Anyone spend entire weekends alone and often?

[RosesandCuddles]

Like no real friends (as generally just acquaintances from work), parents in another city and nothing exciting happening romantically (a date here or there from online which seems like it goes well but then somehow fizzles out)

Specifically interested if you're in your 20's or early 30's.

I try and make the most of it by cycling, reading the news, trying new recipes, trying new beauty products, new ways to do my hair but sometimes feels a bit like what's the point... :(

I have had a long time like this (7-10 years) and felt awfully lonely initially, but then made a plan. This was structuring the weekend always making sure i went out somewhere the Saturday, usually to visit someone or a food, clothing shop or a drive to a nice place to read a good book in a cafe then did jobs and cooked a meal sunday while also watching a film :)

Used to be me. It sucked. But I changed things by going on an online dating site then met my husband. Husband works shifts so still get a lot of me time. But joined a church which has helped. I go see my older neighbours every now and then as they're both very unwell (Stoke sufferers etc).
All the stuff you've mentioned revolves around you. Make your life revolves around others and you'll reap the rewards, it takes time and effort. Sometimes you get nothing in return but reading deep into what "life is all about" it won't leave you as empty as you do now.

cycling, reading the news, trying new recipes, trying new beauty products, new ways to do my hair

Join a cycling club.
Attend public lectures and debates on current affairs in your nearest city.
Put together exciting new menus and cook for your parents every other weekend or once a month. (Assuming you have a reasonably good relationship.)
Sign up for a course in Beauty & Health at a local college. Then volunteer at places that need these skills.

This used to be me. I remember on a Friday night calling my older, married with children, brother, and wailing down the phone about how the whole weekend was stretching in front of me with nothing to do and no one to see. And his response was “Ah, sounds blissful!” He ways looking back on his bachelor days nostalgically from the point of view of someone who didn’t have a moment to himself any more. Made me see the grass is always greener!

Now I’m married to someone I met on Match, with a child, I know what he meant as sometimes I look back longingly to weekends spent doing what I wanted when I wanted. But of course at the time I just felt lonely. So I’d echo posters above about joining clubs related to your interests, and would also say try internet dating again, and try to appreciate all the “me” time you have.

Me! My fiancé is away with work for 6 months. All of my friends have their own lives/partners/families and rarely spend time with me over the weekend. I have spent the last 4 weekends on my own watching Netflix and walking my dog! Going to bed at 8pm to make the next day come faster! Sad I know 😂😂😂😂

Where in the country are you OP? I’m sure people could suggest more specific things to enliven your weekend.

What is your main interest outside work? (Is your work interesting?) What are your most absorbing conversations about? I know I drifted hopelessly when I was younger - it’s only now, through my own experience and observing younger relatives, that I’m seeing how much life is enhanced by having one major obsession that shapes your work and social life. You need an activity to really throw yourself into - everything will follow from that.

Me, although I'm mid 40s. Majority of friends have youngish kids so weekends are all about doing family things, taking them off to their cricket/swimming/drama school/insert as applicable. A lot of people recommend joining clubs but I find most clubs operate weekday evenings and not weekends (because those running them are doing family stuff). I think it's probably easier if you live in a city as there will usually be a lot more choice of things you can do at weekends - if you're in a more rural/semi-rural area, it's more difficult.

If you like walking, a lot of rambling clubs do their longer walks/hill climbs at weekends, as evenings during the week don’t have long enough daylight.
I second the PP who said join a church. You get a good sing, feel part of a community, have people to chat with, and there’s usually coffee and home baking (or at least biscuits!) after the service. It’s also a good place for information about local activities, clubs, meet ups, volunteer opportunities etc.

I was like this your age in new place. I joined a tennis club, I was crap but it was really friendly and gave me a reason to get out of house Saturday morning. Also joined a local history group that went round something local then stopped for lunch. It was all ages. And a walking group to go out on a Sunday.

I tried other stuff, rally marshalling, volunteering, saying yes to every invitation...but those were the things that stuck.

Yes, I do, every weekend. I've got a 7 month old baby and her dad left. Saturdays we go for long walks with the dog, to the museum or the library, I cook something fancy. Sundays I'm lazy and we don't do anything except the dog walking. It's ok but it can be bloody lonely.

You should join some clubs in your area, walking club, swimming club, look for voluntary work at the weekend they are great ways to make friends,

I did it for much of my 20s and that was in the days before social media/Internet/mobile phones. I had just bought a flat and I was so skint I couldn’t even afford a landline let alone going out anywhere. I used to finish work on Friday and know I probably wouldn’t speak to anyone again until Monday. I am quite introverted and like my own company but even for me it was all a bit much and I was often lonely.

Some of the suggestions on here (walking/cycling groups etc) sound good.

Yep. I'm in my late 20s and I find clubs and Meetup etc. just make me feel even more isolated. It's not easy to walk into an established group, join in with conversation that's often about people you don't know and events you weren't at, and make friends. I like going to the cinema. Takes up most of an afternoon and loads of people go alone.

Every weekend really. If I drive through town on a weekend night, I am almost "surprised" when I see groups of friends and couples out and about in pubs and restaurants. It is just not something that occurs to me because I never do it!

Looking at the next 3 months, I don't have a single thing planned in, as my "very limited) friends all have families and so their weekends are busy with sports and mum-taxi and general family time; and I'm not going to gooseberry myself into that.

I am used to being alone now though, even if sometimes I find myself going to bed at 9.30 on a Saturday night just because I have fuck all else to do with myself. Jesus christ that makes me sound like such a loser.

DDIJ I agree, the two things most often trotted out are "join a club" or "MeetUp is fabulous". I found that a lot of clubs aren't overly social. You do the activity, but then everyone goes home to their other halves, there's no socialising afterwards or really getting to know people.

As for MeetUp, again it depends where you live. Most of the ones in any reasonable distance are "all female" - and I'm a guy - or for specific ages (ie, under 30s or over 50s and I'm 45) or very niche (Geek Cinema). Even the Rambling Groups - which wouldn't actually interest me are either single sex or age-specific. If I do find a MeetUp that sounds my cuppa and that I fit into in terms of age or gender, it's about two hours away. A four-hour return trip every Saturday isn't great - because for those four hours you'll still be on your own to spend an hour or two doing an activity and you probably won't make actual friends with any of them because they are too far away to do anything else with them. As I said before, if you live in a heavily-populated city MeetUp is probably good.

But what is the point of ‘meet ups’ that are entirely random? They may use up some time but surely they’d unlikely to lead to lasting friendships?

As far as I can see the only sure basis for sustained, enjoyable interaction is being engaged in an activity with like minded people. What on earth do you have to talk about otherwise, once you’ve gone through the preliminary introductions? If the activity requires an element of mutual support or collaboration (whether that’s swapping advice on cycling kit or the best sources for obscure ingredients) it’s all the better.

George Totally right. It's like when I was looking to date and several of my female friends said "got to salsa, lots of single women". Yes, who enjoy dancing. I don't. So why would you go there, maybe meet someone, and then tell them "actually I hate dancing" and that one thing she thought you had in common doesn't exist. You will always come across better if you doing something you enjoy. Or something new that you think you might.

It's like a couple of posters suggesting joining a church. If you're not religious, why on earth would you join a church???

Not now but I have in the past. It was sheer bliss, I could just please myself. I'd quite like a weekend alone soon but I do have two or three days a week on my own so can't really complain I suppose.

I live in a small city with several general social groups on Meetup including one that's literally called '[city] social group' and has all sorts of random events. They seem to work well as a way for the organisers to meet people that the organisers like. Naturally, the people who fit in and get on with the core group keep attending things and the people who don't, don't so it's the same faces over and over with the odd new person or two on each event. If you're quite thick-skinned and could persevere through meeting a lot of people once, I think starting a general Meetup group could be a pretty good way of building a social circle.

Try look at "MeetUp" or "GirlCrew" see if there are others in your area. Join a class or book club and get to know people.

I moved to where my DP is from, it was a big shock as it is a small town where everyone knows everyone but I knew no one. I started up a book club with the help of some locals and I have from that made a few friends. It is making life a bit easier for me to be honest!

Not now but I have in the past. It was sheer bliss, I could just please myself. I'd quite like a weekend alone soon but I do have two or three days a week on my own so can't really complain I suppose.

And the award for entirely missing the tone of the thread goes to...

Not now but I was like you at 27. All my mates seemed to have coupled up and were happy to meet for a Monday night pizza or Wednesday night cinema, but not weekends. I made the mistake of going out with a guy who was interested in me because I had nothing better to do, and really hurting him. I just want to advise against falling into that trap ie attaching to anyone who shows a level of keenness (whether romantic or platonic) just so you have company at weekends. Sorry to be such a negative nelly, but I’d hate you to make my mistake.

Not now (I have a toddler!) but yes in the past. I'm very introverted and found that I needed time alone to recharge but I did need to try and break it up with a coffee with a friend or something.

Some community volunteering might be a good idea. You could do a community garden, or go and volunteer to befriend an elderly person, maybe? It would probably feel nice to give something back, and you would both gain from the company. See what is happening in your local area.

Otherwise, adult education and courses, there are often some good low cost things happening (local library is a good place to start for info).

It's also nice to have "treats" for yourself eg a movie you're going to watch, a new book to read. That said I don't have a problem with taking myself off to the cinema alone etc (at least you can listen to the film!)