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Original poster

Partner won't pay his way.. with ANYTHING!

60 replies

Cookie123456789 · 05/07/2019 12:03

I've been with my partner 4 years this year, we had our DS1 last year and we both love him so much but at the minute we clearly resent each other which isn't good for DS. We moved into a flat together while I was pregnant and moved eventually to a flat closer to family as we were to far away. When we moved into 2nd flat, he started missing his monthly share to the bills etc. All the Bill's and rent come out of my bank and are all in my name, eventually after 6 months of him not paying his way I decided to move into my moms with my little boy until partner got back on his feet again. Since then I have returned to work from maternity leave and gone part time cause childcare isn't an option financially. We both decided that we were ready to move back in together and that we would work things out.

We have now been in the house 6 months and he has only paid £600 all together over the whole 6 months. The rough monthly running cost is £1200 I only earn £1300 a month, he also doesn't pay for anything for our son and whenever I confront him about it he'll blow up and call me a selfish bitch..

Someone please give me some advise

OP posts:

Redred2429 · 05/07/2019 12:55

He is controlling you you need to talk to him and decide what is best for you and your child is he on the rental agreement?

Missingstreetlife · 05/07/2019 12:59

I don't understand what he is spending his money on, does he buy food or nappies, baby clothes..?

dreichuplands · 05/07/2019 13:02

Give notice on your flat and go back to your mums if you can.
This man is not your partner., he is the father of your child and nothing more from what you have said.

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Oliversmumsarmy · 05/07/2019 13:02

Are you able to give notice on the flat, I would then kick him out and find a cheaper flat for just you and your ds.

Then once he has gone apply for benefits and CM

If you can get a copy of his payslips first.

He might love his ds but not enough to pay for the roof over his head

cees · 05/07/2019 13:03

He brings nothing to the table only to call you a bitch. Fuck that fool out on his arse and move on. He is going nowhere and taking you with him.

ememem84 · 05/07/2019 13:06

Agree. Give notice and go back to your mums.

Tell him you’ll tell landlord that he will be taking over (if that’s what he wants). Then leave him to it.

Graphista · 05/07/2019 13:09

He doesn't love you or your son if he did he wouldn't be doing this!

Get rid!

Is your home in your sole name? If so then I would suspect he has no right to stay in which case just boot the selfish cocklodging bastard out!

If he has a legal right to stay, leave yourself, remove your name from all bills.

Either way get a claim in with cms ASAP but quite honestly even if you don't get cm out of him you'll still be a lot better off than you are now!

Pointless expecting him to change as you've already tried to motivate him to do so and its made no difference.

You're flogging a dead 'un!

Branleuse · 05/07/2019 13:13

Have you looked up the term cocklodger?

longwayoff · 05/07/2019 13:16

He's not a partner, he's a parasite. Leave him or keep him until he tires of you and leaves you for the next sucker. Do you want your son growing up and learning this is the way to treat women?

BumbleBeee69 · 05/07/2019 13:26

Christ OP, you allowed him to do this to you TWICE now WTF

kick her lazy selfish RRRRrrr's put and get onto CMS.

RockinHippy · 05/07/2019 13:31

Jeez, he's not content to not support his DS financially, he's all set to be a first class cocklodger too - class act, what exactly do you see in this poor excuse of a man??

Get shot of the freeloader & claim against him for child maintenance. You deserve SOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS !!

Pinkmalinky · 05/07/2019 13:38

If everything is in your name and you’re unmarried then getting him to leave will be relatively straightforward. I’d either move back to your Mum’s or stay where you are (without him obviously) and claim tax credits as a single parent. Contact CMS for child maintenance payments too.

He’s currently just freeloading, I can’t see what possible benefit you get from his presence.

cakecakecheese · 05/07/2019 13:41

Wow I can't believe he has the audacity to call you selfish. You've given him enough chances to prove himself and he's just gone back to freeloading and he's chucking namecalling in there too. You need to get away from him he's toxic.

Apolloanddaphne · 05/07/2019 13:45

Does he work? I cannot fathom why people think they shouldn't pay their way especially with a child involved. He sounds like the selfish one.

HappyHammy · 05/07/2019 13:49

Like others say can you go back to mum and then start on your own again. He sounds awfully spoilt.

Quartz2208 · 05/07/2019 13:51

The only thing you can do is split and get him out and give notice on your property

serenoa · 05/07/2019 13:51

Is your house rented, OP? If so is it only your name on the rental agreement? If so, speak to Shelter, or the CAB, for advice on whether you can just terminate the tenancy by giving the landlord notice without reference to your partner. I discovered during my divorce that property law sometimes doesn't align with what you might think of as fair treatment. If you can terminate the tenancy without him being able to stop you, it might be the simplest way of resolving your difficulties.

Best wishes to you and your son.

madcatladyforever · 05/07/2019 13:53

No sex or any other services for him then. He will soon get the message.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/07/2019 13:57

Jesus, ltb, he thinks your a free ride.
Got someoen to pay his bills, no doubt cook his meals, look after. His kid and no doubt provide him with sex.

KatharinaRosalie · 05/07/2019 13:57

so when you present him with facts: "(not so D)P, the bills are x, the food was Y, your child's expenses this month were Z, therefore your part is 1/2 of XYZ" - why does he think he does not have to pay this? I'm genuinely curios to hear his justification why you should support him.

GrouchoMrx · 05/07/2019 14:01

He is not a partner. You need to accept that and get rid of him.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/07/2019 14:01

so when you moved back home, did he pay all the bills on the flat then?

Juells · 05/07/2019 14:13

He probably has an expensive hobby, or gambles. Either way, why are you supporting him? You have a child to support.

willowmelangell · 05/07/2019 14:21

Use this weekend to decide if you will be a single parent or not.
Both will be hard. You do get to choose.
Keep every receipt and hand it to him saying "Half of this is yours to pay when you get your wages."
All grocery shops, nappies, ds clothes, formula, laundry powder, everything like that.
If this house is in your name, probably you would pay all rent and bills if it was just you and your ds. If it's joint, then that is another hard conversation about a standing order for half of the total every month.
or it is a tough conversation that it's not working out, pack his bags and inform him he will hear from the CMA.
I couldn't afford to prop up the lifestyle of some parasite on my p/t wages.
Good luck and fingers crossed for you. x x x

lastqueenofscotland · 05/07/2019 14:41

LTB

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