Who buys the gifts in your family?

[Smart10]

For some reason I always bought the gifts for my family and DH’s at birthdays, Christmas etc. A while ago I said no more!

It was MIL’s birthday and I chose, bought, wrapped and posted two gifts and a card. DH didn’t even sign the card because he ignored it on the coffee table for three days before he went away so I had to sign it for him. The two gifts were a cardigan and a book. They were both addressed to MIL from both DH and I. MIL decided that the cardigan, that she liked, was from DH, but the book, that she didn’t like, was from me. The reason she didn’t like the book is because SIL got it for her as well. Long story short she was rude on the phone to me but thanked DH for the cardigan he had never seen. So I gave up on IL gifts. SIL always complained also so I told DH it was his family, his responsibility. He agreed of course.

Today was FIl’s birthday. He received absolutely nothing for the first time in the 12 years I have known DH. Before meeting me DH did not do gifts.

MIL has complained there was no gift. DH said he forgot.

This is going to run and run I can just feel it.

Who buys the gifts in your family?

I tend to do the birthdays, Christmas we both spot ideas and check that we haven’t already finished for the person so as not to duplicate.

I don’t mind, takes minutes to shop online and we buy cards and wrap in one go at the start of the year.

Me because I absolutely love doing it.

I should elaborate, I love shopping so if I’m not buying for me then I love buying for others.

I used to love shopping for gifts but have been worn down by the complaints 😕.

I do both families but probably wouldn’t if I had a mother in law like yours! I enjoy present buying and dh would grab things last minute with no regard for the cost.

We both do... which is why xmas present unwrapping takes everyone so long... we both go ott separately and it's always too much.
Every year we say, small presents this year and then it happens again.
I don't care if people don't like their presents, I thought they were good and if they don't like them sell them.
If someone is actively rude, I just send a card and a ten quid gift card

Christmas we generally do it together but we're only buying for DH's side anyway. Birthdays we do for own side but that means DH buys for 2 sisters and 2 parents. I only have my mum and DH to buy for. My brother, father and me all opt out of receiving presents.

DC we do together.

I do, but have in the last year have not really bothered with IL’s presents. The final straw for me came last year when I gave MIL a really nice package with beauty treats in. She opened them up and really liked them, but her daughter’s daughter (had to emphasise, not my dd) said she wanted to try the lip balm so she just opened it up and let her stick her little fingers in it. She was 5. I know that may seem harsh, but I’d gone to a great deal of trouble to buy these gifts. FIL noticed the look on my face - and said not to let little one touch it. The lip balm cost £10 - one that you wouldn’t buy for yourself.

I’ve now left it up to dh to buy cards for his family. This year, so far, he’s ignored Mother and Father’s Day!

FlamingoQueen I’d forgotten about Father’s Day! I doubt DH sent a card (I usually get a card for him to sign, I don’t have a dad.)

I do my family and friends and DH does his

Same as @settlersofcatan
He buys for his family and I buy for mine

I have recently decided to do exactly as you have done @Smart10 and have told Dh he's sorting his own side from now on. Only took 21 years! A couple of years ago a conversation was had regarding scaling way back for Christmas and that year it worked. Fast forward to the next year and I was mortified at the gifts we received after we had stuck to the scaled back version. His family had given loads. It was then that I decided enough was enough so it's up to him to sort his side now. My family is easy as I am not involved in gift exchanges for birthdays or Christmas, apart from nieces/nephews - and even at that we set an amount.

Me, I do it all. I took over from his mum when we got serious.
It's annoying but i genuinely love his family and they are great people so i don't want them to get nothing for xmas, birthdays and other days.

I however get absolutely sweet fa from my husband.

I do all presents... All in-laws are overseas so they get cards with cash in. It was DDs bday yesterday.... I bought all the presents, wrapped them and she opened them yesterday morning... DH was at work. He didn’t know one thing that ‘we’ got her! He did ask her if she liked them all when he got home... she showed him what we got her... he was impressed!😂

We buy for our own families and I buy for dd's, I think his parents should receive gifts chosen by him and insist he writes the cards for his family, I assume his parents like to see that he's taken the time to write them.

I do. If it were left to DH, nothing would happen!

I do all of them. Because I'm organised and he isn't. I'm OK at buying gifts. He's Shite lol

However if some people don't like their gifts. Tuff. They can re gift it or do whatever their little heart desires. However they get 2 opportunities of not thanking. Then no gifts for them as its rude.

Also I've received some pretty poor shite gifts. And I've never ever, not thanked and always am Grateful. ( gifts included half burned candle. A pack of 4 reels of Cotton
A money jar that had one of the old. 50p stuck in it)

I do it.
Firstly because I actually enjoy it and don't find it a chore.
Secondly, and possibly most importantly, it's cheaper if I do it.

DH's mum and sister, (his dad bless him has dementia and has no clue at all sadly) are more than aware it's me that has put the thought into it. I do ask DH for input, but as he's a potted plant, bottle of wine and box of chocs kind of man, he's not always much use.

Strangely he's very good at presents for me!

Gosh! So many doing it all!

Drum2018 The children’s gifts are another story 😩. MIL used to buy mountains of gifts for SIL’s children. When we had our baby, MIL decided that it was one child too many (sil has 3) and she was no longer going to do so many gifts for children. DH was a bit 😲 because his sister had ten years of OTT gifts for her kids and he was expecting the same for our baby but whatever, MIL’s choice. (I was secretly pleased we wouldn’t get the tat!)

And then SIL complained to us that it was our (baby’s) fault that her kids didn’t get the gift mountains anymore!

You couldn’t make it up!

I think its a start as you mean to go on situation tbh which is why I've never started. I buy for my side, he buys for his and we say its from us both on the gift tags/card. I didn't want the pressure of having it be me buying for everyone and I don't see why I should have to, he managed before he met me!
If you say he never really did gifts before you met him then they probably know they were bought by you and now probably know it's down to you that's its stopped which just makes you look bad!

DH does his family, I do mine

I think its a start as you mean to go on situation tbh which is why I've never started.

Agree. It never occurred to me to start though - I don't really understand how/why women start doing it. To me, it's not a household chore, it's a personal thing - like buying your own clothing, but I know some women bizarrely start doing that too!

I did “three strikes and you’re out”.

The first year I bought the gifts because DH can’t be bothered and I thought it would be unfair that my family received presents and his didn’t. I shouldn’t have bothered. They complained.

I had never come across anyone who complained about gifts before!

The following year they complained again. Combined with few birthday gift no acknowledgements and a couple of grumbles throughout the year (their form was to get MIL to complain about SIL’s gift, SIL to moan about her daughter’s gift etc.) I told DH that was it, three strikes.

They have never received another gift from us. DH sent them gift tokens the first year, unfortunately to a shop that went bust months later and they hadn’t used them so lost out. They complained. He never bothered again. I don’t think he even sends them a card.

Matleavemadam Absolutely they know but it didn’t stop MIL thanking DH and not me! She even rang me to tell me what her son has bought her knowing full well it was bought by me.

I buy for my family and friends. DH buys, or doesn’t, for his family.