Being kicked out of my mum’s - what are my options?

[homeless1234]

I’m 27 , full time student on sick leave suspension so wouldn’t be due to go back to uni until January if doctors think I’m medically fit . I’m waiting on an operation and I’m also struggling with mental health problems .

I’m currently staying at my mum’s but she doesn’t want me to live here anymore . She has huge disabilities , MH problems and can’t do the mum stuff very well - I’ve always been her carer . Hence where the MH crap has come from . She’s now saying my problems are causing her disabilities to get much worse , she can’t help me and she wants me out . Her doctors are in agreement .

I’ve got a degree and lived in student accommodation for the first degree . Worked for three years FT and built up enough money to go back to uni to better myself and get a decent career . I was trying to support my mum from 300 miles away , took a reaction to changing my anti depressants and ended up suicidal . So had to go home . Only home was mum’s .

I don’t know what my options are . I haven’t any family who would have me live with them . Dsis is severely autistic and under care of social work (as similar issues - my mum couldn’t look after her either) . Father lives 3000 miles away and won’t be able to help .

Relative has said plead homeless , ask for benefits , and the council will have to house me in the short term and then state parental estrangement with uni (who would then help me with housing there) . I’ve got care experienced status as well or something with uni as spent time in foster care as a child .

They’ve also said to tell uni I’m not coming back until 2021 but I don’t think that’s an option . As it is I couldn’t make that decision until September .

I haven’t even got a bloody kettle or pan to cook with and only £150 to my name .

As far as I know I’ve zero entitlement to benefits other than maybe ESA or PIP but I doubt very much I’d get either - unless I leave uni altogether and claim JSA.

I’m in a horrendous horrendous fucking mess and feel like if I ended my life, that would be the best option - I know it’s probably untrue and not the option and I wouldn’t do it but it’s a horrible persistent thought .

They’ve offered me a hotel room but my mum is now saying not to go hmm as it’s going to cost a fortune in the long run (council said they would have to bill my mum)

I think you’ve misunderstood-that’s not how it works.

No , I am 27 .

I realise how stupid I sound - because I spent the majority of my childhood and my early twenties having to be my mums carer day and night I missed out on lots and lots of things , eg never had friends, relationships, holidayed without mum , etc . Never had the opportunity to get any independence or feel like an adult as mum always calls me back , says she can’t cope alone - but when I’m here she doesn’t want me . I don’t even have a provisional licence or passport or anything .

I probably have picked it all up wrongly yeah . She just said I’d be liable for costs at a later date which worried me , I haven’t got that sort of money - and wouldn’t even have the cash to pay to get there in the first place .

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/28/i-am-at-university-but-dread-going-home-to-see-my-mother-annalisa-barbieri?CMP=fb_gu&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR1RjGKqDP31tQVPiMiuOskOrSL8a71gJ2jNJkGpO1whoo129vaI1CY82lM#Echobox=1561730935

Sort of like this kind of situation but not exactly the same

You're over 25, your mother is not liable for the costs, you are.

What is your degree in? Is there any mileage in working on a temporary basis until everything settles down a bit and you can get your head round things?

As far as paying for emergency accommodation, your mum will not be responsible. You may be in the future if you are earning a good salary. Not sure how it works but they won't try and take money you don't have

I didn’t fully check how it worked out , I’m still feeling horrendous from UTI - haven’t eaten properly for a few days ... so just heard ‘liable for costs’ and panicked a bit .

Friend says I can stay at his for a weekend on 12th but apart from that I’m not sure .

My dad has suggested I try to find something - anything - to pass the time , paid or not . At the moment I’m just sort of pottering around my mums which isn’t helping at all . I can kind of see how it would look from outside .

Meantime I will go to CAB and housing office on Monday and check with them . Hopefully they can help a little bit . And the psychiatrist too !

You havent gone wrong anywhere and it isnt your fault - you're just in a shitty situation! They not to blame yourself.

AFAIK you will not have to pay for costs of emergency housing, ie B&B, hotel and hostel, the council will pay. It will be easier to speak to someone face to face, maybe write down any questions you have in case you forget. I would get to the office 10 minutes before it opens, otherwise you may be waiting a good few hours!

Temporary work may be an option, can you sign up to any agencies? Maybe a general admin, customer services one. Then you can slowly save money for a room or something.

It sounds like perhaps your mum is telling you to leave but when/if you actually leave she will want you to come back! As per your conversation with her. Could be a power/control thing. Get some money and get independence.

I think you need to relook at your life. You're 27 years old and you're wondering why you would be expected to pay for food?

I get that , and it’s not that I’m expecting everyone else to do everything for me , it comes across wrong written down . I’ve just been struggling hugely mentally for the last year or so .

So what if the op is 27? Not everyone is privileged enough to have easy, perfect lives.

Sorry you are in this situation, homeless

Very unfair of your mum, however bad her MH is
She was happy for you to be there when she needed you, but not when you just need a place to stay

Sounds like being a carer affected your childhood and early adulthood,
which is why you haven't developed the kind of independence that most your age would

I recommend you invest the next few years in yourself, not your mum,
especially the next couple of months - don't be drawn back in to help her until you are fully well and established back on your uni course / in a job.