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Asking Husbands work for annual leave on his behalf

78 replies

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 12:09

I am asking for honest but kind advice here, please.

I am planning a surprise holiday for my husband for his 40th Birthday. Doing it as a surprise because I have NEVER been able to surprise him our whole relationship, he always finds out, and I am determined not to slip up this time.

I am wondering if it is acceptable to contact his manager, work or HR department and explain the surprise and ask if they can book time off for him (it is one-weekend Saturday and Sunday).

If I ask him to book the dates off so close to his Birthday, he will know something is up, guess as he always does and the big surprise reveal will be ruined. His manager's number is on his phone, or I could call and speak to the HR department or put it in writing to the HR department.

OP posts:
SgtFredColon · 08/07/2019 12:42

I wouldn’t like it myself mind!

Jayaywhynot · 08/07/2019 13:12

We've had this at work and have always accommodated, it's not unprofessional, managers at your husbands work will understand, they're human too. I'd do it, it's been quite exciting, breaks the monotony of the day being part of the secret for us. Give his manager a ring, I'll bet he says yes

Ghostonthedancefloor · 08/07/2019 13:12

I booked a surprise trip for DHs birthday last year. To get him to book the time off (and I had to get him to renew his passport! - used the excuse of I wanted to book us all a holiday later that year)

I said something along the lines of - “right, I want you to book that week off for us to do something nice/go away)

It was touch and go because I kept asking him if he had booked the week off and he hadn’t! Then one day he came home and said oh I’ve booked that week you were on about. Luckily!

It was a logistical nightmare but so worth it in the end when the night before I gave him the plane tickets to his favourite place!

gingajewel · 08/07/2019 13:12

I work in hr and we have had people do it for surprise holidays and birthdays etc! I ask the line manager to approve and then call the spouse back to say yes or no, I really really don’t see a problem with it at all!!

MediocreOmens · 08/07/2019 13:18

Our holiday requests are done through a system and we get alerts so if I saw holiday booked I didn't book I would assume it was a mistake and cancel it. Or your husband might see it and then guess a surprise is coming.

I think playing it down as low key is best.

Crunchymum · 08/07/2019 13:23

We have a self service annual leave approval system - we have to enter our dates in to a certain HR system and it then gets sent for approval etc.

No way anyone else can book leave for me (my manager did have access to my account when I was on ML and wanted to book some AL at the end of it)

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 08/07/2019 13:46

I'd be happy to approve this as long as there was sufficient annual leave to cover the time out, the mechanics of system can be sorted out later. As a team we did this for my peer and arranged cover for their work without them knowing. I think it's a lovely thing to do, they can only say no in which case you can give him the surprise early.

RonnieScotts · 08/07/2019 13:50

My DH would not thank me if I did this!

He would find it very unprofessional and wouldn't be able to just leave from work on holiday without proper planning (ensuring his ongoing projects were in safe hands etc)

RonnieScotts · 08/07/2019 13:52

Also a GDPR nightmare, annual leave allowance and leave dates booked are personal information which can't be shared with people outside the business, even if they are a spouse.

AnnPerkins · 08/07/2019 13:57

My friend and I both did it for our DHs' joint birthday celebration years ago. It was fine.

I guess it really depends on the workplace and the relationship your DH has with his boss. If you know he's stressed and feeling insecure in his job he wouldn't thank you for it.

I would just like to add, though, making it a surprise doesn't necessarily make the gift any better. My DH tried to surprise me with a weekend away this year but my dad accidentally gave the game away. I was really pleased because I enjoyed having something to look forward to.

Mylittlepony374 · 08/07/2019 14:00

I am a manager. I've done this a few times for my staffs spouses/ partners e.g for surprise engagement, surprises for birthdays.
I think there's no harm asking. They'll say no if needs be.

gamerwidow · 08/07/2019 14:05

This would be fine at my work but we don’t have a strict formal process for requesting leave like other posters seem to have.
Given what you’ve posted up thread it looks like your DH works leave request process is fairly informal too. Given this I think it’ll be fine for you to ask.
If might be hard for them to keep secret though if they use any sort of electronic rostering though.
Where I work we can all see the booked leave for everyone in the team for planning purposes.

refusedleave · 08/07/2019 14:12

A couple of years ago I had planned a lovely long weekend away for DH's birthday without children. Thinking nothing of it I looked up DH's manager and rang her to ask. I knew he wasn't a fan of her but never once did I realise how unreasonable she was. She outright refused... I was mortified and spoilt the surprise to tell DH, he was furious at me for causing problems at work. In the end he joined me on the Friday night (instead of Friday morning) so it wasn't a total waste. Needless to say he no longer works for that company and I would never attempt to book his annual leave again. I do think this his refusal was boss was a so and so and I'm sure you'll have no issues!

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 14:27

Hi, everyone thank-you for all your balanced responses.

I see both sides of this and genuinely understand everyone's points, especially when it comes to online booking systems and data protection. It most probably depends on the culture of the organisation, and that's why everyone's responses are different.

Just for a bit of an update, as a coincidence, my husband said today (like 30 minutes after posting this thread) that he wanted to check what holidays he has left the rest of the year and to book more in. He pulled up this myhr website in front of me and put in (already saved on the laptop) password and the username, and it showed his holiday entitlement, what he has taken and what is left and when is holiday are.

I asked him some subtle questions, and it turns out if he asks for holidays online on this website, he finds out a response by going back and looking at it, and the work does not send an automatic email there were a few days inputted by HR for Christmas and New Year. He also said he needs two weeks notice for A/L.

My husband's position is not a high level one where he runs specific projects and tasks, and he does not manage anyone or is responsible for things that others do not pick up when he is not there. There are like say four people in his role, and they all have the same level of authority. I also said that my husband is starting masters soon.

By the time he needs the time off (Saturday and Sunday), his contractual days will be those days. I could just tell him that we are having a family meal on a Saturday night, can you request those days off work please and he would probably be none the wiser but my only fear with this is that what if he asks or gets asked to do overtime the following week (from the Monday onwards). We leave a Sunday and return the Thursday in the afternoon.

By this time of the year, his exams will have passed, and his dissertation will not start again until the next couple of weeks after the holiday so I do worry about overtime coming up and how I get around that.

I could ask him to get the Saturday/Sunday as A/L and then once that's approved I could call his HR department and tell them about the surprise trip and to kindly make sure he is not given overtime for the remaining part of that week.

If I did tell him to take annual leave for a whole week, he would get suspicious. We are also a very traditional couple. We tell each other everything, and there will most likely not be anything else he wants to use that A/L for, at most he does not use it all and forgets to take time off.

FYI, I am not springing the trip on it at the airport. I plan to tell him the day before over a nice meal and give him some money to go and buy himself some clothes. The holiday is for Barcelona, and it's only for 4 nights.

OP posts:
avalanching · 08/07/2019 14:33

I'm a manager and I'd be totally supportive if someone's spouse came to me about this. I would just pencil the leave in and formally subtract it once they are aware and approved themselves (even if after the event).

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 14:35

@avalanching

Thank you, what would you say is the best way to approach his manager or HR? Is calling better or am I better putting it into a letter?

OP posts:
fluffygal · 08/07/2019 14:39

I did this for OH but he doesn't get annual leave, so I just told them he couldn't work the days he needed off. They were excited for him to have a surprise holiday and kept it a secret.

I would ask if I were you. Does his job mean it would cause issues for him to have time off he wasn't expecting?

WhatALearningCurve · 08/07/2019 14:39

My friends did it for me for my 30th.

I don't think it's an issue as long as you're polite about it

drquin · 08/07/2019 14:40

I think you also need to consider the overtime part ....., how does this work if you think he gets told to do overtime, or if they would plan for him to do overtime?

In my workplace, overtime is usually always on offer but individuals would sign themselves up to what they are available for.

avalanching · 08/07/2019 14:42

@Freespirit24 I'd send an email to his manager, I wouldn't go through HR as it may need to be done somewhat unofficially at the manager's discretion.

Freespirit24 · 08/07/2019 14:44

@Fluffygal

It is not like his job is a low-level position but he works with food so all tasks get finished at the end of each shift and as long as the A/L is put in the time then it is not an issue.

@WhatALearningCurve

Thank you, how did you discover that you actually had the time off then? did your manager have to tell you that you were of these dates and she just gave you them or did you just find out and then not go to work trusting what your friends had said?

OP posts:
Pushmepullyou · 08/07/2019 14:45

I am an employer and we have had this happen several times for big birthdays etc. I think it’s fine and very sweet/lovely.

Lawnmowingsucks · 08/07/2019 14:50

I don't like the idea. I'm not sure why - it seems unprofessional to me, I think.

I'd tell DH that he is doing X (not the real surprise and a very watered down event) for his birthday and ask him to book the days off work.

Then, when he finds out what he's REALLY doing, it'll be a genuine surprise

WhatALearningCurve · 08/07/2019 14:53

@Freespirit24 I knew we were doing something that weekend but thought it would be Friday after work till Sunday.

On the Thursday one of my friends said she was working near my office so did I fancy lunch. Her and another friend turned up and basically told me to pack up I'm going home! They'd spoken to my boss and booked off a half day on the Thursday and then Friday Monday too.

I thought my boss had been acting funny all day so I thought I'd really messed something up. Turned out it was just killing her not spilling the beans

Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 08/07/2019 14:53

I used to work as a manager and I’d have agreed it if a spouse had asked for something like this. I’d even have made it appear as a boring course on the off duty rather than a/l to hide it!