Would you send DDs friend home?

[ZorbeeAndTheLemur]

DD (14) has got a friend sleeping over tonight. They are going out shortly to meet some other friends for a couple of hours.

However since they got home from school DD has been so rude and obnoxious to me. I ordered them a pizza for tea as per DDs request and she was even rude once that had arrived. I've told her several times to stop being rude but she is still being awful.

How would you deal with this? I'm on the verge of taking her friend home and grounding DD for the weekend.

Not experienced with teenagers but maybe I would take her aside from her friend and issue the warning of the consequences.

I’d maybe have a quiet word with her before you go down that route and tell her your plan if she doesn’t buck her ideas up

I've tried doing that but she keeps being rude.

I'd ask her to come downstairs out of earshot of her friend and warn her that if she speaks to you like that again you will tell her off in front of her friend and cancel the sleepover and the friend goes home. She's just showing off but I wouldn't put up with it.

I'd you've already warned her of the consequences and she's continuing to be rude, follow through and send her home.

What kind of rude is she being? Can you give us an example?

If she is still being like that after you have spoken to her I would take the friend home.

If you’ve warned her of the consequences and she’s continued then you have to follow through. Be prepared for blow back in the form of you embarrassed me in front of my friends/I hate you etc though

I'd take the friend home then, but check first her parents haven't gone out. If you warn her of consequences you have to carry them out.

What sort of rude?

Cross posts. Seeing as you've warned her the. You need to carry it through. Ball her out in front of the friend and then cancel the sleepover. She was warned.

She’s excited and showing off...and that’s an obnoxious combination.
Take her aside and tell her off. Tell her if she continues to be rude, the sleepover is off.

Yeah, agree op, if you've told her that's the consequence you have to follow through

In front of both of them, tell her to stop showing off in front of her friend. Tell both of them that the sleepover will be cancelled. If neither the embarrassment or the threat works, send the friend home.

By rudeness I mean things like snapping at me, rolling her eyes when I speak, throwing a tantrum when I said they couldn't eat the pizza in her room (as she leaves plates etc there until they're mouldy), getting angry when I offered two builders that were here doing our extension a slice of pizza each (I ordered two large pizzas so there was plenty!)

Take her aside and tell her if she doesn't behave you will tell her off loudly and incredibly embarrassingly in front of her friend. Do 'the look' throughout. Tell her everything will be cancelled if she is rude one more time and you'll send her friend home without a second thought.

She's showing off to her friend. I remember doing this sort of shit - I also remember the horrific embarrassment I felt when my mum smacked me for infront of my friend. (disclaimer: it didn't hurt anything but my pride, and I'm absolutely not suggesting you smack your DD!)

Trouble is it's tricky to send the friend home as her her parents may have made other plans, and it's not her fault your DD is being a pain.
I'd be tempted to say she can't go out now if attitude doesn't change and have strong words while friend is out.

I’d you’ve already warned her you need to carry it through and take the friend home.

I've been here with my DD (15 this week), OP. For some reason, she sometimes gets it into her head to be rude, show off, obnoxious when she has a friend here. Well, she can be all of those things anyway, but it seems even worse sometimes when she thinks she has a sympathetic audience.

I have sent friends home for this kind of behaviour. However, I have done it after a very clear warning. In the warning, I specified which aspects of DD's behaviour I was objecting to, and which things were rude (though it can be very difficult to put your finger on exactly what is rude, when it's a generally piss-taking and obstreperous attitude, rather than any one specific word or phrase).

The one time I sent DD's friend home, DD was absolutely enraged. Said her friend now saw how unreasonable I was, she (DD) wasn't rude, didn't know what she'd done wrong, etc, etc, etc, etc. I just said very calmly that I warned her. I have also refused to let that friend sleep over again, as DD plays up to her in particular.

Good luck. It's no fun at all.

What is she actually doing? Saying?

Showing off in front of her pal! Don't make the threat if you won't follow through. Do a last warning and then go for it. Only problem is that it punishes friend too - perhaps another option is say she won't be staying again or allowed to stay over at friends' houses as she's too rude.

She's been warned so you need to follow through - friend goes home.

Ah seen the update

She’s embarrassed. Very embarrassed.

Ask her down, give her one more warning
Meanwhile give the three gorl’s parents heads up re what is going on and how it may play out

There’s a possibility the girl can’t go home
So it would be a bluff and you don’t want to risk that
Hence correcting them

I think you need to give a final warning then follow through with taking the friend home if she continues. Either way we'd be having a long chat after the friend left about acceptable behaviour.