloom · 08/07/2019 18:55

I didn't explain that well, sorry @freespirit24. @WhatALearningCurve is correct, thanks. I approved leave to his wife and said to him we had visitors coming in and not to book leave or meetings in as I needed him around, obviously this excuse may not work in other areas, but just explaining how you can avoid member of staff booking things in when they would be off

Original poster

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 19:06

@BonnieSeptember

Thank you if you do not mind me asking some questions. Who did you speak to at your partner's work and how did you contact them (i.e. phone or letter). When the leave was granted, how did your partner find out he had this time off for a surprise trip he knew nothing about!

@BarbedBloom

Thank you, that makes senses. Thank you to @WhatALearningCurve for also explaining. My husband is not involved in any meetings or events and does not have clients he needs to control. He does not deal with people that much apart from the lower level factory workers.

Do you think I am thinking about this too soon? The holiday is next May, when should I contact his work? It is only really a couple of days A/L.

OP posts:

Frith2013 · 08/07/2019 19:47

I’d hate to go on a surprise holiday.

There are loads of places I’d like to go and I’d be dead peeved if I didn’t get to have some input.

MirandaWest · 08/07/2019 19:51

I did this for XH (must have been about 17 years ago now). Emailed his boss and asked him to make sure XH didn’t have any meetings for those two days. Was all fine

KittenSnuggler · 08/07/2019 19:57

Yes of course it's fine. I'm a senior manager in the CS and I've had this a few times when it's been a special birthday or anniversary surprise. Not a problem at all and I've been happy to help. I just blocked calendars out with 'Potential Client Meeting - TBC' on the specified dates. For your husband it could be something like 'Health & Safety Refresher Training' or something similar. His LM will come up with something suitable.

Give his LM a ring in the first instance. They might want you to send an email for an audit trail re the leave booking but I'm sure they'll be happy to help. Just send him in with biscuits/cakes when he goes back to work!

And do it sooner rather than later. Some organisations have ridiculous requirements to book leave very far in advance.

TalkinAboutManetManet · 08/07/2019 20:18

I work in HR, and also manage a team.

I think you’re better off approaching his manager, via phone or email. If the spouse of one of my team did this, I’d be fine with it and would try to accommodate if at all possible.

From a HR perspective it’s a bit more difficult as you have the data, but not the context. I work for a huge company and we have had cases where women (it’s always women!) have called up asking for their husband’s salary info as they’re filling in a mortgage application, and they get very pissed off when we tell them no, we won’t release that info to them. Or they want a list of what sick days we’ve recorded for their husband as they’re claiming back on health insurance etc.
Once had a wife ring up asking for a list of all the upcoming leave her husband had booked- turned out they had separated and she wanted to figure out if he’d planned holidays with his new girlfriend.

It’s a minefield.

From a personal perspective, I’d be really annoyed if my husband did this, and would be very embarrassed.
That said, I utterly hate surprises so would also hate having a holiday sprung on me.

coconuttelegraph · 08/07/2019 21:25

Yes of course it's fine

I genuinley don't understand how anyone can say this, how can you possibly have any idea whether it's fine, you know nothing about the employer or the husband. Surely what you mean is that you personally would be OK with it, you can't go any further than that.

goingtotown · 08/07/2019 22:35

Don’t do it. Your husband will be embarrassed when you tell him you contacted his manager/HR to ask for annual leave for him.

Original poster

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 22:38

I wanted to thank everyone for all your responses. Although everyone had some different but insightful to contribute, the discussion has given me a lot to think about.

As most posters have said, my husband's employer may be okay with the request, or they will not be fine with it, there is really no way of knowing until I ask. That being said, I also took time tonight to think about what my husband would want with me contacting his work, not the surprise part. Being honest, my husband does not like the idea of me contacting his work for any other reason like for example if he doesn't come home or is running late and I cannot get hold of him.

I think my surprise will go down better if I find another way for him to take the annual leave. I am leaning towards pretending that I need him to take the dates of work as my parents are taking us to there timeshare in the countryside somewhere near where we stay (like 2 hours drive) or that they had a spare week and gave it to us. I worry that my surprise will not be much of one if he already knows he is going somewhere, but I realise I have options.

As I previously said, I could also ask him to take the weekend off work for a pretend low key birthday dinner, but I worry that he will take overtime for the rest of the week when we are away. I need to wait until nearer the time and decide. My husband's annual leave entitlement runs from April to April also so he couldn't even put the dates in right know if he asked himself. However, I will have a more concrete plan of action by January.

Thanks for all your responses. I think surprise trips are great if done correctly. To those who say they would hate that, it's just a lovely gesture. My husband would be happy with anywhere, but I am going to take him somewhere I know for a fact he will love. As a woman, I would hate a surprise trip if it was sprung on me the day before as I would feel unorganised, but my husband does not take much time for these things, and I know what he needs. I know how to pack for him, but he would never be able to do that for me or risk forgetting my make up.

Anyways, thanks again for every single person who responded. It is lovely that people can give honest opinions in such a friendly and polite way.

OP posts:

jelly79 · 08/07/2019 22:39

Absolutely ask. I've had this request before and have had no issue with it! I think it's great!

MorrisZapp · 08/07/2019 22:43

Nope, this is ghastly. If my partner approached my manager over my head about anything at all I'd be incandescent.

My annual leave is mine, not anyone else's to book.

I'd just tell him and let him take care of his workplace.

And I'd hate any kind of surprise holiday, sorry! It just feels a bit infantilising and controlling. I'd much rather choose a trip together, and have equal input as an adult.

Surfingtheweb · 08/07/2019 22:48

At my work (huge global corporate) we would absolutely support this!! My advice would be to phone his line manager, explain the plans and ask for the days, line manager can approve & arrange cover & then hubby can book the time off retrospectively on the booking tool, or say no in which case you have to tell hubby.
We are a very people focused organisation though. Nothing ventured nothing gained, you can at least ask.

Surfingtheweb · 08/07/2019 22:53

& with regard to people not liking surprises or thinking he wouldn't like you to make contact, only you know your husband. At my work we all know about each other's families in detail, names of partners, kids, previous marriages, work history etc etc, we are very close. Only you can make a judgement call on your hubbys situation, but for you what it's worth I would love this, my husband would love it, all my friends work mates would love it & mine & my husbands company would love to be in on the surprise!

DickZillaofTheVilla · 08/07/2019 22:57

I’d be mortified if my partner did this. I cant see how it would be allowed either unless it’s a small family owned type place

RosaWaiting · 08/07/2019 23:26

I’m really surprised by the replies

Firstly, I run my work and I’d be furious at someone booking leave for me and furious at a company who would do it.

Secondly, I think it is unprofessional though that’s the wrong word as I guess it’s not his fault if his partner and company would agree to it.

I’m glad to say I’ve never worked anywhere that would be okay with this.

BadLad · 09/07/2019 01:40

Unless you know his manager socially, which it doesn't sound like you do, then I think this is unprofessional.

This is how I see it.

Loopytiles · 09/07/2019 01:56

Some people would find it stressful not to be able to get on top of and hand over work before annual leave.

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