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Original poster

should you Love you Spouse or child more ???

86 replies

daddykool99 · 30/06/2019 10:23

this question is being asked to show other peoples opinion to a couple who argue constantly about the question , obviously they BOTH think their opinion in RIGHT !!!! (pending divorce)

OP posts:

Shinyletsbebadguys · 30/06/2019 11:44

Like others say I do feel it's a different kind of love ,there isn't any question in my house the DC come first where it's a need (wants are classified differently and we teach about all members of the family working within the unit as a whole)

Dp is not the DC biological father but would instantly save the DC first in an emergency as he absolutely should.

I remember meeting a man who winged to me that his wife should put him first and I've never lost so much respect so fast for someone.

I hope my DC will fly the nest and go out and have adventures and live their own lives so it will be myself and DP and that's a lifetime love. However no matter what and no matter what age if the DC need us they will always come first.

My parents have an incredibly strong marriage but their downfall is that they shouldn't have had DC because it has always always been the case that they come first to each other and the DC come second. Always. So they are fantastic role models for marriage...bloody awful ones for marriage with children.

In terms of the two divorcing ...every time the spouse argued that they should be loved more it would make me more determined to divorce them ....you can't demand a level of love or it kills it completely

Ninkaninus · 30/06/2019 11:46

Of course people often have to choose between their children and their spouse/partner/boyfriend. No one has said they don’t.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 30/06/2019 12:58

@Tronkmanton I think that (presumably unmarried, celibate, childless ) vicar is completely and utterly wrong. Of course you should save your children first who you have responsibility for over an adult spouse who can presumably make adult decisions on how to get out of a house fire! What an utterly ridiculous, selfish and twatty attitude they had

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 30/06/2019 13:03

And yes DS over DH every time, for me. It's just a visceral, primeval thing, he's my child, I carried and birthed him, I would take a bullet for him. Nobody else in the world I would sacrifice myself for if it came down to it.

Namenic · 30/06/2019 13:12

Which child should you live more? Answer that then move onto OPs question.

icanhearapindrop · 30/06/2019 14:19

I absolutely love my children more than my husband! And he loves them more than me. I would actually be concerned if he told me he loved me more than our children, and would worry that that meant he didn’t love them unconditionally.

mindutopia · 30/06/2019 14:25

Well, if my dh continued to try to argue with me about this, I would definitely not love him more! What a ridiculously shallow thing to be bickering about. I love mine all equally but if given the choice of who to save in an emergency, I’d save my youngest dc because he is too little to sort himself out. It doesn’t mean I love him or anyone more or less.

But if a couple are arguing over this, they definitely need to divorce because they’re both ridiculous.

Original poster

daddykool99 · 30/06/2019 14:40

further to my original post, there is also the , YOU show more care and attention to our child (12mths)than you do to me attitude, this is why as only a relative of this couple, I am seeking comments of total strangers as a guide towards the problem of possible divorce

OP posts:

IvanaPee · 30/06/2019 14:42

Well it’s not really your business, is it?

Poppkitty90 · 30/06/2019 14:45

My love for my son is unconditional
My love for my husband is conditional
If I could only save one I would save my son
Exactly this.
I also agree with a PP who said that it’s the way things are meant to be

Poppkitty90 · 30/06/2019 14:45

Also stay out of it!!!

DontPressSendTooSoon · 30/06/2019 14:53

Child, definitely.

I made them in my body and developed their minds. I love DH but its not inconceivable that the marriage would not last the fullness of time. Its inconceivable that I'd ever be estranged from my children.

voddiekeepsmesane · 30/06/2019 15:03

It's a different kind of love.
My love for my son is unconditional.
My love for my husband is conditional.
If I could only save one I would save my son.
But I hope to spend the rest of my life with my husband, even after our children have grown up and left home.

Another vote for this here

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/06/2019 15:06

I'm with @AnotherEmma

Jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 30/06/2019 15:09

Unconditional love for my children.
I still love the bones of my dh, but they come first, I think he'd say the same.

I saw someone displaying road rage towards my ds at traffic lights (rager out of car at my ds's car), I was in my own car behind ds, immediately went into mother bear mode I got out of my car distracted rager by shouting at him to get back in his car and to stop acting like an arse.

FenellaMaxwell · 30/06/2019 15:10

I would be heartbroken if my DH died. But I physically wouldn’t be able to live in A world that didn’t have my DS in it.

FrankT · 30/06/2019 15:12

Kids.

TheInebriati · 30/06/2019 15:13

YOU show more care and attention to our child (12mths)than you do to me attitude

I'm always a bit baffled by men who have babies and then complain their wives don't pay them as much attention. What did they think having a baby would be like, did they think about it at all?
Why do they think their wife owes them the kind of attention you give to a child?

LaurieFairyCake · 30/06/2019 15:31

What, more than the dog???

AnotherEmma · 30/06/2019 15:40

"marriage vows say ‘forsaking all others’. At our pre wedding meeting with the vicar he emphatically stated that this includes children I.e. in a house fire your duty is to get your spouse out first followed by anyone else!"

AnotherEmma · 30/06/2019 15:40

That wasn't in our vows!

PCohle · 30/06/2019 15:43

Child. I struggle to understand parents who don't feel that way to be honest.

costacoffeecup · 30/06/2019 17:18

Children. It's a no brainer, surely.

wheresmyhairytoe · 30/06/2019 17:28

It's a totally different love. Like others have said, my love for my DC is unconditional, my love for DH is conditional.

For example, DS has very challenging behaviour at times and has been very physically violent to me. If that was DH treating me like that I would have walked away the first time it happened. With DS I accept it and could never walk away from him.

DeadButDelicious · 30/06/2019 17:38

Pretty much what anotheremma said, the love I feel for my DD is unconditional. She's my baby, I grew her, I'd lay down my life for her. There is nothing she could do that would stop me from loving her.

My husband, no matter how much I hope we will spend the rest of our lives together, I could fall out of love with, there are things that he or I could do that would make that happen. It is conditional.

It's a totally different kind of love. I don't love either of them 'more'.

I'd stay out of other folks arguments though. No good comes from that.

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