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Original poster

Who buys the gifts in your family?

51 replies

Smart10 · 23/06/2019 16:46

For some reason I always bought the gifts for my family and DH’s at birthdays, Christmas etc. A while ago I said no more!

It was MIL’s birthday and I chose, bought, wrapped and posted two gifts and a card. DH didn’t even sign the card because he ignored it on the coffee table for three days before he went away so I had to sign it for him. The two gifts were a cardigan and a book. They were both addressed to MIL from both DH and I. MIL decided that the cardigan, that she liked, was from DH, but the book, that she didn’t like, was from me. The reason she didn’t like the book is because SIL got it for her as well. Long story short she was rude on the phone to me but thanked DH for the cardigan he had never seen. So I gave up on IL gifts. SIL always complained also so I told DH it was his family, his responsibility. He agreed of course.

Today was FIl’s birthday. He received absolutely nothing for the first time in the 12 years I have known DH. Before meeting me DH did not do gifts.

MIL has complained there was no gift. DH said he forgot.

This is going to run and run I can just feel it.

Who buys the gifts in your family?

OP posts:
EmpressJewel · 23/06/2019 21:11

I buy the gifts in our household. I'm more organised and generally enjoy shopping whereas OH hates shopping.

I do find it difficult to buy for the in-laws as they have different tastes to me, so I tell OH he needs ask them for some ideas by a certain date otherwise he can sort out the presents himself.

Happynow001 · 24/06/2019 07:53

Smart10
How utterly rude of your MIL. She has now shot herself (and the rest of the In Laws) in the foot due to her bad manners. Good for you! 🌹

mindutopia · 24/06/2019 08:55

It depends who it’s for. Dh buys gifts for his family and friends, I buy for mine. We usually discuss dc’s for Christmas and birthdays and whoever has the time or inclination will actually buy it. I am fairly disinterested in gift giving (and receiving) though. We are both equally busy, but if the wifework of gifts was dumped solely on me, he knows that no one (but maybe our dc, some of the time) would get any gifts and they’d all be pretty rubbish.

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Hmmmbop · 24/06/2019 10:01

I do my family, DH does his. All gifts from both of us/the family.

Our families have quite different expectations re gifts so it works better this way. Plus I take on enough of the mental already!

Pinkmouse6 · 24/06/2019 10:26

I buy for my family and DP buys for his. We just know our own families best so makes sense.

greenlynx · 24/06/2019 11:38

My DH didn’t buy any gifts to anyone when he was single, but to be fair he’s the youngest one and all his siblings were much better off and settled. I introduced buying gifts after the marriage because I was buying for my family anyway but without his help (and he’s not keen on buying gifts much) it was a big hit and miss. Now we’re visiting relatives once a year and tend to bring family type of gifts : fancy tea, coffee, chocolates, whiskey etc. It’s much easier. I still do personal gifts for the relatives who we stay with I think they deserve more gifts for the big hassle.
We always discuss our DD’s gifts together.
I’m easy to buy for - give me a box of chocolates any day. Thorntons premium or continental will do the trick nicely. We also started doing tickets for something type of gift recently. It works really well but we do discuss it together, our house is no surprise zone.

YorkieTheRabbit · 24/06/2019 11:51

Me, I buy all the gifts but then I’m happy to do it.
I also bought all th

YorkieTheRabbit · 24/06/2019 11:53

Oops, hit post too soon Blush
I also used to buy all gifts for my exh family before we got divorced
I love wrapping gifts too Grin

Buyitinbamboo · 24/06/2019 12:07

DP does his, I do mine. I take the lead on DD's but he always knows what she's getting. I do the wrapping/card writing as I'm better at it.

Honestly I don't know the in-laws well enough to chose a present for them! Neither does he it seems, as they mostly get cash/gift cards

TheCatThatDanced · 24/06/2019 12:10

me. every time. I now follow DB and SIL's example however and most Christmasses take DH round local shopping centre - DB has the fun of Westfield Stratford after one year I bought MIL something she didn't like (Brora cashmere jumper with gift receipt and Jo Malone perfume) and MIL turned up her nose at both of them. I now get her other DIL who gets on with MIL better to scout out what MIL likes or not.

Doesn't help that DH is a twin but both are golden children...

Sarahjconnor · 24/06/2019 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justwantsleepnow · 24/06/2019 12:18

I'm the same as you @Smart10 once upon a time I bought all gifts and won't lie I put a lot of thought and effort into them.

However twelve years down the line I have realised that ILs do not like me and nothing I can do will change that. We have a very strained LC relationship (as does dh). For that reason I no longer sort gifts out. I do check to see if dh has bought any because I know he either won't or will panic buy the day before said event and spend a fortune which we just don't have.

What tipped me over the edge was mil ringing one year to make sure I personally got something for SIL for her birthday. She never rings me or contacts me and had told me the week before that I wasn't good enough for dh. I had never forgotten SILs birthday (although sil never gets us anything) and it really annoyed me that she could treat me like shit but I was still expected to facilitate gifts for her side and do the 'wife duties'.

In the years since dh has either forgotten gifts completely or sent some rather crap gifts. I couldn't care less. Mil has commented in a 'jokey' way that we used to get sil designer bags (once for a big birthday) and now she's lucky to get a card.

If they had been better ILs they could be receiving the same nice things I used to pick!

Justwantsleepnow · 24/06/2019 12:18

Oops sorry for the rant 🤦🏻‍♀️ Didn't mean to derail xx

Flower777 · 24/06/2019 12:20

I do mine and he does his. He also does the kids as well mostly. And wraps.

I have sorted a gift for an upcoming visit to my in-laws however. But all other occasions is him.

thecatsthecats · 24/06/2019 12:30

I had a 'green flag' as opposed to a red flag before I started dating DH and I didn't even realise it.

One of the first times we hung out was him coming to join our student 'explore the city' shopping trip because he needed to buy his mum's birthday present.

I gave my opinion, but he had his plan sorted for what he wanted to get her and posted it himself. I've never had to sort him out for presents (even if he does leave it last minute sometimes!).

Toli · 24/06/2019 12:59

Me; this year I left it to DH to get his mum a birthday present (we see her several times a week) and she ended up with nothing Sad she said she was upset and I was mortified.

Happynow001 · 24/06/2019 16:20

Hi Toli
this year I left it to DH to get his mum a birthday present (we see her several times a week) and she ended up with nothing  she said she was upset and I was mortified.
Was she upset with you? Or just generally? Was her son mortified? As an adult surely he could have taken care of that?

MissCalamity · 24/06/2019 17:23

I used to and it drove me mad, as there's so many on his side.
I now buy a card & tell him it's x's birthday & it's up to him to write the card, put money in if it's for a child under 18. If he want to get a present he can get a present never does It's also up to him to get the card to the person, so either drop it off or post it.

2 of his siblings forgot our DD's birthday in April, so I didn't bother getting cards for their respective partners 😱 (siblings birthdays haven't come round yet!)

Original poster
Smart10 · 24/06/2019 22:51

Justwantsleepnow Don’t worry about the detail (which wasn’t anyway!) it is always interesting to hear other experiences. Sorry they are so... like my ILs!

OP posts:
Justwantsleepnow · 24/06/2019 22:55

@Smart10 sucks doesn't it! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Lima45 · 24/06/2019 23:07

We split the presents, but it's not 50/50.

I get my family.

He gets the men in his family as they have shared interests and I drag him round the shops and point out things that the women in his family will actually like (He's totally clueless) which he then buys.

We do the kids jointly, and that includes family kids. If I see something they'd like I grab it, if he does he gets it.

Works for me as I quite like shopping... He does the wrapping for everyone though as he's amazing at it and I'm very much not.

Toli · 24/06/2019 23:40

Hi @Happynow001; he was embarrassed but not as much as I was. She wasn't afraid to tell us how disappointed she was, I felt terrible.

BlythesEyes · 24/06/2019 23:41

I used to get thoughtful gifts for everyone. After receiving years and years of second hand tat from PIL and being asked for expensive gifts in return, I left the shopping to DH. They get random crap back now. I think they now know its him doing the shopping and it's all last minute buys so they never complain.
I am very smug Grin

WhiteLightTrainWreck · 24/06/2019 23:46

It's my role in our house, but that's because like a few pps, I love shopping.

DP is better at wrapping presents though so I'll buy and he'll wrap, works for us :)

MrsXyzAbc · 24/06/2019 23:47

I buy for my family, he buys for his. Same as before we met

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