Realising there are things you actually won't ever get to do again...

[Miljah]

..... it has begun to dawn on me over the past few years that actually, I may never repeat things I did when I was younger, things I always 'assumed' I would, like go back to India, scuba dive, Eurail with a backpack, climb Helvellyn, walk the SW Coastal Footpath.

I wonder how long ago it was when I last 'ran' properly? Or felt joint pains that then went away, didn't become chronic? Went on a 10 mile bike ride through the tracks in the forest? Camped? Hiked for miles?

I am also aware of things I may never do, like see South America or Japan. Or feel 100% confident in my body!

I know there may be many who will tell me of their ultramarathon from a standing start, at 60.. ... but I can see how we turn into 'old' people, and at different ages. I work in health care, and I see 'old' at 55, and 'sprightly' at 75.

FTR, I'm 56 and yes, in a rut. But menopause destroyed my mojo (on an enforced break from HRT...) and manual handling in the NHS wrecked my spine and knees.

I honestly thought that at 56 I'd be hiking up Alps but walking to the local shop is knackering these days!

No particular reason to post this, just my musings on how 'age' creeps up on us.

I know what you are saying and its why Im taking the plunge and going part time in my 50s.

Im less worried about repeating things I did than not being able to spend time with my kids who have grown up and moves away or with my parents if they need help. However, I also want to do things like go on holidays and travel (not expensive luxury, camping in our camper will do).

I think there are thresholds in our life when we realise time isnt going backwards. Menopause is one. Losing a friend to cancer this year was another.

Yes I totally get how you feel. I’m 46 but definitely thinking that if there’s something I want to do I should do it now. But often life gets in the way!

It all goes so quick especially after having kids

I understand what you're saying. I'll be 41 next year and it has got me doing a lot of navel gazing. I'm acutely aware that I will never be in my 20's again and after spending a lot of my 30s wishing I could relive my 20's, I've eventually made peace with the fact that life is well and truly gone.

I've recently had a friend diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. At 41. It's really put a lot of things into perspective for me. I feel old, but I'm still relatively young. My parents are 70, DF still working, DM still enjoying life. DF has outlived his own DF. Hopefully they still have a lot of time left and I will do too.

I'm 46 in two weeks. Having dcs with additional needs means I can't ever live abroad, unless they come with me... but my 40s has been the decade that my mental health has been the best. I'm very sad that a lot of my life has been in a depression/antidepressant haze. I don't feel like I have enjoyed a lot of my life.
But, when I turned 40, I went no contact with my abusive parents, got two tattoos, realised who I am and what my opinions are and grew my hair. I wasn't allowed to grow my hair because my Mum didn't like it! It's now long enough to touch my butt crack, classy. I'm also getting braces to sort out my horrible teeth. I wasn't allowed a brace because my mum didn't have one and has crooked teeth.
So it might not look how you thought it would, I thought I'd be out to work, not being a carer to my dcs (youngest one is refusing to go to school because of his anxiety, other one isn't safe to be left alone,) I have no pension. We overspend every month, as we are paying for a private psychiatrist (for both, ) and a private occupational therapist for one. But this is it. You have to do the best you can. So maybe not hiking in the alps, but something else that you can enjoy.

Fabulous post OP. It’s all so true. And the thing is one never knows when the actual ‘last time’ is until the thing is clearly and incontrovertibly impossible.

I like to think that in late middle age I haven’t actually finished with most things in my own life yet - and I’m still having new experiences - but there are so many simple, pleasurable habits and events I used to share with older relatives that I’m realising will not happen again. Christmas shopping, or an extravagant lunch out and a mooch around a gallery. The relatives are still alive, but ...

I'm older than you and came to this realisation a while back - I'm fairly fit but slower and tire more easily than I did. I probably look my age.

For me it's about wanting to do different things and being glad that I can keep up with my own age group easily. I can't go nightclubbing but I can have leisurely lunches. I can't walk as far as I had hoped and hills can be challenging, but I want to walk the canal paths.

Life now is sometimes frustrating but very enjoyable. I'm still looking forwards.

I can resonate with what you are saying BUT now I am in my 50s ,gone through a shit menopause and other upsetting things ,I can catergorically say things are changing. No, I cant go running or hiking,but that isn't my thing but I can have new experiences and try new things which I have never done before. Positivity is the key . I am finding slowly but surely my mojo is coming back and I am delighted . Good luck OP, a new chapter in you life, has begun.x

We had a 92 year old on one of our Japan tours. I guess as long as you have the opportunity, money, and health, it's not impossible.

Yep. I remember travelling to places and not worrying about "doing everyth8ng" as I'd come back..

I wanted to be a fit mum doing pgl adventure holidays. I'm in my 40s and obese. I get really sad about this.

I thought I'd have a career and a good house and options. And loves just... shit.

Without money you dont have choices.

I feel v low.

It’s not all bad
I went skiing for the first time at 55 in Colorado and biking round Cuba at 54

But you’re right
I won’t be doing that again
Once was enough.
My husband doesn’t want to do long haul again... so that’s half the world shut off

I darent take my dodgy tum to india
Time to count my blessings...I’m grateful for what we still can do

I have money .. well to do things on a bucket list.. but not having brilliant health for both of us has put the brakes on my pipe dreams

I won’t go on a cruise
I’d be tortured by everything I couldn’t eat for example

Fatted my dh has outlived his dh and grandad by about 14 years
And long may he continue
( he’s got arthymia) and already had a stroke

So I’m looking to the future rather than the past.
I always think of Diana, Marilyn Monroe etc dying about the age of 36
It helps me to put things into perspective

I’ve already outlived a lot of the heroes .
Every day is a bonus... eventhough a lot of them are spent resting with a good book or mnetting

I'll never do another handspring or backflip.
In my teens I did them without thinking.
I'm all stiff now.

That I will never have another day in my life that I am not in pain. God that’s sad now I see it written down.

You can’t stop the ageing process, but you can do things to try and improve flexibility. I’m older, but did a ten mile walk for charity last month, do Zumba, Pilates, Yoga and body conditioning every week and just try to live in the present.

I’ll probably never have another foreign holiday and there are loads of places I’d like to see. I won’t run a marathon, or do a zip wire, or fly in a plane again, or ski, or go to a club.

But I can do a circuit class, dance, plank, Zumba and HITT. I can enjoy reading, sewing, knitting, crochet, internetting, going to restaurants, visiting interesting places. I’m grateful to be able to do that and savour it whilst I can.

So as not to be the OP who doesn't return- 😊 here I am.

Thank you for your input, everyone.

I won't reply to individual responses tonight as I'm putting dinner together- but everyone's views about, hey, this is how it is!- versus- I fought it and won.... are so welcome.

I'm 49 next birthday and I'm booked on a three week holiday to Australia next year. I have been before, in 2016. Before that i hadn't been further than a weekend in Belgium.
I hate the flight but i see it as a means to an end. I think it depends what you want to do, but it's definitely possible

I've had those thoughts. It's weird, isn't it? I realised I would never again join a gym or do formal exercise. I still walk a lo and go for bike rides, but that's it for me in terms of exercise.

I also realised that I will never dance again, no like I used to. I used to really go for it, I had moooves, I had fun. If made to dance now I'm fairly certain I'd do the boring shuffling about.

I travelled a lot when I was young, don't have a lot of interest now.

Fwiw, I do wonder whether middle age doesn't bring with it just an awful lot of tiredness. Life is full, still working but without the energy of youth. All I want to do is sit down with a cup of tea and do nothing.

My mum is 20 years older and is running around busier than I am. I'm hoping I get to do that later!

I have a progressive disability. I think I’ve been through the grief phase now though; it is what it is. I’ve learned to employ a kind of mindfullness, to look for the good stuff in the every day and to appreciate the people I have.

On a similar theme to your OP one of the saddest things I ever read on MN was that you won't know the last time you carry your baby

Aah yes OP, here too. I'm mid-40s with a 6 year old. I lived abroad and travelled a lot throughout my 20s & 30s. Lost my wanderlust to the drudgery of single-parenthood. Just starting to get a bit of lust for travel back and am now planning to take my DS on a several month long Big Trip in a few years time. Since getting the idea, my knees have started playing up and I'm now worried that I'll not be able to carry a backpack, get up and down train/bus steps, hike any kind of distance or do anything off the beaten track in 5 years time. Sigh.

Have decided that if all else fails (well, if my body fails), then we'll just rent a house on a Greek island for 6 months. My knees should cope with that.

For me it's that I'll never be a daughter again, both parents long gone but recently I've been feeling their loss very strongly :(

I have my eye on an electric bicycle - me, towing a trailer with my ancient, arthritic dog in it. We’d both get out ‘n about.

DDIJ and OP why are you so determined that you can't do any of the things you dreamt of doing? Some things may not happen but why DDIJ have you done NOTHING on your list? How extraordinary are the things that you have not and will not do any? And OP, why can't you go to Japan?