London people, help me with public transport please...

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

I am hopelessly provincial, have only been to London once as an adult, and took a black cab on the one journey I made while I was there.
Anyway, I will soon have to be there for five days, and get about the city using public transport.
Do I need an oyster card? Where do I get one?
Please treat me like an alien who knows nothing and explain it all in words of one syllable
I am getting so chewed up and anxious about this it's unreal.
I basically have to go from Victoria to Waterloo and around Waterloo a bit, but I am SO worried about it that it is seriously starting to fuck up my chances of getting a really good job
Please help

You ca just use your contactless debit or credit card to tap into the gates - they've replaced oysters.

Download a map called Citymapper. It calculates the best option for you at that very moment in time. It even tells you the best carriage location to be on the tube so that you're near the exit when you get off!

I plan every single journey with it.

If you have a contactless bank card, you don't need an Oyster, you just use the card to swipe in on a bus, and in & out on the tube. That's it.

If your debit or credit card has contactless you can use it in the tube instead of an Oyster card and it will charge you the same fare/daily capping a as an oyster.
Victoria to Waterloo is quite close and a beautiful walk past Houses of Parliament and across Westminster bridge, so I would probably walk, but if you want to get public transport, from Victoria

1. Take Circle or District line (eastbound) to Westminster (2 stops)
2. Change on to Jubilee line (eastbound) to Waterloo ( 1 stop)

I would recommend the Citymapper app as well which is fab for getting around

Do you have Apple Pay?

Just use that at each gate for the tube (both on entry and exit). For buses, you can just use it on entry, no need for it to be used on exit.

If you use Apple Pay or contactless bank card, you do not need to tell the bus driver how far you are going.

For the underground, your fare will be calculated according to how far you have travelled.

At the end of the day, your bus and train fares will be combined and the amount deducted from your bank account.

Victoria to Waterloo is easy. Get the 507 bus direct, goes from right outside Victoria station. Takes about 15 mins. It's a shuttle service between the two stations.

You do not need an oyster card, use contactless. Leave plenty of time for your journey and use maps on your phone. If you are coming in summer bring a fan for the tube it's like a bloody oven at the moment. Good luck with the job!

Oh and Victoria tube station is HELL at rush hour, they literally kettle you as the tube gets so packed hence the bus suggestion! I do this journey every weekday so trust meeeee

Thanks for the replies.
The bus sounds great, especially if I can just bop my card contactless! I HATE trains, almost to the point of a phobia, so would much rather get on a bus!
I will get the app too.
I think that once I am there and actually doing it, I will manage ok, it's just the thought of it making me nervous.

Also, if you want us to state the obvious, with trains you tap in as you arrive and out as you leave (no need to tap if you change lines). For buses you only do it once as you get on. Depending on the bus you might be able to tap in from the middle / back doors, but some require you to get on at the front. Look out for yellow readers as the bus pulls up.

Thanks @Vashta
That's exactly the sort of thing I need to know!

The underground network is incredibly well signposted, so you won't find it difficult to navigate once you're there

Also, if you have 2 contactless cards make sure you only use one of them. Otherwise you won't get capped at the max daily rate or worse if you use a different one to end a journey to the one you started the journey with it will think they are two journey starts.

It's honestly really really easy, easier than most cities. The Tube is incredibly well mapped, all the buses announce every stop, Google Maps and other apps can tell you exactly where to find the right stop for every bus and you just tap your bank card to pay for it all. You'll be grand.

On the bus you just look at the mini screen/listen to hear your stop being announced (eg "Houses of Parliament"), then you hit the red Stop button on the handrails to request the stop and the driver will stop. You leave a bus via the furthest back door (ie if it has two doors you normally board the one at the front via the driver and exit via the one in the middle of the bus).

If there's anything else you want to ask, however silly, go right ahead!

Seconding Citymapper and the 507 bus - it's quite scenic, but it will take up to 30 min if there's traffic. Citymapper's predictions of time are usually accurate.

However long your route planner (eg Citymapper) tells you a journey will take, assume it will take 50% longer and start the journey early enough to permit that. Chances are you'll arrive everywhere early, but there are a lot of traffic jams, signal failures and passenger alerts waiting to make you later for that vital meeting

There is a great PDF document on transport for London's website called "buses from Waterloo". It shows which buses go where and which stop you pick them up from. If you prefer buses and need to travel on from Waterloo it might be worth printing out and taking with you.

One thing I've learned is to always check how far it is and whether it's easier to just walk! Especially when it's hot.

If you have to be somewhere on time I wouldn’t recommend a bus, they can take ages if traffic is bad in central London.

Or take lots of time and look up coffee shops near your location.

The CityMapper app is fantastic, makes it all so easy. I visit London a few times a year, have no sense of direction and am known for getting lost a lot! but I've had no problems getting around London at all.

You can download the app now and have a play with it working out routes to show you how it works. It takes you step by step from door to door.

Definitely 507 bus.

Hi
Also on the TFL website there is a walking tube map, which is great for walking round London instead of taking the Tube, especially in this weather. It gives you directions and approx walking times.

Once you start walking around London, you will realise how small the city is. Waterloo is a great place to start and you can walk anywhere from there, across Waterloo bridge or Westminster bridge.
Have fun

Im going to London in the summer with the kids. So I don’t need an Oystercard?

If you have a bank card that has Contactless capability, you don't need an Oyster.

How old are your kids Corsa? If they are under 11 you don't need to pay for them on the tube. Just use your contactless card and gop through the family gates. If they are 11 plus you need to get an Oyster card and get it loaded with a Young Visitor Discount so they pay child prices. (not economical to get a ZIP child oyster for a one off visit as there is an admin charge)

Does the citymapper app tell you when it's quicker to walk above ground compared with using the tube?

Because the tube map is a schematic and geographically incorrect and there are quite a lot of anomalies, such as going underground, changing trains a couple of times and then coming back above ground, only to find you've spent 20 minutes to go what would be a 5 minute walk.

Yes, it does I think. Like Covent Garden to Leicester Square.

17/15/11. I needs cards then. Better get to grips!