Realising there are things you actually won't ever get to do again...

[Miljah]

..... it has begun to dawn on me over the past few years that actually, I may never repeat things I did when I was younger, things I always 'assumed' I would, like go back to India, scuba dive, Eurail with a backpack, climb Helvellyn, walk the SW Coastal Footpath.

I wonder how long ago it was when I last 'ran' properly? Or felt joint pains that then went away, didn't become chronic? Went on a 10 mile bike ride through the tracks in the forest? Camped? Hiked for miles?

I am also aware of things I may never do, like see South America or Japan. Or feel 100% confident in my body!

I know there may be many who will tell me of their ultramarathon from a standing start, at 60.. ... but I can see how we turn into 'old' people, and at different ages. I work in health care, and I see 'old' at 55, and 'sprightly' at 75.

FTR, I'm 56 and yes, in a rut. But menopause destroyed my mojo (on an enforced break from HRT...) and manual handling in the NHS wrecked my spine and knees.

I honestly thought that at 56 I'd be hiking up Alps but walking to the local shop is knackering these days!

No particular reason to post this, just my musings on how 'age' creeps up on us.

OP I definitely haven't fought it and won, but I do fight it in my own way. I know I will never be thin because I am fat form sedentary life and over eating and I absolutely lack the willpower to diet. That makes me sad. And I do look at things I 'assumed' I'd do (climb Killimanjaro was definitely likely in twenties. Now - hah! But I don't want to stagnate, and find easy things to do that make it possible not to - just small, fun, new things rather than some of those massive over-achievey things that may now be on hold forever.

Dh and I are approaching mid 50s and had this conversation recently. Basically we said that if we were going to do anything - we should do it now because we weren't going to get better able. I signed up for a writing seminar. He signed up for a woodworking class (financial aid available for both of these). We will also do things that cost money - travel, a sailing course etc but he could also do a sailing course locally for very little. Once your kids get a bit older, you can really plan a lot. No I will probably not write a riveting novel - but I might write something. No, he won't ever win a big race - but he might enjoy a fair bit more sailing. I'm actually feeling optimistic about the next few years.

poopypants I resent your statement that I'm determined to never do the things I did, and, in the flush of youth, assumed I could not only repeat, but do it even better.

Then life happened, the biggest barrier for many being cost; the second, physical ability.

I most likely will not do this stuff because I physically can't, not because I'm determined not to.

Could I recommend a book? How to do everything and be happy by peter jones. Changed my life and definitely made me think more flexibly about what i wanted to do in my life and how I coukd achieve it.

This is really interesting. I am finding in my 40s that I regret not having travelled and studied more. I need to get the mortgage paid though so am limited by having to work full time. And I hope in 10 years or so I will have the time and money - and health - to do the adventures I didn't do in my 20s.

I hope I can offer some (albeit unwelcome but) food for thought here as a 27yo

I feel a lot of these dreams may have been marketed to you in your youth and convinced you that’s what you want and now you’ve grown in age you feel you’re losing who you once was instead of embracing who you’ve become

FWIW people in my age bracket have been fed different dreams and I too feel very sore for not living them. Can only get worse if you let it surely

I do find lack of money so frustrating. I know it's silly, because of course money goes on every day life. But I day dream for far too long far too often of how life would be if I had a big chunk of money to spend on going travelling and getting fit.

@Mummoomoocow that's interesting. Do you mind if I ask what dreams you were peddled? Our generation certainly does seem to focus on travelling the world and hitting the summits of various chuffing mountains (self included )

Just me then that would HATE to do all the things I loved doing when I was young?

I certainly don’t miss half the stuff I used to do.

The biggest dream and hardest to accept is owning a home imo. Every single person I know does not want to rent but feels this absolute desire to own a home. Of course there is good reason for this as renting is disgustingly overpriced and offers very little protection but growing up without the option to own is a very sour, bitter experience.

That and falling into money. But I think that’s everyone’s dream

I don't think about the things I won't do again but things I'm looking forward to and all the things I've yet to expierence.

I'm 54 and so far no health issues. I have a lot of interests, many are still things that I liked when I was younger ( mountain biking, gigs, back packing, etc) but now I do them 'with the ( adult) kids and my friends.
I like having lots of plans and projects on the go. That said I am painfully aware that your life destiny doesn't care about what plans you have and can be wiped out in a blink of an eye.An ex of mine died suddenly at the age of 53 and left our friendship group stunned and saddened.
I think it is important, if you can to have, to have positive friends and family around you ( I dumped negativity from my life, you know the friends that aren't happy unless they are moaning or criticising) . I also think it's good to have a mix of ages as well. I am in a few outdoor groups where a lot of people are 65plus and are great fun, I go skiing and travelling with a few friends who are in their late 20s and early 30s.
I am thankful I have made it to 54 and hope to have a few more decades if I can.

Well, I don't think I'll ever get up from the floor to standing without making an 'oof' sound for the final stage or get into bed without sighing happily/tiredly/exhaustedly. And I'll never be able to buy shoes without thinking about whether they'll hurt me again - I console myself with the ridiculous thought that if I ever end needing to use a wheelchair, I'll be able to buy the most impractical shoes I want, because I won't have to expect them to hold me up.

I'm in the process of trying to get a job that doesn't require scurrying up and down ladders, hefting gear and scrabbling about on the floor with cabling for the precise reason that there are things I won't ever be able to do again - and shouldn't be attempting them now, more to the point.