Being kicked out of my mum’s - what are my options?

[homeless1234]

I’m 27 , full time student on sick leave suspension so wouldn’t be due to go back to uni until January if doctors think I’m medically fit . I’m waiting on an operation and I’m also struggling with mental health problems .

I’m currently staying at my mum’s but she doesn’t want me to live here anymore . She has huge disabilities , MH problems and can’t do the mum stuff very well - I’ve always been her carer . Hence where the MH crap has come from . She’s now saying my problems are causing her disabilities to get much worse , she can’t help me and she wants me out . Her doctors are in agreement .

I’ve got a degree and lived in student accommodation for the first degree . Worked for three years FT and built up enough money to go back to uni to better myself and get a decent career . I was trying to support my mum from 300 miles away , took a reaction to changing my anti depressants and ended up suicidal . So had to go home . Only home was mum’s .

I don’t know what my options are . I haven’t any family who would have me live with them . Dsis is severely autistic and under care of social work (as similar issues - my mum couldn’t look after her either) . Father lives 3000 miles away and won’t be able to help .

Relative has said plead homeless , ask for benefits , and the council will have to house me in the short term and then state parental estrangement with uni (who would then help me with housing there) . I’ve got care experienced status as well or something with uni as spent time in foster care as a child .

They’ve also said to tell uni I’m not coming back until 2021 but I don’t think that’s an option . As it is I couldn’t make that decision until September .

I haven’t even got a bloody kettle or pan to cook with and only £150 to my name .

As far as I know I’ve zero entitlement to benefits other than maybe ESA or PIP but I doubt very much I’d get either - unless I leave uni altogether and claim JSA.

I’m in a horrendous horrendous fucking mess and feel like if I ended my life, that would be the best option - I know it’s probably untrue and not the option and I wouldn’t do it but it’s a horrible persistent thought .

Housing - Student support services at your uni might be able to advise.

Persistent thoughts of suicide - you need to speak to your GP, it could be down to medication. Please do this urgently. The thoughts can pass, cease being part of your life, I know, I've been there.

the council will have to house me in the short term and then state parental estrangement with uni

I’m not sure this is true. I don’t have any answers I’m afraid but I would be wary of assume the above is true and relying on it. Good luck.

As it's weekend usual homelessness office will be shut but they should have out of hours if you can Google your area. Be prepared that it is likely you will get b&b or emergency accomodation overnight firstly.

The old notion that you can rock up to the council and they have to house you and give you benefits needs to really die quickly. It's untrue in a lot of areas especially if you are single and have no dependants. As for benefits, it's all UC now. There's a minimum 5 week wait for any entitlement and it's very low, there's no more ESA or JSA as stand alone benefits, it's all one, UC. You could apply for PIP, however, as it's non-means tested.

I’ve got a horrendous UTI - been vomiting all day - so if I can avoid moving out tonight would rather that !!

I’ve phoned OOH who just said if I want to go now I can , but it would be a B&B , anywhere in the shire (which is huge) . Want me to go to housing office first thing Monday and they’ll try to help .

Yes , definitely single and no children .. that was my worry . Family also said why don’t I privately rent , where do they think money will come from ... there’s doesn’t seem to be a bloody easy answer at all .

PIP wise I will give it a shot but I doubt it - MH problems I manage fairly independently , I’ve never been sectioned or anything . I’ve got a lot of gynae and bladder problems but all managed independently . I get up and showered most days , stuff like that . Don’t leave the house a lot but then I don’t have a reason to .

I’m more hurt that my mum keeps saying her health problems are my fault , again and again . How can it be . She had seizures when I was six years old and I was alone and scared , every single night , how was that my fault .

Can you speak to your Doctor at all?.He may know of some help you can get ,Church Associations may be of help .Try Shelter too .Its all very well her Doctors wanting you out, but with nowhere to go then what are you supposed to do?!.Can you stay with a friend at all? just sofa surfing .I hope you get some help ,you have done so well to get your degree in some very challenging circumstances !

Local Authorities only have a legal responsibility to house single people who are particularly vulnerable. But whether the council will help you depends very much on where you live. Shelter have a toll on their website, you put in your postcode and it tells you what your local council's eligibility rules are. Being a care leaver even when over 21 can give you more chance of being given somewhere to live.

If you are not eligible then you need to find a room to rent. You should be entitled to housing benefit and universal credit. Again Shelter will help. Go to their website and take it from there.

Okay OOH have said they will put you up in a B and B which is good. So you won't be on the streets. Or will help you at housing office on Monday. Sure where they give you will not be your ideal, but you need somewhere to live.

You might be a good candidate for supported housing - in my area there are a couple of services but I'm not sure what it's like across the country. I would definitely go to the council on Monday, they do have an obligation to prevent homelessness and with your MH and the fact that you aren't 'intentionally homeless' you should have a reasonable chance although it might be a B&B in the short term as the OOH team suggested to you.

Also get your UTI looked at !.Are you drinking enough water in the heat?.Mum probably doesnt mean to be unkind .She is obviously unwell herself TBH and is looking for someone to blame !

It isn't your fault, you need to recognise that your mother is unwell and not thinking clearly. The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself and getting well and sorted out. Taking your mothers blame on board will eat you up and destroy you if you let it. Things might be pretty shit right now, but it could also be the beginning of a new independent and happy life, grasp the opportunity to make a fresh start and move on from this toxic relationship. I hope things improve for you soon.

If you are not currently a student then you can go to your council but as a single woman under 35 the offer at most will be a shared house or bedsit, emergency housing is pretty grim to be honest. Far better to approach your university and apply for universal credit (assuming you are not currently in receipt of student finance if you are you will not qualify for benefits or council assistance). Your university will have options over the summer as the halls are mostly not used (they do let them but won't be at 100% occupancy!) if you have disabilities check for extra assistance due (my dd gets dsa but as she lives at home she gets only the minimum amount), universities have hardship funds too. If you could work even part time it widens your options but my advice is your university is the best first call

I’ve phoned OOH who just said if I want to go now I can , but it would be a B&B , anywhere in the shire (which is huge)

That’s good you’ve got to speak to someone and there is something they can offer you!

I would take it. Does it matter where it is?

What’s your degree?

I would also add if you have a friend you can stay with, someone to house sit for or other short term solution that gets you out of your home it will strengthen the estrangement situation, though it does depend on your student finance situation as it's a second degree

I see you've phoned homeless welfare and they have agreed to temporarily house you over the weekend, that's good.

Are you eligible for Universal Credit?

You may be entitled to PIP (I have been in a few appointments with work, people generally "describe their worse day.") They will take into account your physical health problems too. There are services you can ask to help fill out your from, not sure what area you are so cant point you in the right direction. This will not be quick though, nor will UC.

Are you under a mental health team? If so, they will definitely help find you suitable housing. If you arent, I would suggest you see your GP with regards to your suicidal thoughts.

With your mental health problems the council will hopefully treat you as a vulnerable person, they will try their best to adequately house you, even if it's a B&B, hostel.

I'm sorry, it isn't your fault.

I’ve got an appt with psychiatrist on Tuesday 9th ... a professor apparently so a bit scared but hopefully he will be a help . My mums cousin is coming with me .

I used to be good friends with my mum but now she won’t talk to me much at all . I can’t understand where I went so wrong . Surely as my mum she’s supposed to love me unconditionally but she says she’s had enough of me .

I have got a friend who lives in nearby town but we don’t see each other all that often . Once or twice a year if that , I would be scared to ask him if I could stay over . Haven’t any other close friends unfortunately , not ones who would be willing to help anyway and I’m embarrassed to ask them .

Mum is now saying she would never agree to go to a B&B but I’m not sure if she wants
me to go tonight , council lady said she’d want to hear from mum that she didn’t want me here anymore at all .

RE UTI I’m on antibiotics and cocodamol , fever still ++ high and I’m still bleeding a lot , have only eaten two biscuits today , but it’s a bit quieter than last night . I’m waiting on an operation to try and stop the constant UTIs (have problems with bladder) . That could be ages yet though .

GP knows about suicidal thoughts , I’m on weekly dispensing for meds but not much they can do til psych appointment comes through .

Contact mind in your area. Dr letter for council and ask for housing. UC and pip from dwp until you are well enough to go back to uni!
Good luck x

Is the psych appointment with a community mental health team? Have you been allocated a social worker, CPN?

They’ve offered me a hotel room but my mum is now saying not to go as it’s going to cost a fortune in the long run (council said they would have to bill my mum) . I’m absolutely shattered , just want to go to bed more than anything else .

Yes it’s community mental health team , no social worker or CPN though , I don’t think my mum has them either .

On Monday I would call your CMHT and ask to speak to a manager and ask if they can get you a SW/CPN, even just a temp one. Then they can help you with housing, even just to write a few letters to give housing your history etc.

Can you go to bed and see what happens in a few hours when you wake up? Maybe wait until Monday if your mum is now saying you can stay? Why would they have to bill your mum?

Goodness only knows , she said it would be free tonight but then they would charge on Monday ... plus mum going on about having to pay for food and that (they’d provide breakfast) .

Ludicrously it was a 3/4* hotel they were offering ... I almost wish I’d just said yes but I don’t fancy spending the night spewing alone !

Hopefully something sorts out on Monday . Am absolutely shattered and wishing I could work out where I’ve gone so wrong .

How could your mum be liable for the cost?

Are you 27 or was that a typo for 17?