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Original poster

If I'd been in USA, i would be in jail now

64 replies

user1471453601 · 04/07/2019 15:37

I was having lunch in a restaurant this afternoon when I got a text from my very dear friend. Her husband is terminally ill and had a psychotic incident in the night.

It's all so very sad. DD, who happened to be at home offered to collect me from the nearest place as I was very upset.

While walking to the spot where she was to pick me up, some fucking prat told me to "smile,darling, you'll look so much better".

I swear if I had a gun in my bag i would have shot him. Firstly, I don't fucking want to look his version of " so much better", secondly, I'll look exactly how I am. If that's distressed ,as I was, what's it got to do with him?

For goodness sske, I'm nearly 70. When, exactly an i allowed to look exactly how I feel.

Sorry, rant over

OP posts:

K1ssIt · 04/07/2019 17:07

I've lost count of the amount of men who have said this to my life (fourty years old) and such comments started the same time as puberty. Never had a woman tell me to look pretty for her and smile, ever.

You can never react the right way either, if you smile back some take it as a come on and push it further and I've been told I should have ignored him.

If I ignored him and he got the jump I'd be told I'd been rude and as he was probably just being nice then I should be nice and just smile.

The few times I've said "fuck off" I've been followed along the street saying I'm a bitch, needed teaching a lesson, that I'm too uptight and need a good fucking to loosen me up.

I kind of think nice men don't tell women what they have to do. Nice men don't take it upon themselves to tell women they should position their face in a way to look better or pretty because nice men know women aren't decorations put on the Earth for his viewing pleasure.

My dd is 14 and has what she calls resting sad face and is often asked if she's ok cos she looks like she's about to cry. Her male and female friends ask this. A fully grown adult man told her a few weeks ago "you'd be so much prettier if you smiled" Dd is more confident than me and told him "there's a word for adult men who approach teenage girls in the street to comment on their prettiness" and he got angry and said it wasn't sexual at all and she shouldn't call people being friendly a nonce.

I almost instinctively found myself doing what my Family would say to me and tell her she should have just ignored him or smiled back. She shouldn't be the one to adapt her behaviour because some creep tells how he thinks she could prettier.

I don't believe it's not sexual either because my husband and every other man I know has never ever ever been told by a man "smile you'd look more handsome" or had a man tell him "cheer up and smile mate" as he walked past. Wonder why!

cantfindname · 04/07/2019 17:09

Someone said those very words to me an hour after my DF had died. He got a two word answer!

placemats · 04/07/2019 17:12

I bet you gave him the shot gun eye. You are allowed to have emotions in public and to walk in public showing them, or not. Some men are just excuses for men.

to you and your family.

DrSeuss · 04/07/2019 17:22

Why? Just why? Why say that when you see someone looking sad or distressed? Which part of their brain can't understand that someone may look distressed or sad because that is what they are? Why can't someone get that the best thing is to either discretely offer help or pretend not to see, depending on who exactly is in distress?

I work in a school. I frequently see kids looking confused/sad/distressed as they pass me on the ay to lessons. I deal with this by quietly checking that they are OK and helping out those that need it or encouraging them to seek help from an appropriate person..What kind of idiot can't work that out?

Pinkmalinky · 04/07/2019 17:23

Has anyone noticed it’s only ever men who say this shit to women? Horrible sexist pigs.

Baguetteaboutit · 04/07/2019 17:27

I've also only had a "cheer up love it might never happen", from men. I don't have the self preservation gene that prevents me from telling them to get fucked.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 04/07/2019 17:30

'Fuck off, you sexist arsehole,' works really well in such situations.

nsldriver · 04/07/2019 17:42

and 'smile, it could be worse'

I fucking hope not.

S1naidSucks · 04/07/2019 17:59

Your daughter is amazing K1ssIt.

Saralyn · 04/07/2019 18:20

This has only ever happened to me in the UK. The guy got pissed off when I didn't reply with a smile. I got quite upset, had never experienced it in my own country.

Thuglife · 04/07/2019 18:24

If someone who’s always a male tells me “Cheer up love it might never happen “ I normally say”It already has prick you’re taking to me”.
Hate it.

Thuglife · 04/07/2019 18:28

talking

Dollywilde · 04/07/2019 18:34

Just adding my voice to the crowd of women who have had this said to them by a man after something awful (although frankly it’s appalling whether or not something bad has happened).

I wish I had the intelligence and vocabulary to explain to men the sheer fucking exhaustion of living every day in a world that men presume to own.

ineedaknittedhat · 04/07/2019 18:55

Men should bloody well keep their opinions to themselves. Having to share the earth with them is a trial.

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