London people, help me with public transport please...

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

I am hopelessly provincial, have only been to London once as an adult, and took a black cab on the one journey I made while I was there.
Anyway, I will soon have to be there for five days, and get about the city using public transport.
Do I need an oyster card? Where do I get one?
Please treat me like an alien who knows nothing and explain it all in words of one syllable
I am getting so chewed up and anxious about this it's unreal.
I basically have to go from Victoria to Waterloo and around Waterloo a bit, but I am SO worried about it that it is seriously starting to fuck up my chances of getting a really good job
Please help

Yes Citymapper will tell you to walk if it’s quicker, and will always show you a full walking route. It also links up with Uber if you decide you would prefer to hop in a car.

The 17 year old will be adult fayre. My 17 year dd has her own contactless card.

507 bus right outside front of Vic station, can’t miss it, goes back and forwards all day between Waterloo and Victoria

The admin fee for a ZIP 11-15 oyster is £15 so unless you are going to be in London a lot it's not worth it.

Don’t dismiss the tube. Buses can get snarled up in traffic!

How are you getting to Victoria? If you're getting a train that goes through Clapham Junction, it'll be much quicker to change there for a train to Waterloo, takes about 5 mins to Waterloo from there.

I'll be arriving at Victoria by coach from the north east. Then I have to get to Waterloo, and be in the area for four days.

It's a short walk from Victoria coach station to the underground station. My tip would be to just follow the crowd as it's not well signposted

From the coach station, you can get the 211 to Waterloo - no need to go to Victoria bus/train station. Though it does go past Parliament so can be slow.

Citymapper really is great. I saw three American ladies poring over the map at my local train station recently and stopped and told them to download it (Londoners ARE friendly sometimes!)

It work on postcodes too so will literally tell you to ‘walk to here’, ‘take that tube’ ‘change to this platform’, ‘leave by this exit’ and ‘walk this way to the place you want to go’ etc

Also, (for fear of sounding like an unfriendly Londoner) stand on the right of escalators, walk up the left, have your contactless ready at the top, and if you’re working out where you need to go, stand to the side! Please, thank you!

Also don’t be afraid to ask if you’re stuck, people will help!

Good luck on the job!

From the coach station, you can get the 211 to Waterloo - no need to go to Victoria bus/train station. Though it does go past Parliament so can be slow.

This. If you come out of the main exit of the coach station, on the corner of Elizabeth Street and Buckingham Palace Road, and turn right about 30 yards down Buckingham Palace Road, you can catch the 211 at bus stop W (letter on a red disc on the top of the bus stop sign).

If you go to this web address on your phone tfl.gov.uk/bus/stop/490014051W/victoria-coach-station? it will tell you when the next bus is coming.

Thanks @jack and @cherry.
Oddly enough, the one road in London that I know is Buckingham Palace Road - DD and I stayed in a hotel there when we went to see Hamilton.
I feel loads better about managing now - I think I have been worrying about the getting around the city to deflect my nerves !
Millions of people do it every day and are perfectly fine, so I should be able to do it too