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Original poster

Depressed about having to stop breastfeeding :(

30 replies

Sticksand · 04/07/2019 22:25

DC is 6wo. For various reasons, I've been advised to stop breastfeeding. I've had mastitis a few times since birth, few other interfering and the antibiotics have really damaged my supply and it's become so sore. I've not fed him once today (been doing it gradually for a few days) and and my right has dried up. I've been crying all day over it, I look at him and he's so perfect and I feel like I'm doing wrong by him. I just wanted to do my best by him and now I feel like I've failed him Sad sorry for the rant but no-one listens in real life, been told it's stupid as I can formula feed. I just feel so sad Sad

OP posts:
thecompanyplonker · 04/07/2019 22:30

I really really sympathise Thanks

It took weeks for my milk to establish and I felt awful giving DD formula- I was able to express semi successfully but actual BFing is a thing of the past. Just remember (I practically chant this to myself) breast is not best. Fed is best.

azulmariposa · 04/07/2019 22:31

You haven't failed him at all. Some women just aren't able to bf, for various reasons.
Have you seen any breastfeeding specialists?

Original poster
Sticksand · 04/07/2019 22:34

Thank you both for replying ❤️

@azulmariposa i did two weeks ago and it was okay but not helpful as such, nothing I didn't already know iyswim. Just know this natural milk is drying up that's nutritiously good for him Sad

OP posts:

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Ginger1982 · 04/07/2019 22:39

It's sad when you realise you can't do something you want to do. I couldn't breastfeed beyond the first few days. He will be absolutely fine on formula. You haven't failed him at all.

Poochnewbie · 04/07/2019 22:39

Don’t throw in the towel just yet. If you’re really sure that you want to continue, you probably can. Look for a local la Leche league group and other breastfeeding support specialists and they can help you. The first 3 months of breastfeeding can be hell with all kinds of frustrations but most can be overcome with the right support.
I almost gave up but my hv was brilliant and so was a local bf support worker and after about 6 months we were sorted. Now ds is 2 and a half and we’re still going.
Mixed feeding worked for me. It took the pressure off but I was still feeding him myself. Is this an option for you?

However, if it’s all too stressful and is impacting you too much, it’s equally fine to formula feed. No mother should feel guilt for it. Nobody looks at a 10 year old and can tell how they were fed.

Don’t be hard on yourself x

Poochnewbie · 04/07/2019 22:41

Also, I fed mainly from one side and this has never been a problem. Now I only feed from one side. Your milk supply can be increased.

Original poster
Sticksand · 04/07/2019 22:41

@Ginger1982 thank you for your reply Thanks

I absolutely don't mean to put down formula feeding, I know he'll be okay on it and thrive. I couldn't feed DC1 after 8 weeks and had to formula feed but vowed to do it this time- which makes it harder I think. I know I've done the best I could but can't help but feel sad that I can't do it Sad at least we're not in times pre-formula!

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 04/07/2019 22:42

Has your baby had a proper tongue tie assessment by someone qualified to do it?

Mastitis and low supply are classic signs (because baby can't feed effectively so they can't empty the breast).

Sevo7 · 04/07/2019 22:42

I understand op. I stopped breastfeeding my first dc at 6 weeks old because I kept getting thrush in my milk ducts which was agony and misdiagnosed as mastitis by the gp. I was confident in my decision at first but then when I became engorged I changed my mind but dc completely refused the breast at this point and I felt so heartbroken seeing my milk supply dry up. (I didn’t understand about pumping back then) It did depress me for quite a while but I got over it and my baby did fine on formula but I’ll be honest there was always a slight longing and sadness that I didn’t do it for longer. It was nearly 10 years later I had my 2nd dc and I vowed to breastfeed again which I am still doing at 8 months old. It is hard and I’ll be honest I think you need to be 100% at peace with your decision. Is there anyway you could pump for a few days to give yourself time to heal and then perhaps looks at mixed feeding? If that’s something you wanted to do of-course.

Original poster
Sticksand · 04/07/2019 22:43

@NameChange30 very prominent tongue tie but haven't got an appointment until mid August to fix it!

OP posts:
LJS8987 · 04/07/2019 22:45

There's a group on fb where mums donate breast milk...that could be an option if you don't want to formula feed??

NameChange30 · 04/07/2019 22:46

Bingo, knew it would be tongue tie
Can you afford to go private to get it divided?

PerfectPeony2 · 04/07/2019 22:47

It sounds like you really want to breastfeed, so, just make sure you explore other options first. Those first few weeks establishing supply, getting the latch right etc. are very difficult and personally for me, it fucking hurt a lot but I got through it and I’m still feeding 1 year in.

Could you mix feed for a while? Nipple shields? Has he been checked for tongue tie? Are you using lansinoh cream? How often is he feeding? Have you watch some YouTube videos for feeding tips? Have you tried lying down to feed etc.

Original poster
Sticksand · 04/07/2019 22:48

It's not just the tongue tie. That's a massive part but there's also recurring mastitis, weight loss (only a tiny bit but still) etc :(

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 04/07/2019 22:49

...which are caused by the tongue tie!

Original poster
Sticksand · 04/07/2019 22:50

The other part is I go back to work in a few weeks full time Sad that depresses me too but nothing I can do about it Sad

OP posts:
CoffeeAndCakeEssentials · 04/07/2019 22:51

No advice but I understand 100% how you feel. I couldn't breastfeed beyond a few days for medical reasons and having that choice taken out of my hands was awful. I cried for weeks about it and even now, months on, I still feel very ashamed about not being able to breastfeed. But I look at my baby and they're happy and healthy (and an amazing sleeper which i totally put down to formula so I feel better about it!!) fed is best so please be kind to yourself Thanks

jackstini · 04/07/2019 22:54

Have you tried pumping? That massively helped my mastitis. Plus feeding through it with nipple shields

See if you can contact a bf counsellor, it obviously means a lot to you to keep going if you can.

Shocked to not sorting the tongue tie quickly. A family member had it sorted in days last week - maybe push for this?

Good luck and whatever happens the point is you are making sure your baby is fed in any way possible

PerfectPeony2 · 04/07/2019 22:55

Oh and I’m sorry OP. Could you express feed for a while? And do a combination?

I may be wrong but I think mastitis gets worse if you stop feeding completely, do you have a pump you can use?

toasterstrudle · 04/07/2019 22:55

No advice but I understand 100% where you're coming from. I had to stop bf my son early on and the guilt was all consumable. My advice is dont feel bad at all!! The fact you're wanting to do the best by your son shows what a good mum you are and there is no harm in formula feeding at all. My son is almost 2 and he is thriving!! I couldn't tell you which of his peers were bottle and which were breast fed. If that's what will work best for your situation then switch to formula, start to heal yourself and dont feel bad at all. The post partum fog will clear soon and you'll wonder why you wasted all those late night hours googling and feeling guilty, promise.

Littleraindrop15 · 04/07/2019 22:57

Have you tried pumping?? I was in the same boat as you and after 2 weeks I couldn't do it anymore she wasn't latching on because my nipples had scabbed over and I felt like a total failure. I exclusively breast pump, its a hassle, straneous and Time consuming but as I am able to express I give her that and I don't need to top up with formula. You can increase your supply as well by pumping for longer and more frequently. On the plus side you and your partner can feed her. X

Your baby is fed that's all that matters. Not everyone can breastfeed and that is okay

Emmak789 · 04/07/2019 23:01

Please don't be upset. It's not your fault. You tried your best but it was not meant to be. If feeding is uncomfortable and making you unhappy that's not good for baby. There is too much pressure on new mums to breastfeed and I think it makes us feel like failures when it doesn't work. Yes its it's good for baby but so is sanity and mental health.

I had similar problems. I can suggest a few things to get the supply up and running again. When I had an infection and blockages, I was in agony and stopped breastfeeding for a few days....and I dried up but a friend told me to make lots of skin to skin contact by dressing DS in just a nappy, wearing a very baggy shirt and putting him inside and just spending all the time possible lounging around in bed with DS, keeping fluids up and drinking loads of wheat germ, fennel tea and eating porridge. This will hopefully stimulate hormones to make you produce milk. Also gently massage the nipple area and breast tissue by running your thumb along the breast tissue from the outside towards the nipple. Doing this regularly will prevent blockages and loosen up the milk. Also after feeding always use a flannel soaked in hot water to wipe down the breast tissue and clean the nipple area of any dried milk and prevent blockages.

You could also try power pumping. This means using a breast pump vigorously every hour for 10-20 min at a time to really stimulate the milk production. And you have to do this with skin to skin contact for max benefit (not at the same time as pumping) and it helps if you pump when baby cries for some reason.

Last option is to just do all the above, and just Express milk and bottle feed baby. That for me was the only way I could breast feed with out being in agony all the time with bleeding sore nipples. The good thing about it is you can freeze and store extra milk and also it gives your partner a chance to feed baby and for you to have some time to yourself. Feedig something they miss out on when baby is exclusively breastfed.

Don't worry if you don't feel you can do this. It doesn't always work and that's ok. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can love your baby in other way. It does not reflect on you as a mum.

azulmariposa · 04/07/2019 23:07

We all know that bf is best, but that puts a huge pressure on us if we can't do it. My milk never came in. Same as my mum and grandmother, but I was determined that I would be able to. Of course, I felt like a huge failure, and that wasn't helped by the midwives all telling me that every woman could do it. I think it contributed to the pnd that I suffered with too. Thank goodness for a lovely hv and gp that were supportive.

As a previous poster said, the best thing is a fed baby. Formula isn't a failure. You've probably tried so hard, and feel under pressure. You need to do what's right for you, and baby.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 04/07/2019 23:09

This is not your fault! You are being let down by a crappy system that isn’t treating the tongue tie as the emergency it should be! Of course you are feeling rubbish! Is getting it dealt with privately an option? Or pumping/mixed feeding at least until it’s been addressed? If you’ve got the energy be angry!

dimdarkashian · 04/07/2019 23:24

Express and top up with formula until tongue tie op. I did this and it's amazing how much the baby will increase your supply once the tongue tie is fixed. I'm now exclusively bfing. Good luck

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